FALLENXRUBY

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Help.

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

My excitement from the entry on Friday has dissipated. I have not trained since. I had another "candy" relapse/binge last night. I am really obsessing about food today. At first, I just wanted to make up for eating so much by fasting, but in actuality, I've already eaten more than my caloric intake for the day and I just want to keep eating. My body is really messed up from this continual abuse. I literally never feel full. I know I'm doomed to feel hungry when in a calorie deficit in order to lose weight, but I can't seem to find any success with this lately. I just want to eat.

I have planned a juice fast, but if I were to start today, I just don't know if I have the resolve or will power to make it work. I really don't want to continue gaining my weight back. I want to get under 200, and yet I'm creeping back towards 210. This makes me so sad.

I know it is a day at a time, a minute at a time, and yet I keep making the wrong choices. I want to eat an eclair right now. It is outrageous.

I think I need to start to do something different. I am going to look in OA meetings for this. I need help.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LADYFROMTHEWOOD
    I'm so sorry you are in this cycle of addiction - I understand it all too well. I have even dreamed about eating birthday cake twice this week! My body is in the middle of a sugar-fed frenzy, perpetuated each time I give in to my cravings. I know the only proven way for me to break the cycle is to go cold-turkey for awhile and really feed my body only the GOOD stuff. All the fruits and veggies I want, with quality protein on the side, and plenty of water. I see myself just like a drug-addict or a smoker. One hit leads to another. My body learns to want what I give to it, and doubly so when I give it EMPTY calories. I hope you find the strength to make the choice to treat your body well, not like a trashcan any longer. Sometimes the grown-up in us has to put it's foot down to the brat that is throwing a tantrum for birthday cake.
    I'm pulling for you!
    ~ Teresa
    1718 days ago
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