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Pity Party

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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Time to admit it and ask for help. I am struggling.

Most of my Spark friends know that I have been at a plateau for a long time. After losing 71 lbs, my progress just stalled. At first, I stayed strong during the plateau. I kept eating right and exercising. I celebrated my non-scale victories; more flexibility, more endurance, being able to wear my wedding rings again, being stronger, no longer having to wear elastic waist paints, etc. Everytime I got a little discouraged about being at a plateau, I reminded myself of how far I'd come, and it would strengthen me to keep pushing myself.

But the plateau never ended! Sometimes I started getting discouraged, and during those times I'd binge. Sometimes I'd binge to the point where I could tell I was gaining weight. Then I'd get back on track and lose those pounds again....and once those re-gained pounds were gone, I'd hit a plateau again!

It just seems like I've hit a wall and there's no way to get past it. Is it menopause thats causing this? I've come so far, and I feel so much better than I did a year ago when I weighed 286 lbs...but I don't want to stay here. I want to lose the rest of the weight! I'm only halfway to the goal I've set for myself, and I will not be satisfied to remain here.

Depression has been creeping in, and over the weekend I really let it get to me. I have been binge eating ever since I woke up on Saturday morning. I have not exercised. Basically, I've been sabotaging myself and having a little pity party. I've gained weight and have undone any progress I've made in the past few weeks.

Isn't it amazing how HARD you have to work to lose weight...and how EASY it is to gain weight with just a few days of sloppy eating?

Lately, I've been feeling so tempted to just give up. I ask myself "Wouldn't it just be so much easier to go back to eating whatever you want, and not pushing yourself to exercise every day?"

The lies I am so capable of telling myself! The truth is, it would NOT be easier to go back to my old ways. My old ways were KILLING me from obesity! As hard as it is now to continue eating right and exercising while at a plateau, its still easier than living my life the way I used to, with constant pain from the extra weight on my joints...the non-stop embarrassment over how I looked...the humiliation of not being able to fit in restaurant booths or the fear of being too heavy for some chairs...the racing heart from the slightest exertion...the self recrimination of not being able to control myself with food.

Its time to end the pity party. Plateau or no plateau, I need to get back to work. I have come too far to just give up and go back to the old me. My Spark flame has dimmed a little, but it hasn't gone out. I will keep fighting to be my own hero.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Pixie, u have been such an inspiration 4 so many of us! I know u can do it! We can do it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1307 days ago
    emoticon for the emoticon blog.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1552 days ago
    1572 days ago
    We're all behind you! emoticon
    1653 days ago
    great post
    1685 days ago
  • TINA8605
    You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Those that have a large amount of weight to loose butt heads with a plateau. How do I deal with mine? After doing the pity party (I have them too), I read about it on line...google it...study it...take suggestions and put them to work for you. Basically, the answer is to up your workout...make it a little longer, make it a bit heavier, reduce those calories a little lower for a while. Try that and see how it works for you. Remember. we all go through this stage. That's the No. 1 reason people get off a plan. Don't include yourself in this range. You can do this!!!
    1695 days ago
    Sorry to hear you are stuck in this plateau especially since you have been such an amazing inspiration.

    It is understandable to feel a bit down but remember you are incredible and always have been!

    1697 days ago
    Dear Pixie,

    Thank you for sharing!! My heart goes out to you. I too am at a plateau. It's been a year easily. The only thing keeping me sane was at least I wasn't gaining so that was something! I did loose I think 5 or so pounds two months ago but have since gained about 7 pounds back. This is totally my fault. I have been doing a rehab of a house my daughter has bought for the last two months and have been eating what is on sight when I get there after work. I am hoping that the loss and now the gain has broken the plateau and once I am able to get back to my own routine I can start my journey again. Don't give up hope! It will get better. You have to feel better and focus on that! We are all here for you!

    1697 days ago
    Well said
    1699 days ago
  • NETSUE64
    Dear Pixie,

    I understand the plateau. I know how you feel because my weight loss has slowed so much. I didn't start at the same place as you, but it's been a long struggle just the same to lose 65. I haven't binged, but I've had a couple nights of 2 or 3 snacks instead of just one.

