Picking Myself Up by My Boot Straps AGAIN
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
It's been quite a while since I blogged. Life has gotten in the way again. My doctor keeps telling me I need to start putting myself ahead of others. That's just not the way I was raised so it's very difficult putting myself first.
Two weeks ago last Sunday, my daughter gave birth to a sweet little boy - our miracle baby - since she wasn't suppose to be able to carry to full term after having cervical cancer. Ryder is so much fun! Ryder was born 3 days after Mackenzie's (his sister's) 8th birthday.
I've been doing a lot of pondering - lots of extra time on my hands with insomnia. I DO want to be around to see Mackenzie and Ryder grow up and be an active part of their lives. If I don't get my weight and diabetes under control - that's not going to happen. I am blessed to have a husband who is very supportive and 2 daughters who worry about me - I just wish I had the motivation and willpower to stick with losing weight, making better food choices and exercising. I do really good for a while - they miss a day then two which turns into three and so on. I know when I'm on SparkPeople daily logging my food and blood sugars, reading articles, etc - I do a lot better. I NEED to stick with it and not fall off the wagon.
I work for my doctor who is AWESOME! He is very supportive. I am extremely blessed to work for him! I have my annual physical coming up in about 2 weeks and I've been doing research on insulin pumps. Talking with a few people who have them and they tell me they will never go back to the multiple daily injections. Being the control freak that I am - it's very hard to ask for help - I feel like I've failed, but I'm going to "suck it up" and ask for the insulin pump at my appointment. If I can get control of my diabetes then hopefully the weight loss will fall in place.
Starting tonight, I'm going to begin cooking meals again instead of being lazy eating out or using the "pop it in the microwave" cooking. I really enjoy cooking and trying new recipes - so I need to get off the couch and get back to cooking healthy meals. Roger will eat anything I cook - he's not the picky eater than I am. I am going to make Homemade Pizza - a meal I haven't made in an extremely long time because I was too lazy to cut up the veggies, meats, mix up the sauce and pizza dough.
I forgot how calming it is to blog just typing randem thoughts - putting into writing what I'm feeling inside. It's frustrating when I verbalize how I'm feeling - my family thinks I need to have my depression medication increased. It's times like this I really miss my Dad. I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge, but listen. - then tell me to give it a few days and I may feel differently. Rog wants to fix it when I just need someone to listen. After verbalizing the feeling, I do start feeling better and can look at differently.
Well, since it is almost 2am, I should try to get some sleep before Jackie Lynn brings Ryder around 7am.