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What's Up With Miss B? - Week 134

Friday, October 11, 2013

5th weekend of shows, 5 performances left.

My back to 200lbs Challenge is no longer on. I cannot do it anymore and have simply given up. Perhaps it's not in my cards to have a 1 in front of my weight anymore. It sucks and as a result of my disappointment I have stayed away from Spark. I know I shouldn't, but at this point I can't handle the disappointment and embarrassment. Plus, I'm sure that my negativity isn't helping any of my SparkBuddies.

Nutrition = I have been keeping up my freggie intake, but my late night eating has been disastrous and downright scary. Cake, ice cream, additional meals. It's almost as if I'm back to being 285, as if all of the growing I strived to do last year did nothing to curb my old habits and coping mechanisms.

Water Intake = Excellent.

Exercise = None. Me = LAZY.

Clothing Fit, Inches Lost = Some items are getting snug, some aren't. Annoying, but to be expected.

Stress Level/Exhaustion = I'm at my breaking point.


1). I got a lovely compliment from a co-worker who has been keeping an eye on my progress. "You look great!"

2). My new shrink complemented me on confronting my Dad about his physical abuse. That made me feel good.

What I'm Grateful For:

Second chances.

Have a great weekend SparkBuddies and thanks for listening.

Romans 8: 7 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BINGO24
    Second chances is what it is all about. It does not matter how many of them you need. They are always there as opportunities. Do not be so hard on yourself. Remember how far you have come and how much healthier you are. That is the real goal...good health. You went from scary bad health to good health, so keep that as your real goal. The numbers are just gravy. And remember that your Spark Buddies are here for you when things look a little dark. emoticon emoticon emoticon , Nancy
    1651 days ago
    Don't give up! Try to plan better for your midnight binges and maybe another way to deal with stress (workouts work!) Good luck, keep your chin up, and hope the rest of your performances go great!
    1652 days ago
    Don't give up. Just don't give up.
    1652 days ago
    You owe it to yourself to be healthy. I know that is super hard but being healthy does not have to be an all or nothing type of thing. Don't worry about being a certain number right now. Right now you should ensure that your medication is at the correct dose for your current needs and that you are working on the assignments that your therapist is giving you. I would also remind yourself of what it was like to be MissB at 285 lbs. Never having to feel that way again is worth giving up a few extra snacks or desert. Once again, that is easier said than done. I have resorted to putting signs around my kitchen. On my fridge I have two signs. One reads: Before you eat, DRINK." That reminds me to drink 8 oz of water before I have a meal or begin snacking and it helps curb the mindless munchies while I am preparing dinner. I also have a sign that reads: CHOICES - You have one. That is a reminder to me that food doesn't just HAPPEN. I have to consciously decide to grab it out of the fridge or pantry and put it into my mouth. Life isn't something that happens to us, it is a series of events that often times are predicated by our own actions. I also post my goal weight on my microwave and my caloric burn goal on the microwave as well.

    I know you have it in you to do this. You have proven over these past two years that you are stronger than what anyone, including yourself, gives you credit for. Don't throw that all away.
    1652 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Don't give up! You've done it before, therefore, you can do it again! emoticon
    1652 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I believe the words give and up in the same sentence were what MissBB told me were not possible..

    now, never mind the numbers for the long run.. how about eliminating ONE thing from the foods you ate.. drink a large glass of water instead of that fourth cookie.. or actually place an apple next to a piece of cake.. smile at MissBB and flip off the inner demons that say it is okay to take what you did before,, flip them off and take that apple, toss the cake in the freezer.
    MissBB I know has it in her to do this,,try it once.. Then smile at yourself dear...
    1652 days ago
    ((((HUGS)))) Hang in there. Never give up hope. Maybe it won't happen right now, but just keep one foot in front of the other. We can only do our best and make the decision that each day will be better than the one before.

    Personally it seems like you are dealing with lots of emotional things and that is so important to work on. And sometimes that takes the front seat to other things we want to accomplish . . . but down the road it will be a key to success!

    1653 days ago
    Don't give up Sweetie. You did it once, you can do it again. Success isn't a straight line of constant winning.
    I would say to focus on your happiness right now. You said that you're fighting major depression which isn't going to get any better if you keep beating yourself up. Conquering the depression demon might help curb the extra eating.
    You know what to do. You know who you are and, most importantly, you know WHOSE you are.
    And, we're here for you! emoticon
    1653 days ago
    don't give up....just hold your own and watch what you eat.
    You are putting in a lot of hours right now...
    focus on making good choices and take the better options.
    Have a good weekend. emoticon
    1653 days ago
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