    All I know is this.....I do not want to lose the progress I've made. If this is the best I can do, it is worlds away from where I was. I won't quit trying but if I stay here it's better than quitting and going back again.

    So, I can't give any advice about how to break the plateau. All I can say is you've done a great job and you are better off no matter what happens in the future. I hope your body starts to let go of the fat and the scale starts to move!
    1700 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1701 days ago
    You will beat the old you! emoticon
    Thanks for being such a wonderful inspiration! Heck I reached a plateau after 10 lost pounds - I am a little embarrassed to say that but I will emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1706 days ago
    I really need to get back on track. Thanks for sharing.
    1706 days ago
  • SHERYLP461
    It is so hard not to feel depressed when things don't go the way they should. You have accomplished much that has gone the way it should. Pretend and soon it will be truth.
    1707 days ago
  • G33K10V3
    I'm sorry you've hit this plateau and I know it will happen to me eventually too. Maybe just try upping your water intake and add some more variety to your exercise or let the spark exercise generator make some exercises for you to follow, anything to switch it up. Our bodies get used to a certain level of activity and it can be harder to kick everything into gear.
    Also, you can, if you don't already, start eating and drinking more things that will boost your metabolism like green tea, apples, low fat yogurt, celery, cinnamon, grape fruit, broccoli, garlic, oats, hot pepper, avocado, brown rice, almonds, to name a few.
    Another thing that I have been focusing on more is building that lean muscle that will help to burn fat. I have been doing some strength training (about five to ten minutes worth) before I do my cardio. I try to do it about twenty minutes before my cardio and that helps your body burn something like 30 percent more fat.
    You may know most of that stuff already but if not, I hope it helps you find your way off your plateau, good luck!!! emoticon

    Also! Make sure you are getting AT LEAST your 8 hours of sleep at night that is VERY important for weight loss!!!!
    1707 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/20/2013 5:08:11 AM
    You can do this! It is an amazing feat to lose 71 pounds! You have the skills and tools to do this and a whole bunch of people cheering you on!
    1707 days ago
    Hello Pixie.

    Sorry to get to this so late, but I too have been struggling and one of the thingss I've been struggling with is trying to find enough time to Spark without staying up half the night at hte compouter!

    I add my voice to the crowd of people who are cheering you on.

    You can do this!
    1708 days ago
    My dearest Pixie,
    I am so sorry to hear you are going through this difficult time. My thoughts an prayers are with you. I know you'l find your footing and soon gain the momentum you need to go forward. As always your honesty is admirable. You are one of the people that keep me coming back even though I can't seem to get my eating under control. You did it before & you can do to again!
    emoticon emoticon Dee
    1708 days ago
    Hang in there, Pixie. I've been there myself. The only thing to do, is to persevere! You WILL win out in the end!
    ps-look at how loved you are - there are SO many posts on this BLOG!!! emoticon
    1709 days ago
    Wow! That's a lot of comments LOL AKA support! We are all there with you Pixie! Obviously a great blog, as always. If this isn't evidence of how awesome you are and how much of a motivator you are I don't know what is! So many great ideas here to help you push thru....ultimately we all have to figure out what it is that we as individuals have to do to push beyond a plateau right? I'm searching for that elusive key to making the scale move again right along with you. UGH! Keep on fighting girl.....whatever you do don't give up! Cuz if you do then I'd be so bummed!!!!! cuz I look to your blogs as inspiration. Just by being so honest, your motivating to others. Please suck up some of this support here and carry on...one pound up, one pound down....until it stays going down. If you do, then I will!
    Best wishes,
    1709 days ago
  • CICELY360
    Good blog
    1709 days ago
    emoticon to you. Plain & simple. Sometimes we all need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, or just an ear to listen.

    We are all here for you honey. Look at all the wonderful people who are willing to stand behind you and catch you when you fall.

    I saw you said your flame had fizzled a little. emoticon LOL do ya need a little fire to get you started again?? Sending fireworks your way to get you going.

    Lots of love. Have a wonderful weekend. Love, Berta
    1709 days ago
    Plateaus are not failures, they are successes!

