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Sunday, October 27, 2013

I often wonder ‘what’. What was it that made me do it, finally? And what is it that keeps me staying on track? At first it was, just lose the weight. I focused on staying on target until I reached my goal, with mini-goals along the way. Reading everything on Spark that I could (this was before Facebook for me). Because of my ‘All or Nothing’ mentality, I had to make myself go slow, because burnout is what that mentality got me every single time in the past. It took about 2 to 2 ½ years to lose the excess, so maintenance has been 1 ½ to 2 years. During this maintenance time I have been sculpting my body, losing inches and building muscle. Yes that is slow, but I needed that to make the mental adjustments that go along with it. I’m a very empathetic person; it almost seems like I can feel what others are feeling (to an extent). I empathize when someone is feeling defeated, overwhelmed, stressed and/or their plain hate over what I am doing for me, this requires a mental adjustment. I had to take on the, ‘that is them, this is me mentality’. It feels very selfish at first, but the more you practice it the more you realize the phrase, “Bear one another’s burdens”, does not mean become like that person, it means ‘support’ them. Teach them to fish, so to speak. To enable them to overcome what it is that holds them back. If I become like them, I have not helped, I have just become the enabler that strengthens their weakness. My successes have to be the toughest part of this process. Going slow has helped me to realign my thinking and to some degree friendships. With the changes in my physical appearance those around me have changed their relationship with me. I wouldn't say I lost friends; it’s more like the friendships changed their dynamics. Some people simply cannot handle me eating a salad at Fuddruckers, but unless it is my meal off I will not eat outside of my calorie range. I will not have consecutive weekends in a row off, period. I know I cannot, because of this wonderful body God gave me, go back to eating the way I did before. If I want something, I have it, but it is planned, without exception. Going slow has also helped when I am unable to post my food intake. I know what is acceptable and what is not (my trainer was the biggest help with this), reading labels is part of purchasing now. The phrase that gets me through the rough times is, “Are you interested or Committed”. Now I have Facebook and the Spark and follow all the pages of people who are committed. I remember when I started with tracking my food intake it took so much time to put all my food in. That’s when the phrase above has helped. Now tracking my food takes no time and I can be on and off quickly. Working with a trainer was one of the best things I've done also. Working with Ruben helped with the ‘Progress is Progress no matter how small’. The first time I worked with him, he got me over a plateau, but like I've stated before, I had to go even slower and realign my thoughts, to mentally accept the changes that were taking place with and around me. I worked with him again more recently and that is when everything started to click. Understanding my body, what it likes, what it doesn't like. Making and eating delicious food that my whole family loves. Bulk cooking so there is ‘no excuses’. Always have a protein bar in my purse. “No excuses”. I know what to order at every restaurant and which restaurants, for me, to stay away from. In reality it started to click for me after working with him; I had to ‘realign’. I LOVE successful people. Not everyone is like me. Just last week I was in tears all the way home from the gym, I was dismissed because of my success (realigning again). I also got called a ‘hoss’ last week, my muscles aren't that big. I have to consider the source, if they have no muscle my little bit of muscle looks huge. Outside of my immediate family, Sparkpeople and Facebook I only have 4 people that accept me as I am. They don’t mind that I ‘Eat Clean and Train Dirty’. So the ‘what’ for me is “slow and steady” and “commitment”. I have to realize that it is o.k. to look good in my clothes, it’s o.k. to be successful and it’s more than o.k. to say, “That is them, this is me.”

May God Bless You Abundantly,
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