It is most defenitely not my weekend.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Long story short I had another best friend be deleted from my life and a six page paper I was unaware of that's due tomorrow.

This guy is the best friend I have ever had, we are so much alike and everything we do is the best. He has always been there for me, has always helped me out and given me good advice. Long story short he told me that our mutual friend was saying mean things about me behind my back. I dealt with it and kept my distance from this mutual friend. Eventually three weeks past and the mutual friend asked me if I was ok and I lost it and told him what was confided in me. I messed up and broke Josh's trust. I apologized as much as I could but he completely cut me out of his life instantly and said that trust cant be build again. My selfish thoughts say that he should of just defende me against this mutual friend and never told me what was said. It eats away at me when I hear people say mean things about me. I have apologized as much as I can but I don't think this is something that can be undone.

So here I am-back to the square root of lonely.I have some great friends but they all live so far away now. I guess this is my time to really focus on getting healthy and continuing down the healthy path. People that are supposed to be in your life will be, they will find their way.

I sat down to begin writing this stupid paper and this is what happened instead:

We close our eyes
Trying to feel free
But we are still chained
To a vision incomplete
Of holy sorrows
And rigorous defeat
Our helpless hands
No longer see
The dove and arrow
Flying towards me

A vision reversed
A Joyous triumph
The cage is fleed’
Wings of crimson gold
Embrace your body
Forgive me

Even though I am writing this crying I still feel strong. I feel like this is the best thing I can do for myself.

I also am a visual learner so I am including a positive inspirational picture of myself from last night. it helps keep me focused on what I need to do for me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love your poem! It is so amazing!
    2073 days ago
    I can understand you questioning Josh's motives. I feel the same way. I had a long discussion with my SIL, who seems to delight in telling me the bad things other people say about me. I finally told her that I did not want to hear those bad things. I told her that it both upsets me to hear what someone else is saying and it makes me wonder why the messenger wants to hurt my by telling me. I haven't heard much from her since I told her these things, but at least I am not hearing all the trash talk either.

    It will hurt for a while but you will make new friends...better friends...ones who don't talk about you behind your back.

    2073 days ago
    I promise that new people will come into your life. I know this from my own experience and its the cycle of life. I disconnected from someone I had thought was my friend for many years (12 to be exact)and soon after met 3 wonderful women Ella, Marcia and Jenna that are irreplaceable and who I consider really close friends. I met them through my community college doing what I love ( playing tennis ). These women are uplifting and inspire me to grow. I hope you are able to finish your paper but please don't worry will meet someone that will awaken you to what true friendship means and in all honesty I agree that true friends don't let other friends bad mouth each other.
    2074 days ago
    aww thank you for your kind words-I appreciate it ! I cant get it to find you on there :( ...try finding me? Jennifer McAlonen
    2074 days ago
    Awe I hope your weekend gets better.

    I recently had my sister-in-law tell me to not to text her or call her until I can learn to be a true friend .. It hurt because I had no idea what I had even done to her. It is NO fun when really good friends cut you out for no reason!

    That is right .. time to focus on YOu and to make YOU happy girl. You can do this.

    US friends on SP are here for you .. feel free to find me on FB and friend me if you ever need a friend to talk to. I don't get on SP too often.. once a week maybe. Jillian Kulakowski -- I'll look forward to it.
    2074 days ago
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