    Remember, even if you are on a plateau, you are NOT GAINING. If you are NOT GAINING, you are STILL WINNING!

    (I've hit my fair share of them, can you tell? :) )

    Keep on keeping on!
    1709 days ago
    How sweet you are! I am experiencing the same thing, but I don't have the longevity you do in it. I think I would feel the same way you do. My losses have slowed down since July after losing about 70 pounds. I am 76 pounds lighter now since this past December but I have fought tooth and nail for those puppies!

    I think it is great that you are motivating yourself and others at the same time. This is a key for me this time. (This is my third attempt at losing a significant amount of weight, I have lost 100 pounds before, and I used to be a weight loss counselor!) All in all I am so thankful for this website, for folks like you, and for the incredible amount of encouragement that comes through the power of sharing.

    You can do this. It is a "different" ball game the closer you get to the goal, but it is achievable. I say this to you and me with a resolve like a race horse because I am determined this holiday season will not, will NOT, WILL NOT do me in! I hope the very same for you!
    1709 days ago
    Keep pushing! You can do it! Thanks for sharing your struggle! you have helped me today!!! emoticon emoticon
    1709 days ago
    Great blog. Hang in there. You will do it and it will feel great! Keep up the good work and don't be discouraged. emoticon emoticon
    1709 days ago
    I'm a little late to the party but I gotta toss in my 2 cents. What you are feeling is NORMAL. Just know that you are not alone. I'm in such a place right now myself. Some of that is my own doing and some of it is simply post event blues but regardless, both have worked together to create a potent mix that put me on the floor for a while.

    I'm starting to pull out of it but it has been a slow grind. First it was a much needed attitude adjustment, then it has been slowly bleeding over into my actions. In a sense I am in "rehab"

    One thing that you and I need to remember that 100% effort is a variable. Maybe when we were "hitting on all 8 cylinders", we were working out everyday and getting our nutrition down pat, that was 100% effort. Now that we are struggling emotionally, 100% effort is defined as simply getting out of bed and going for a walk.

    The problem is that we remember the former 100% and condemn ourselves for not hitting it.

    Just be patient with yourself and I pinky promise to do the same.

    This is a volatile time and this is where a lot of people crash, burn, and go back to what they were. Don't allow yourself to join that number.

    This is a test and when you pass, just think of the example you will be setting.

    Weight loss for me has NEVER been a consistent experience with some real serious gaps (like over a year+) in major losses.

    just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will eventually reach the finish line.
    1709 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/18/2013 9:25:31 AM
    Your blog was just the thing I needed to read. I've been on a plateau and felt the same way you do. After reading your blog and all of the encouraging responses from other Sparkers, I feel so much better. It makes sense that a plateau is what maintenance will feel like. Thanks.

    1709 days ago
    First I want to thank you for your transparency. You eloquently but into words what so many of us feel or have felt many, many, many times. I think one of your quotes nailed it on the head. "The struglle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow. DON'T GIVE UP!" Take it as life handing you an advanced placement class for when you are entering and living in Maintenance mode. That future time that is coming (and IT IS coming) when there is no more movement on the scale but the LIFESTYLE MUST STILL CONTINUE DAY TO DAY.
    Hang in there....your body WILL catch up and in the meantime know that you are not alone. You have come so far! Congratulations on all your successes so far and best wishes for your continued journey.
    1709 days ago
    keep going Pixie, you've come a long way and 71 pounds is amazing!
    1709 days ago
    I've been on a plateau for a few months myself.......my efforts had plateaued......going to give it another go now. Just re-joined a few weeks ago.
    1710 days ago
    I've been on a plateau for almost 3 weeks. Glad to see you have found the strength to hang in there. emoticon
    1710 days ago
  • AJB121299
    1710 days ago
    Awesome Blog, Pixie I so enjoy reading what you have to say, always positive and gives great perspective on this weight loss journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
    1710 days ago
  • ANYVAR54
    Your blog describes me to a T. Thanks for writing it. It took courage, and it was helpful to me. I have been binge eating this week, but continuing to exercise out of guilt. I have been too depressed to blog, and have also wanted to just give up on the whole Spark thing. But as long as there is a small spark, there is hope for ignition.
    Let's keep at it and keep trying. Give it your best.
    Let each day be a new beginning. I am going to read what some of your friends had to respond to you.
    1710 days ago
    Dear Pixie,
    I like your blog and your motivational quotes and I love your Spark and inner strength.

