Tail between my legs.
Monday, November 04, 2013
Three years ago, I walked away from this website and from my weight loss journey.
In those three years, I gained a few things-a husband, a beautiful daughter, and plenty of weight.
My little girl is seven months old and I don't think I've taken a single picture of myself with her, because I can't stand to see the evidence of how heavy I am.
The other day it caught up with me. My mom asked me to hold my daughter in her Halloween costume-she was the cutest little bee on the planet-and she inadvertently got me in the picture. Seeing the horrific quadruple chin hanging from my face was almost enough to make me never want to eat again.
For some strange reason, I managed to drop all of my pregnancy weight and am back at 385. Just saying that makes me sick-385.
I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, knee pain, shortness of breath when walking, huge clothes, disgust at my body, and a baby who deserves a better example. I am honestly scared that my horrible habits are going to lead to an early demise and I might be taken from her prematurely.
She deserves better.
So do I.
So here I am.
I can't promise I'll be perfect.
I can't promise I won't have the occasional splurge.
I can't promise I'll be here every day, especially during December when the stress of my job will come within an inch of killing me.
But, I'm here.
It may take me time to re-acquaint myself with aspects of a healthy lifestyle-I certainly won't be out jogging tomorrow or anything, but I'm here.
It may take me time to lose enough weight to actually register on my scale, but I'm here.
It may take some sacrifice, but I'm here.
To those I abandoned and failed to support during your journeys-I'm sorry.
I failed you and I failed myself.
I cannot afford to fail my baby.