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The great unkown

Monday, October 28, 2013

Standing at the precipice of the great unkown is me, right here, right now. For the first time in my adult life, I have no idea of what the future holds. I am moving to a place I know very little about. I am completely open about what I will do for a job, I mean COMPLETELY open. I am not even sure, at the very moment, what town, or part of the city we will be settling in. I have my ideas of areas I like better than others, but for the most part all I really know is I will be there, and Tim will be there.........when he's not on the road. That's really all I know. I have friends that live about 1.5 hours north, which is comforting, and that's the only people I know in the whole of Oregon, (except my best friend's brother in Portland, but I've only talked to him once.) So, that's my future, you asked for adventure, you got adventure. The one steady safety net for me is that it's just under a 5 hour drive from here, where my Mom, Sis, Bro and Grandpa live. So, I can come back quickly, cheaply and easily for any and all reasons that my arise. That is a HUGE comfort. My brother moved outside of Tucson, AZ last year, and he's just a bit too far for my liking. I am very happy I can come back to visit my Mom when I need/want to, or when she needs/wants me to. Very good feeling. What's odd is there are places in Cali that I've lived that are a longer drive from here than where we are going, and we are leaving the state. Once you pass that border, a whole new world opens up. People drive the speed limit, there are lots of small towns/cities, it is GREEN everywhere. It's really different, and great. People are quite friendly and rent is freakishly cheap. It's all around different and I really like that. Of course, there are things I will like and won't like that I don't know anything about yet, because I'm not there yet. And that is part of what I'm standing on the cliff looking at right now. The possibilities are endless to me. I had come to a point within the last few years that I thought I would just live and die in this town, apartment and job and would not do or see anything new. It sounds morbid, but I was almost OK with that life. I had given up any hope that things could be better. I was comfortably numb, to borrow the term from one of my fave bands, and I didn't know, until recently, just how bad the situation was, in my job, this town and overall in my heart.

So, the prospects are endless. And yes, you take yourself with you, this I know. I don't expect a new town, house and job to magically make me a new person. I know that I am who I am, and unless I do some serious soul searching and rennovating, I can take all of my issues I have here with me into the next phase of life I'm moving into. But, I'm cognizant of the reality that I am responsible and in control of my own life, and that I have a lot of work to do on myself in order to insure a bright future, emotionally and otherwise. I am ready and able to do this work and intend to search high and low for any and ever opportunity to better myself. I've tried to please others, I've tried to live my life for others...............not happening anymore. I can love others, but only as much as I love myself. And I can only live MY life for me. That is a certain. So, I'd better start living my life today. Got a number of things I need to do, including tracking water/food and exercise. No more loafing around, or eating sub-par meals. It's nutrition and hydration in the proper amounts all day today, teamed with heart rate acceleration and muscle toning at some point. Should be good.

Hugs. Cheers. Hugs.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Best of luck to you. See this as an adventure. You are going to be awesome!
    1665 days ago
    Moving away from every thing and everyone you know is very hard. I did it in 2002. I moved 24 hours drive away from everything I once knew because I fell in love with JF and he asked me to live with him and I said yes.

    For the first 6 months I was terribly homesick but I got by. I went "home" in Sept. 2002 for a belly dance workshop that I'd help to organize and then again at the end of 2002 ringing in 2003. My friends were still there and had missed me, but after being away now for over 11 years they do not call or write any more. We have grown apart. I've changed. They've changed. We all change!

    Of course I go back periodically when there is a wedding or milestone family birthday, but now I've been gone for over 11 years I ask myself sometimes would I ever go back? My answer is often no and sometimes yes. There is no going back though.

    What I'm describing sounds perfectly horrible!! I don't want to scare you. I'm just telling you how it was for me. It's hard, but I survived and frankly I can't imagine my life if I had said no to JF and stayed in my hometown.

    I think you have more experience than I do at moving house. I was born and raised in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I've traveled a fair bit in Canada and the U.S. I lived in Nashville for only 6 months (I didn't want to lose my Canadian health benefits so could only be away for that length of time) and then at the age of 41 left everything familiar for what I have now, which is pretty incredible. JF calls me the most courageous woman he knows.
    Go to Oregon knowing that you are courageous too!
    1665 days ago
    1666 days ago
    How fun! My Mom grew up in Portland and every 4 or 5 years we would camp across country to visit the relatives there. Multanomah Falls is beautiful! The lodge at Mt Hood is a must see. I DO know that people that go there to live never come back east. Old college friends.. free spirit types. Cousins that love Eugene and Salem areas.
    One thing you can do in SP is join the group that will be local ahead of your venture to get some ideas. (I did that just before we took a trip up to Vermont once.)
    Dust off any hiking boots and musical instruments you may have!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1666 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/29/2013 12:02:42 PM
    Loved your blog and your outlook. I think I would be scared out of my pants. Keep us updated.
    1666 days ago
    Congratulations and good luck on your new adventure!
    1666 days ago
    Sounds to me that you are moving to Southern Oregon. You will love it there.
    Have been there many times, and have friends there too.
    Sorry you will be leaving our Sacramento Valley.

    Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

    1667 days ago
  • JSPIN74
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Best wishes...sounds mostly wonderful & I'm sort of jealous! but only in the friendliest of ways emoticon
    1667 days ago
    Deep breath and . . . . JUMP!

    1667 days ago
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