Wednesday, November 06, 2013
My excitement from the entry on Friday has dissipated. I have not trained since. I had another "candy" relapse/binge last night. I am really obsessing about food today. At first, I just wanted to make up for eating so much by fasting, but in actuality, I've already eaten more than my caloric intake for the day and I just want to keep eating. My body is really messed up from this continual abuse. I literally never feel full. I know I'm doomed to feel hungry when in a calorie deficit in order to lose weight, but I can't seem to find any success with this lately. I just want to eat.
I have planned a juice fast, but if I were to start today, I just don't know if I have the resolve or will power to make it work. I really don't want to continue gaining my weight back. I want to get under 200, and yet I'm creeping back towards 210. This makes me so sad.
I know it is a day at a time, a minute at a time, and yet I keep making the wrong choices. I want to eat an eclair right now. It is outrageous.
I think I need to start to do something different. I am going to look in OA meetings for this. I need help.