Triumphs and Loneliness
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sometimes I think that both triumphs and loneliness go hand-in-hand. They can both cause havoc on one another.
Last week my doctor told me i needed to stop my training for the 3 Day event until my foot heals. I could have easily taken it as an opportunity to just stop all fitness and veg out on the couch. BUT it worried me because i did not want to lose momentum and/or gain weight. So i asked if I could do other things. I can basically do anything that will not cause me to apply constant direct pressure on my foot or cause friction.
So i changed up my plans and hit the gym, started lifting weights and even threw in some kettlebell work - btw, i forgot how much working with the kettlebells actually works your legs..OUCH!
The result? I've lost another 3lbs this week. I'm now down to 256lbs (In an earlier blog i typed that i was at 258...i should double check my numbers, i was at 259lbs.).
Here's the thing...
The holidays are right around the corner. For a single woman, living 900+ miles away from any family...it gets tough. REALLY tough. Most of my closest friends here will either be traveling out of state to see family or they are attending the holidays with their significant others. The writings on the wall this year...it's just me this year. And it sucks. But i need to devise a plan to just keep my head in the game i guess.
Loneliness can destroy all of the hard work i've placed into myself over the last month and moving forward. It's not something that i haven't had to deal with before...loneliness is a major issue with me and always has been an issue. Don't get me wrong, i have a lot of friends, but...they aren't the "lets just hang out and do nothing" type of friends.
Lately i've been hitting the gym or working out multiple times a day (before and after work). Why? Because it keeps my mind off the fact that i'm lonely. I don't want to just be at home by myself. Feeling alone sucks...and it can be crippling.
Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be alone and lonely than with someone that doesn't care about me. I was ina marriage for almost 10yrs where that was the case. I was MORE lonely while i was married than any other time in my life.
Why am i writing this? Because i need to be accountable to myself and being able to go back and read it allows for that to take place.