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Honesty works both ways

Friday, October 25, 2013

Well, the other day I was perfectly honest about all my excuses lately and kind of got a bit tough with myself. I need that. Let’s face it – I was brought up tough and I need to be tough with myself. I will rely on you, my WONDERFUL spark friends, to let me know when I’ve crossed the line. You have never failed to tell me to ease up when I need to.

The point today is that I have to also be honest about my successes.

Before I started this journey, (approximately Dec 2011) I only had social interactions with family and people who drained/used me. I was 197+ (197 was the scale BEFORE Christmas, didn’t step on it until over a month on Spark). I wore a size 14/16 depending on the cut. Tops were all XL or up (mostly up). I could barely walk around the block. I ate crap and felt like it. My life was work and a video game to escape “life”.

One year ago I joined the Maintenance team (Oct 2012). I had started cutting out the users in my life. I was at 130 (the top of what I consider my acceptable range) and wearing a 5/6 comfortably. I could get into a 4, but most were too tight to be acceptable. My shirts were all smalls. I was running a 9.5 min mile (on average). I was happy and healthy. I was out in the world and living a real life.

This year, I’m up to 143 – so I’ve got a bit to re-lose. I can still were my 6’s, some are tight but most are wearable (see blog, denim ultimatum). My tops are small/med. There are very few I cannot wear. I’m running about a 10 to 11 minute mile but I am running. I only have those people I want or HAVE to have in my life.

So I’ve maintained an over 50 pound weight loss. I can wear my smaller clothes. I’m much more active. I have few but loyal friends and am working on expanding this group. I have you wonderful Spark friends. I have to admit, I’m in a much better place.

I’m also stronger and usually more confident. I’ve opened up in ways I didn’t think I could but I’ve also learned to protect my inner self from being used. So being honest, I would say I’m running a B average here. Not great or perfect by any stretch of the imagination but OH so much better than where I started. I’m even learning to fight my depression. So I’m really proud of me.

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