Just Darn MAD!

OK...I did what I said I was afraid I was going to do....I gained back most of what I lost!

How?

I don't friggen know!!!!!! I stopped caring, believing, trying, watching, recording....you name it...all the things that worked- I did not do them.

It took me so many squats, so many runs, so many bike rides...it took so long to get my scale to budge...and when I wasn't looking (cuz my face was in the pantry in a bag of cookies) most of it came back. I didn't even break a sweat! ARRRRGGGHHHHH! WHY OH WHY do I keep doing this???

This is part of my journey. I am not "starting over"....I have already been there, done that. But I am going to sharpen my focus. There is still time to get to some of those goals for the new year. Not all is lost!

I miss
- my jeans being baggier
- my tummy feeling flatter
- "fitting" better when people hugged me- esp my honey!
-feeling good about myself
-having people not know exactly why but thinking I looked better

I MISS BEING IN CONTROL! I MISS FEELING LIKE I CAN DO WHAT I SAY I WILL! I MISS FEELING LIKE I CAN CHANGE! I MISS BELIEVING IN MYSELF!!

Ah...that didn't feel good, but I needed to shout it out.

So, as in all the times before, I focus...do what works.....so back to my weekly blogs with weekly goals!

This week (which will end next Wednesday)
- blog every Wednesday with progress- good and ugly
- LOW CARB
- no soda
-more water
- 500 Squats
-log into Sparks every day

SW: 168.6 (%#@**7##@@) I HATE THAT NUMBER!!!!!!!

I have proven to myself that with intention and focus, I can do this. I can. Now, I just have to do all that work to redo what I already did before I can keep doing what I had already started to do.

Sucks, doesn't it?

Was the cookie, ice cream, soda, etc worth all of it?

NO. Not al all. Never. NO. N--O---- NONONONO.

(Note to self...reread this blog often and remember these feelings.)