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I Know What I Want

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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Today is day 7 of my streak!

Having a streak keeps me accountable, and its one of the things that really motivates me to keep working hard to do my best each day. But its not my only motivation. There are other things that work as incentives to keep me on track, such as being able to fit into smaller clothes, looking better, and hearing compliments from my hubby.

Those things are great, but they're not always enough to keep me in line and doing the things I know I need to do. Even though I love hubby's compliments...even though its a thrill to no longer be a size 3x...sometimes those things are just insufficient for keeping my motivation high.

Of course, I know that motivation comes and goes. No matter how much I want something, or how important it is to me, there are times when I am just "not feeling" it, and I want to give up. (At least for a little while.)

I've lost weight quite a few times in my life. I'm 52 now, and my earnest struggles with weight began around the time I turned 30. Thats when the weight started coming on. I tried all sorts of diets....some of them healthy, some of them not. With every diet, I would have success for a while, and then give up and gain the weight back.

In 2006, I joined a women's gym and became a vegetarian. Even though I was a vegetarian, I wasn't really eating the healthiest food, to be honest. There was a lot of junk food in my diet, and I wasn't getting enough calories. I foolishly prided myself on eating around 800 calories or less a day. The weight came off...I lost 86 lbs. But it wasn't sustainable, of course. There was no way I could go on eating 800 calories a day! And in less than a year, I started putting the weight back on. I actually gained back ONE HUNDRED pounds in a very short time! It was embarrassing and heart breaking. I had to pack up all my "skinny clothes" and go back to the plus sizes. I even started buying clothes in the Big Men's department from time to time.

I didn't want to give up, though. I thought that I would lose the weight again, "someday." I joined Sparkpeople and learned a lot about HEALTHY weight loss here. But losing all that weight again seemed like such a HUGE task. I would lose a few pounds, but gain them back.

At first, my motivation to lose the weight was so that I could fit into my skinny clothes again. But it wasn't until I stopped thinking of those clothes, and starting thinking about my health, that I finally was able to get on track and start losing the weight.

There are still times now when I get off track and gain a little weight back, but those times don't last because I don't let them. I remind myself of WHY I am on this journey.

I love to imagine myself fitting into my skinny clothes again someday. I delight in my husbands compliments on how much better I look. But you know what I love even more than those things? The thrill of being fit and healthy, thats what! I have made my health a priority, and that has really made a huge difference in my journey. I am not losing this weight just to look better. I am doing it to FEEL better. I eat right and I exercise because it is a gift to my body. Junk food and lethargy are just abuse.

I will never be perfect on my journey, and thats okay, because I will never give up on myself. I will get off track sometimes, but I will always get back on track again because I know I am worth my best effort. I know what I want, and why I want it.

"We have to see the purpose of our struggle with food as something more than getting to wear smaller sizes and receive compliments.
Shallow desires produce shallow efforts."
-Lysa TerKeurst

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