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splitting home

Thursday, November 07, 2013

I finally got my as$ on a plane and went down to see my family. Check that Two planes there and two planes back. I am still scared of flying but I did it. A few things about it: I was never so glad to see the smoggy skies of Atlanta, nor so glad to sit in my parents living room while my dad napped in his chair, waking slightly and apologizing for being "bad company" every once in a while. Got to hang out with some family, and unfortunately my odd sleeping patterns I Have developed here continued or I might have been able to do more while there, but in reality I was there to be with my parents and didn't make any plans for visiting anyone else with the exception of going to Atlanta for one day to say hello to the few friends I still have there and hanging out with one.
I realized that I REALLY don't want to spend the rest of my life where I am now and at the same time realized even more how freakin' stuck I am here. I have let everyone down on everything I ever thought I was going to be. I know my "partner" still doesn't want to see why I don't want to be here but I think knows just as well as I do how crappy it would be of me to leave this house.... long story.
Good things are happening for my friend but I am less optionless than I was before.
i just don't know what i am doing what i am going to do and i still need to get out of here. i was serious when i said it would kill me if the next time i saw my parents was at their funerals....
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