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I Didn’t Make My 2nd Anniversary

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Nope, it's not what you think.

I’m talking about my 2nd anniversary of losing 85lbs (which is tomorrow).

I didn’t make it.

I gave it my best, I tried tracking, I tried practicing mindful eating, but alas, I didn't succeed. There are no words to describe my disappointment in myself, because I know I did the best I could, but 2 weeks into my “30 Day Challenge” my Depression took over and I simply stopped caring.

I feel fat. I feel lethargic. I feel embarrassed.

Life is very difficult for me right now and you know what, THAT'S OKAY. I'm human and I simply can't hold everything together all of the time. I accept that and have moved on. Yes, some of my friends are losing a lot of weight, are in sizes I used to be in, but I simply cannot focus on all of that right now. My main focus for the past 2 weeks has been solely on my mental health. I must get better, I must give my meds a chance to work and I must practice self care. My eating hasn't completely gone to hell, but it's not amazing either. Once I feel that I'm in a better place mentally, I'll get back on the wagon with all of my SparkBuddies. Until I'm back at 100%, weight loss is at the very back of my mind and will remain so until I feel I'm ready. My main goals are to keep getting treatment, continue to take my meds and not give up on myself. I've come too far and have way too much life to live.

Yes, I know what you're probably thinking: MissB8604, stop feeling sorry for yourself! Get your fat butt up and get it moving!

Well, here's what I have to say to that...

Okay, I will.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BINGO24
    You do not realize that you have already done it! You met the most important goal of all...you achieved good health! emoticon I am so proud of you my dear friend. emoticon

    emoticon emoticon Naancy
    1665 days ago
    U have done amazing and you will continue to do amazing! You're allowed to have "moments" and eventually when that "moment" passes you'll get back to basics. Smart thing - you're aware and taking care of your priorities first. Keep at it, this too shall pass. Love the before n afters - reminders that you have come so far!
    1668 days ago
    Ur doing an AMAZING job, Brittney! Ive never known a woman so head strong and steadfast in one thing - SUCCEEDING! Even tho u feel those neg feelings abt goals come and gone, the ONE THING u have always strived for is success and my luv, u have succeeded in SO MANY WAYS! Keep fighting, darling! U have ur priorities straight and ur head in the right place. U can do this, sweetie!

    I love u!
    1669 days ago
    A big warm hug from the Spa! You are so loved. Please see the abundance you have in that. You just gave us so much in your blog, more than we could give back. Success is making progress and yours is not measured by the scale this time!
    Mind, body and soul all need to feel fit for you to be able to take this journey. It is all part of the process of living.
    Take your time. If you stand at the side of the path, we will wait with you, until you are ready to step ahead once more! God bless you! Love XO
    1670 days ago
    I dont think you should "get moving" its EXTREMELY smart to look after your mental health first. After that is solved, things will fall into place. I love your before and after pictures- look how far you've come! You have a lot to be proud of! Thanks for always being an inspiration to me.
    1670 days ago
    I am very proud of you!!! Take care of yourself!
    1670 days ago
    You're clearly a fighter and I know you're doing what you need to do to get back to where you want to be. I had never really put too much stock in the emotional side of weight management until this time around, but now I fully appreciate how very important it is. Like 4A-HEALTHY-BMI said, you're most definitely doing the right thing in getting yourself back into good psychological balance. Once you're on solid ground with that, the healthy habits should come back more naturally.
    1670 days ago
    First of all, I think there's a reason the NWCR lists "Having lower levels of depressive symptomology" as one of the four key behaviors associated with weight maintenance


    After all, how can anyone possibly make consistently healthy (or positive) decisions when their mind is off-kilter?

    So I think you're totally making the right decision, focusing on emotional balance first. Its our minds that drive everything we do.

    Also, while you might not be exactly at 85 lbs lost, today, you are still maintaining, because you've kept off more than 10% of your starting weight. That is a very common definition used by the NWCR in their scientific papers. And that is a big win!

    My mantra is very similar to yours. Never, Ever, EVER give up!

    1670 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/30/2013 5:39:27 AM
  • SUGAR0814
    Girl, you are doing great! emoticon Sorry you didn't make your anniversary, but you didn't give up so you are still a winner in my book! emoticon
    1670 days ago
    I feel you! Do what you gotta do!! We all have ups and downs. Like me, I'm down and my weight is up! But I'm still here and fighting. Just focus on the one who knows you best, YOU! and if you need me, I'm HERE!
    1670 days ago
    emoticon on all your progress and while you may not have hit the milestone, you've kept the weight off and that's the bigger battle
    1670 days ago
  • SOFT_VAL67
    emoticon emoticon
    1670 days ago
  • SOFT_VAL67
    No, I wasnt thinking you were feeling sorry for yourself, I was thinking, WOW!!! How does she know exactly my thoughts and feelings!!!
    I am right there with you, I am so happy I clicked on this blog, I have been feeling the same way, disappointed and let down and sometimes like the weight loss is over I have peaked!!
    Then I read this and realize, I AM HUMAN, I MAKE MISTAKES, I NEED TIME FOR ME, TO HEAL.
    The whole year of 2013 has been one of the worst ever and I hope you wont mind if I refer to this blog tomorrow when I write my blog, You have really given me insight, thanks so much. emoticon
    1670 days ago
    Whatever you need, Sweetie -- just let me know. You are amazing. You are not fat. You are voluptuous, and on your way to being well, less so! xoxo
    1670 days ago
    NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER! That is what I'M thinking of. Stay with that thought! Definitely proud of you that you're giving the meds/therapy a chance and taking care of you the best you can. You're right that all the rest will follow

    1670 days ago
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