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I am an ostrich....

Thursday, October 10, 2013

With my head in the sand.......

I have seen the decline of my mother due to dementia. I have denied it, talked myself out of it, convinced myself she wasn't getting worse.

Yet the past week cruel reality has slapped me in the face. My mother has a disease that is getting worse. It is cruel, mean, nasty, EVIL. It takes her laugh, her brightness, her pride and leaves only despair, confusion, fear.

I have been slow to respond and that makes it worse. I am just now springing to action and praying that I can find a suitable place for my mother...... the dreaded nursing home. The place that I promised my mother that I would never put her. I talked yesterday to a care manager and got a list of nursing homes in our area with dementia units. She also told me what I need to do. Yesterday I was so wrung out that I couldn't function. I didn't do anything. I had called a few places the day before. The waiting list is unknown, as they never know when a bed will be available. What if she doesn't get placed for another year? What then? I know that all close to me will say and do, don't worry about that now.

So I go on, trying to make her comfortable and feeling safe and reassured. Then I go home and cry and feel like getting sick. This morning we both had a cry. The poor thing was so confused that I hugged her and cried with her.

I think there will be plenty of tears in our future. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have kept this up on my computer for days not, not sure how to comment. I am a bit speechless. I can only imagine how horribly difficult this must be. I recall when my grandmother had dementia. You must somehow take care of you too. I wish there was something I could do.

    Hugs to you. I am thinking of you and wishing you peace.
    1711 days ago
  • KARA151
    my mom would visit her aunt who had dementia and would always tell her stories of the great woman she was and all the fun she had in her life. Aunt Ronnie would light up. My mom would tell the same stories over but it didn't matter.
    1713 days ago
    I'm so very, very sorry for what you are going through now, Diane.

    My daughter told me that she would never put in a nursing home. I told her, never say never. I would understand.

    Maybe a homegiver for now to help with your mom for now?


    1715 days ago
  • GLMOM2

    I can't begin to imagine what you are going through.

    Thoughts & prayers to you and your mom.
    1717 days ago
  • RUTHE_51
    Diane, I am sorry. My dad had a day of confusion many years ago and that was due to the need for a medication adjustment. However, that one day was so hard for me - I cannot imagine it on a daily basis as what you are experiencing. I think of you often and pray for you and your Mom. I hope you are able to find a place that really cares about your Mom!

    1717 days ago

    PRAYING first of all for YOUR SANITY as you go through this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! PRAYING that God will find the right place for your Mom too

    Sending you much love and hugs

    CALL ME if you need me!!
    1717 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon


    I totally understand the ostrich approach. It can even has its place sometimes. I know you have your mother's best interests in mind, and there comes a time (with dementia especially) that home care is just not an option.

    For sure, there will be more tears in your future; that is only natural. But, you are a good daughter and are looking out for your Mom's well-being. You should feel good about that!

    Wishing you all the best in finding the right place for her soon. If I could help, I truly would.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1717 days ago
  • _VALEO_
    Diana, you've been giving the best care you can to your mom.
    This is totally normal that you couldn't envision your mom in a nursing house a single minute--especially as she asked you not to place her in that kind of institution.
    No one can consider this option with equanimity for any of their parents, and we usually think of it at the last stage or resort, when there is no other possible solution.
    Even if this illness can take the best of her, I am sure that during her moments of lucidity, she can see the loving daughter that you are.

    Good luck with the waiting list! I hope you can find a place that suits you and your Mom, and this is not going to be a financial burden for your family.

    If you want to cry on my shoulder, you know that you can reach me on Skype.


    1717 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/10/2013 1:38:29 PM
    You are going through a hard time right now. It is not easy. Just take it one step at a time. God will give you the strength, wisdom and guidance you need. Prayers for you and you Mom. Blessings.... emoticon
    1718 days ago
    I hate dementia. There is absolutely no doubt it is a horrible disease particularly as it progresses. It robbed my father of everything in the end.

    I hope you are able to find a place quickly for your mom. Those are all very tough decisions and lots of tears are in order. You are clearly doing the best you can for her. It's a 24/7 round the clock job as the disease gets worse and oftentimes it requires more than one caregiver at a time as the person becomes more disabled and needs assistance just getting out of bed and into a wheelchair.

    Diane, my heart goes out to you in this tough, tough situation.

    1718 days ago
    I am so sorry.I can`t imagine dealing with this.My parents didn't develop dementia.
    My mom `s diabetes crippled her and my dad`s heart disease took him.
    I hope you find a good ,caring facility for her.
    I worked in a retirement center and it was a nice one.The staff really cared about the people.

    1718 days ago
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