    Girl, we all know a plateau and how wearing they can be! I was on a plateau for a YEAR (!) partly because my inner strength wasn't strong enough to get past the breakthrough point and push hard enough -- I'll admit it.... but anyway.....

    There are many reasons for a plateau and some of them are GOOD reasons! So it is time for a mental adjustment as I tell you the top 3:

    1. A plateau is a weight-maintenance phase in disguise. Yes, you are going to have minor incidences of ups and downs, but weight-maintenance is ALWAYS a good thing! Honey, weight-maintenance is your ULTIMATE goal, so getting in some practice before the final event is great! Yes, yes, I know, You know, we all know that you want more loss. But the "unending-ness" of this plateau is EXACTLY what you will experience ultimately for the rest of your life when you reach goal weight. Well, it FEELS the same at first.... although if successful, eventually goal weight-maintenance becomes normal and it will feel normal -- but you won't know that until you get there. So a plateau really IS good practice!

    2. A plateau gives your body the TIME it NEEDS to adjust. It gives your body the time it NEEDS to understand that "This is the New Normal" and it isn't starving and that it can TRUST that the food keeps coming. Your conscious mind knows this, but your body does not. Once your body can trust that the food keeps coming, it can loosen its grip on the extra fat it keeps for starvation situations. And THEN you can lose more weight. I do not know how to rush this stage your body goes through -- but you CAN use the time that must pass to your advantage instead of being frustrated by your continual inability to lose. And that leads us to the 3rd good reason:

    3. Your mind needs work also to accept the new you. You must do the work of figuring out what those temptations ARE that encourage you to give up, to eat. You must figure out how to reduce and even eliminate their power. You must figure out the new recipes, foods, and ways of eating and ways of living that can satisfy you and make you feel DELIGHTED to be able to eat "this way" and to LIVE "this way" -- SERIOUSLY. You have to do the emotional work as well as the physical work. It is SO aggravating to interrupt an active losing phase with experimentation that might cause you to gain weight.... but on a plateau, you have nothing to lose LITERALLY and everything to win! So NOW is the time to experiment and search for new and more successful strategies.

    I used to wonder about those "ladies who lunch" and how they managed to eat only salad. At least that is the stereotype! And one day I realized they had reached the point of finding SATISFACTION with their choices. That is KEY. I'm not trying to psycho-analyze you or the world, but I don't think we let ourselves get dangerously obese because we are so darn happy with our choices in this land of abundance and "more is more" thought! And it is not easy to change ourselves.

    But that is precisely the work that must be done in order to keep the weight off. We make choices to SATISFY ourselves and they lead to weight gain; or we make choices to SATISFY ourselves and they lead to weight loss; or we make choices to SATISFY ourselves and they lead to weight-maintenance and good health. But we always choose to SATISFY ourselves if we can! You must choose to change what you can about yourself and your life so that you can be more and better satisfied with it -- and I'm not talking food-choices here! It can be hard and time-consuming to figure out what needs to change and how to change it!

    A PLATEAU GIVES YOU SOME OF THAT TIME. A plateau forces you to face that some changes should be made. A plateau gives you MOTIVATION that way! Be GLAD for a plateau!

    1710 days ago
    I just LOVE the honesty in your sharing here! I will come back to these thoughts when I get there!

    I just read an article that said if you hit a plateau, try this...two days of the week, like Sunday and Wednesday, eat 15-25% more calories for those two days...it will bring your metabolism out of the "starvation" mode, and shock it into revving up again (after all, cutting back food makes our body think we're starving)...and it said that things should start moving again!

    I hope this might help in some way, but mostly I would say celebrate how far you've come and just keep on keeping on....you will conquer!!!!

