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I am going to let go

Thursday, October 24, 2013

I have no clue what I feel right now. I know I am tired of feeling how I do. I am tired of clinging on to hope for my relationship. I shrug my shoulders. ‘Cause there is nothing I can do and I don’t want to any more. I am tired of caring about a person that never thinks about me. Who tells me that I should stop caring and sacrificing myself or things for him. I thought that was what a relationship was about? To make each other happy and go above and beyond. I have to stop trying to fit this idea in my head that what I see isn’t the truth. It is right in my face! I see it and I alter the truth just to feed this dumb idea of what it should be like in my head. I don’t even want to hear I love you. What about the words I care for you. Those words are to me what I want to hear and see. Caring for me means you have to show it. The word love is vague and interpreted in many ways. But care is a word that has to be expressed. To care for someone is deeper to me at this point in my life than the word love.

So now that I see clearly and I know it’s because these people that are new to my life pray for me daily. I will start to let go slowly and give it to God. I am suffering and it hurts too much for me to carry this anymore. I feel I have to because it’s as if I hear it clearly a voice telling me to let it go and you will be fine. Many things are about to change for me because certain routines that I have built around me will no longer exist anymore because I will listen and let go. It will all be handed over to Him.

I am so grateful for these people in my Team. Being a leader has helped me in ways you will never truly understand. I feel I have a new found reason to succeed. To do this not only for myself but because through all of the love that I receive from them daily, all the prayer they sent my way and because I have such a beautiful daughter, I need to listen to what I was told to do. For the first time in my life I feel safe and I am not scared.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The Power of Prayer is priceless, with God on your side, you are sure to always shine!
    1699 days ago
    There you go Ginger. That's my girl. My prayers are being answered over you and I know that things are going to work better for you. For one just because you are giving it over to the Father. I am so proud of you sweetheart, and thank-you so much for being my bestie. I wish you lived here or I lived in Florida because hon I would give you such a giant bear hug. I love you girl, you are going to make it in the name of Jesus. Amy emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1700 days ago
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    I am glad to hear this. we are praying for you daily. I've been through a lot of this myself when you blog it is like you are blogging a reflection of who I've been. I was in the exact kinds of relationships with the kinds of guys you were referring too. anytime you need to talk I'm here. I've been there and have dealt with all those feelings.
    1700 days ago
    I agree with what Hannahsgrammie said.
    Ginger, you are so precious and loved by us and yes we do pray for you daily.
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    1700 days ago
    Thinking of you. You will get through this. Keep on keeping on.
    1701 days ago
    I'm glad you feel safe. I'm praying for you. You are doing a wonderful job with the team--more than I had envisioned. I couldn't do the challenges.

    1701 days ago
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