i think this happens to most of us
Saturday, October 19, 2013
i comment about this because i read so many of our by lines on spark and they are so similar- different words maybe - but it all means the same. i am referring to most of the 'ladies' description of who they were and who they have become.
BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I TAKE NO COMFORT IN THE OLD ADAGE 'MISERY LOVES COMPANY'. i am looking for some solution, some meeting of the minds, some strategies to help all of us.
when i was so sick with thyroid, RA and Fibromyalgia flare ups that dogged me relentlessly for the past seven years - i blamed my lack of interest in 'FUN STUFF I USED TO LOVE' on all of that.
indeed, just trying to get out of bed in the morning, battling vertigo, never being able to drive - i wondered why i opened my eyes for yet another day to do it all over again.
i fought very hard to get to where i am now - and believe me i thank myself, all the support from on HIGH, and from friends including the sparkers who offered advice and encouragement, and NEVER CAN FORGET THE LOVE OF MY LITTLE CRITTERS.
i embrace every opportunity to help some one else and delight in seeing progress. but i still long for the FUN ME - i cannot find her - where is the optimism, love of friends, conversation, enjoyment in a coffee, walking thru the mall, etc??
i cannot dredge up an ounce of enthusiasm - i really have no positive energy for myself left. i think - TOMORROW i will style my hair, put on my make up, and look for colorful clothes' but then the morning comes and the demands on my time barely afford me enough minutes to do the 'essentials' first thing in the day.,
i am devoid - i feel like i must be floating above my frail fat painful body - everyday my thoughts never are 'light' - it is always what I HAVE TO DO as the sole caregiver here, taking care of my pets are a joy so i don't include them. they are my reprieve from the realities here.
i am so tired - no matter when i sleep or don't - i am weary.
tears don't come very easily anymore - it takes so much out of me - and it does not solve the problems.
this week i went thru five days of MIGRAINE (wonderful) and now my entire left side of my face seems numb but there are lots of pains shooting into my jaws and teeth. OH WELL - MAYBE IT WILL BE GOOD FOR A FEW POUNDS OF WEIGHT LOSS. lol
yeah - that never works for me.
let me hear from all of you who are going through 'looking backwards in the mirror' - searching for a little part of the wonderful persons we used to be. can we be again? i can't see a whole lot of good stuff for the future.
i cannot watch TV - whether news filled with cruelty to children, animals and each other - or REALITY crap - which is gut wrenchingly sickening.
can we help each other be the best and find some humor - anticipate your replies.