    1710 days ago
  • RENATA144
    emoticon emoticon
    When you hit a plateau you have to change things up, change your exercise routines, diet, etc.. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1710 days ago
    Thanks for opening up and sharing your soul with us. You have come so far! Yes, you still have a little ways to go, but what an inspiration you are to the rest of us! Life is a daily struggle and never seems to go the way we want it to. So any little achievement should be celebrated to the fullest! 71 pounds lost already...Woohoo for you!! Plateaus are difficult and then we get a mindset and no matter what, they just don't budge. So maybe if we change our mindset and think, okay, plateau has overstayed and it is time to go. Instead of thinking negatively, think positive....remember to take baby steps and soon you will be on your way again. Have faith in yourself! God bless you!
    1710 days ago
  • NHES220
    Well with your new attitude, I do not know how you cannot be succesful! You can do this!
    1710 days ago
    PS. A Challenge - You've lost 71 pounds, which is absolutely fantastic .... but .... could you please make that 72 pounds by the end of October?

    Yes or No

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1710 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your feelings here. I am touched by all that you have written and like so many others share in the kind of disappointments and depressions that flair up when things just aren't quite right in our lives and in our journeys here. Motivation has flown the coop for me and it is a blog that I intend to write about as soon as time allows.
    Having said that, however, I just want to add that I truly believe that motivation, being the winged creature that it is, will surely fly back to the coop in due time. Mine and yours. In fact, maybe our birds are hanging out together.

    As for menopause - whether it is a factor or not - it is NOT a life sentence and it will NOT keep you from reaching your goal. And do NOT let anyone tell you otherwise. Eating just under our daily calorie needs will cause weight loss. Being more active increases the calories burned each day. Preaching a sermon to YOU? Heck no! You know all this wonderful science crap just as well as the next spark guy or gal. So, maybe dig a bit deeper into what is working and what ain't working and modify whatever you can. You got that cute little spark thing attached to those awesome shoes now so it looks to me like you're already taking care of business.

    Well, shape up .... (BTW, said that like a drill sergeant)-(Real tough like) .... cuz me and a whole bunch of others are counting on you to carry on! emoticon


    1710 days ago
    1710 days ago
    hang in there, friend. i understand completely. i wonder how different it would be if we could find acceptance for and contentment with whatever weight we are. not complacency, but peace. i think we have to sorta separate ourselves from ourselves, and think about what we'd say to a friend in our circumstance. i bet if you had a friend who'd dropped 1/4 of their weight, you'd be cheering her on, and encouraging her to look at all she'd accomplished. you wouldn't chew her out for not being good enough, or for "failing." it may not come easily or naturally, but we can choose to talk to our selves in a way that encourages us, rather than bringing us further down. you're emoticon and you've encouraged so many people. emoticon emoticon
    1710 days ago
    1710 days ago
  • PGHP31CK
    I'm adding my voice to the others, cheering you on. I love your blogs, and yours is one that I read when I need an extra Spark. Thank you for your honesty in your journey, and for your encouragement!

    So I'm returning the favor. Pixie, you can do this! We've got your back, and we're rooting for you. Don't give up!

    Praying that you'll have the strength that you need for each day, and that the scale will move in the right direction soon.

    1710 days ago
    Pixie, I´m no expert, but the menopause question would be worth explor9ng further. As a ¨survivor" of menopause, I realized that my body shape changed quite a bit -and not necessarily to my liking!! The weight issue was there all along for me. I have not looked today, but I bet there are SPARK groups re menopause and losing weight -= could be really helpful to you (and me!) Depression is the other tiger you need to tame -- if I recall past posts, it´s not new to you in the past. Focus on your emotional needs and try to do what helps you out of a depression. Then you can look at this plateau in a better , more positive way. Also, have you thought of Spark Coach? Rooting for you!
    1710 days ago
  • KIMBERLY0916
    a key thing i've learned is enjoy the foods you are eating ... enjoy the exercises you are doing ... there is nothing off limits .. just do unheathier stuff in moderation

    don't punish yourself .. like they say don't ruin the other 3 tires if you get 1 flat on your car .. just patch it and get repaired and keep going on the healthier path you've set yourself on

    there's not much (if anything) to miss about your old ways ... be who you want to be ... be happy with who you are and who you become every day
    1710 days ago
    don't give up...
    1710 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1710 days ago
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