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Looking Good gets you love, right? Something tells me that's wrong.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

I'm kind of "over" the high of fantasizing what I'm going to look like when I reach goal.

I'm really starting to get with the reality that I will be 41 when I get to goal, not 21. I am starting to get wrinkles around my mouth (not attractive). My eyes are already a bit wrinkly.

I guess I'm a little down about how the effects of the aging process on my looks will reduce HOW MUCH I WILL BE LOVED. When I am thinking within this paradigm, I get glum. I know, I know, how's that paradigm workin' for ya? Answer: It's not.

I have associated thinness with lovability since middle school. I know intellectually that we are all sparks of divine inspiration and therefore intrinsically valuable and lovable, but I do not love myself or others--not really. I have lots of emotional issues. Working on them.

I'm guessing that here's the issue:

(a) Doing stuff (achieving, performing, getting a fit & strong body) to GET love


(b) Starting with a foundation that I (& others) ARE ALREADY LOVABLE and that we can have content, fulfilling lives by developing the talents that we have and using them to serve others. "Doing stuff" is for GIVING love, not getting it.

I know intellectually that (b) is reality, but emotionally buying into that reality is another story. I'll get there. I want to get there. I'll keep working on it.

emoticon Mullet man agrees that, even though he has the best hair in town, he is lovable in and of himself and therefore wants to serve his fellow man out of a strong sense of self worth. He knows that he would be lovable even without his mullet (but he would still mourn the loss of said mullet.)
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  • WALNUTT1961
    I am 52 years old now. I wish I had learned, back then/when, what I know now! It doesn't matter what others think of you, only what you think of yourself. I have been in situations at work that Madeit3 mentioned, but I was persistent enough to make myself heard.

    Hang in there - the aging process is actually "freeing!" I just want to have fun and enjoy my friends and family. I dress how I want and as for the wrinkles (I guess I have good genes and just started getting them at 50) - I moisturized morning and night through my 40's and limited the sun exposure. I have to admit I didn't wear sunscreen.

    You will get there.

    Lee Ann

    1662 days ago
  • GHK1962
    I really liked MadeIt3's answer (and the others too).

    I want to add ... sometimes you'll go into that mode ... just try not to stay there. I think just like exercise and eating well, it takes practice. Practice telling yourself that all the good things about yourself is hard at first ... but gets better the more you do it :)

    It also seems though, like you are honestly working on things to improve ... so yahhh for that.

    As for mullet man ... maybe he would find in missing his mullet that he still has his mullet man powers! (Just like Sampson yup yup. :)
    1669 days ago
    I really had to think long and hard about this Blog post. Here's what I know. When I'm heavy and I am in business meetings, unless I know the people in the meeting well, they will more than likely dismiss what I have to say. If I'm thin, people that I don't know (and again, I'm only talking business meetings) will pay close attention to what I say. And, when I was young and still going to bars (do people even do that anymore), I got more attention thin than I got when I was heavy.

    Thin and fat have more to do with first impressions than with love. And yes, you'll find some people still have the "no fat chicks" sign out, but most don't anymore. So many more people have struggled with being fat, feeling fat, avoiding fat, that I think the bias against fat has started - just started, mind you - to change.

    I will say that it's better to be young - and 40, my dear, is young - than to be old. Although being old is better than the alternative (to end with something totally trite).

    Have a wonderful weekend!!
    1671 days ago
    I love that you shared this. I too have problems dealing with this.

    There was a blog that I wrote before and you commented on but I thought that I would share this part:

    From Stitch of "Lilo and Stitch" I learned that something can be broken but that doesn't make it BAD! I always thought I was a bad person and no one would love me because I was broken and overweight and didn't have it all together.
    YES, I am broken but I am a person and that means I am unique, I deserve as much respect, love and joy as any other person and I am a good person.

    Being overweight or a different race or religion or sick - doesn't make someone bad and it doesn't change their worth. I have some bad habits and I'm not always the nicest person but that doesn't make me bad.
    1673 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    I totally get what you are saying. That mental thing can be such a drag on the whole process. Associating thinness with lovability is a hard frame of mind to break away from. You seem to have the right attitude about it and where you are going. I hope you can find that balance because what you are doing is worth it no matter how many wrinkles or more loveable we are!
    1673 days ago
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