25,000-29,999 SparkPoints 29,485

Still Struggling

Sunday, October 13, 2013

The other day I had to make a very hard decision and it has left me very depressed. My sister's husband has been a jerk to me since they got married, but lately his drinking and moronic behavior has gotten much worse, and he has finally crossed the line. Friday night I went out to dinner with them, and he was drunk as usual, and he started berating me, calling me "the WORST person", the meanest Aunt, saying I was scaring the kids by answering their questions about Frankenstein... He actually slapped my butt in the parking lot saying I needed a spanking. And it wasn't playfully. This follows an incident a few weeks ago where someone from the restaurant called the police on him for spanking my nephew, and he almost got arrested. Made for a lovely dinner, as you can imagine.

I just can't take it anymore. I love those kids to death, but I cannot stand their father. He is a drunken idiot. There, I said it.

So, I have decided to remove myself from the situation and no longer babysit for them or visit, unless he is not going to be there. I am also removing myself from the kid's Halloween party I had planned. This is very, very sad for me, but I feel I have to make a stand. My sister has got to do something about her situation... and I can't make her.

It has left me very depressed. The highlight of my week was babysitting and interacting with the kids. But life is too short to put up with this crap.

SO....yeah, I have been eating too much and I laid on the couch all day yesterday and most of today. I am supposed to be starting a challenge as of last Saturday and I am finding it hard to get enthusiastic about it.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LINDA!
    I would agree that you should remove yourself from the situation. This is going to continue every time you see him. I can only imagine that you have discussed this with your sister. Now the matter is in her hands. emoticon
    1712 days ago
    Alcohol ruins people and lives- ask me how I know. You are taking care of yourself and that is good. It is better to have clear boundaries. I hope things improve for you. I'll say a prayer for you and your family.
    1712 days ago
    OMG!! He sounds bizarre. A grown man swatting his SIL on the backside???? I'm not sure what is up with him but this sounds too weird. He needs counseling. There are plenty of children who would benefit from some positive attention. Maybe you could become a Big Sister. Take care of yourself. emoticon
    1712 days ago
    1712 days ago
  • TREV1964
    This is a pretty rough situation to be in. All you can do is be there as much as you can for your sister and your nieces and nephews.

    As for helping them it is a very difficult thing to do as things stand all you can do is be there for them and help your sister once she admits to herself that she needs the help.

    At least you are dining with them in public places so some of his behavior would probably be curbed.

    I have worked playing pianos in pubs where I encounter many drunk people and one of the very few things they all seem to have in common is that they never ever see themselves as having a problem.

    Just be there for your sister when she finally manages to see for herself the help that she needs and make sure the children are safe.

    If I am in a position to help out in any way you know where I am - even if it is just me being a post you can sound off at. I am thinking of you and hope things improve for the future.


    1712 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Stuffing your feelings down inside you with food is not going to fix the situation or make you feel better. Please do not punish yourself for something you did not do and are not responsible for!

    You gotta do what you gotta do to care for yourself. And the only one you're in control of is you. It's very difficult to be in a situation like this and extra hard because your feelings are raw.
    You want the best for your sister and try to do everything in your power to provide it, but ultimately it is not in your control, it is in someone else's.

    Am also experiencing a similar situation and I sympathize with you.
    1712 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/14/2013 7:15:25 AM
    I am sorry you have to go through that. I had to do the same thing two years ago when my sister was with a drunken drug head idiot. :( I know its hard, but hopefully things will get better. It took my sister a year of not seeing me and my kids and me not seeing her for her to finally realize that she was losing everyone due to staying with such a mean and poor excuse for a human. emoticon
    1712 days ago
    I am sorry to hear what's going on with you and your sis's has and and all the out come. Sometime life really does not gives you a many choice. But I think you did right things for now to not get heart any farther. It's really not worth it to go thru stuff with always feeling hearts. I hope he is treating your sister with respect and love that he has not showing to you. I hope things get better some how. Sending you and your sister positive energy and prayers.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
  • DELIA38961
    so sorry you are going through this but I understand that you need to remove yourself ...keep your head up itll get better emoticon
    1713 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I know it's hard to really get this, and I know you know it, but I'll just say it again: it absolutely doesn't help anything to eat in response to this stressor, and you absolutely don't have to eat just because you have the urge to. It's an old, old habit, very strong, but you can overcome those urges. Our human ability to make decisions that override our urges is also very strong. Please give yourself a chance to experience getting through this eating proper meals and holding tight when it's not time to eat. You can lie around without eating. I've done it countless times!

    In the mean time, I hope there is a way for you to around the children without having to out up with your brother-in-law. It sounds like they can use all the loving support they can get.
    1713 days ago
    So sorry you are being put in this situation, but trust me, you are not alone. I was in a very similar situation with my brother and my sister-in-law. A therapist who I really respect told me that it is necessary in a toxic situation like this to set boundaries and to let the other person know what they are. I would definitely make a point of letting your sister know that you would love to see her and the kids and they are welcome to come to your home without him. Or, if he is only a jerk when he is drinking, let them know that you are happy to get together as long as he is not drinking. The most important thing is to STICK TO what you say. If he starts drinking, leave. They'll get the idea. Maybe your sister will learn from your example and get some backbone. If you believe the kids are being hurt by him, either verbally or physically, do not hesitate to call the police. Most importantly, don't beat yourself up. You are doing the right thing. Take care of yourself! You are worth it.
    1713 days ago
    Wow! This is a tough situation. It is good to remove yourself. However I wonder if he is abusing your sister and children? Will pray for you and them. Blessings...
    1713 days ago
    I'm so sorry that you're going through something so tough. I'll be praying for you! If you need more support or someone to vent to please don't hesitate to get in touch with me. You are absolutely doing the right thing. If someone would assault you, which is what he did in "spanking" you, it could go a lot farther. You don't deserve that at all! I hope that all will work out for the best for all of you!
    1713 days ago
    emoticon I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I think you should have a talk with your sister and just let her know what you're feeling. This man's behavior sounds WAY over the top and even if she's willing to put up with it -- you don't have to! Good for you for standing up for yourself here!

    Now speaking of you -- do not let this emotional pain and this jerky brother-in-law set yourself back. If you are eating and laying around -- you are not only going to gain weight, but you are going to lose self-esteem! Please, please look after yourself better. BIL is not worth it in the least, but YOU ARE!

    Please look after my feline friend! I'll help you any way I can!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
    I think taking a step back is although hard the right path to take, I would also talk to your sister and let you know how you feel
    1713 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.