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Eating Instead of Feeling

Saturday, October 05, 2013

As many of you know I struggle and have been battling Binge Eating Disorder for years now. I had been doing pretty good, but the last 2 nights I have felt a sort of uncomfortable feeling...not even sure what feeling it is. I just know that instead of thinking it through and allowing myself to feel the feelings I have been stuffing myself with food. Very unhealthy to say the least.

I am not sure what I am upset about other than the break up with my boyfriend of 10 months. I just haven't grieved the loss. We have remained friends and so I live in a sort of denial if that makes any sense at all. Inside I know I am sad, but I just can't seem to feel the feelings. I avoid them. Sometimes I think I withhold the feelings because I am afraid to feel. I used to have victory over self injuring and recently when my emotions were way out of whack and were very painful I indulged in old pattern of behavior. I am so let down and afraid of it happening again. It really scared me as I haven't allowed my feelings to have that much control over me in such a long time.

I can't keep stuffing my face with junk and numbing out the pain. I just don't know what to do with the pain.

I found this on pinterest and I liked it. Maybe it will help others; some of you who can relate to the binge eating cycle. We can break free. It's just a process.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KAREN91
    I have problems with binging on food too! I don't have any answers but I think writing a blog about it and facing the problem like you already have is a good start. emoticon emoticon
    1655 days ago
    emoticon I don't think we can expect to 'get over' binge eating. You are going through a hard time, it is expected emotions are bubbling underneath and it is hard to let those emotions fully be. Can you talk to a therapist? That may be helpful. Also, I find personally, writing down what I think and feel to be helpful. Also, doing something creative to release those feelings can be good too: draw, paint, listen to music, play an instrument, whatever you want.
    Thinking of you Cynthia.
    You're strong.
    1658 days ago
  • PGHP31CK
    You are right -- overcoming this is a process. You recognize that it's happening -- that's good! Forgiving yourself is key. It's also good that you're blogging, which is a way to process your emotions in writing. Keeping a journal can help, too. Sometimes you just need a safe place to process it all, and paper (whether real or virtual) can be a great place to pour it out.

    I'm an expert emotion-stuffer. Been doing it for most of my life, along with battling my weight. I'm working hard to become an emotion-expresser.

    Praying for you!

    1658 days ago
    I think an important part of the process is to forgive ourselves for our weekness. Pain is hard. Hugs to you.
    1659 days ago
    At least you know why you binge...I've had DAYS of binging on sweets and I don't know why.
    1659 days ago
    I hope you manage to gain control of the binge eating and also able to deal with the negative feelings.
    1660 days ago
    It took me a long time to let myself feel. It will take time to heal from a breakup. Don't be hard on yourself.

    1660 days ago
    I remember distinctly when I realized that I had a binge eating disorder: I was a recent college grad, and although I didn't live with my parents, I visited often out of boredom (read: no boyfriend, boring job, etc.) My little sister had recently gotten married and a bunch of her reception dessert leftovers were housed in my parents freezer. I would routinely find myself gorging on four month old mini brownie and cheesecakes. I didn't feel specifically depressed, just generally, and all of a sudden it hit me: oh my gosh, what a metaphor- my little sister has moved on to the life I want (husband/real job) and I am sitting here literally eating her leftovers!!! I am mourning my life by binging instead of doing something to change it!
    Now, years later, I still binge. It's nearly always having to do with HALT, but sometimes even happy stress can make me binge. BUT! I don't let it overwhelm or overtake my life in the way it did years ago- I have a binge, feel a bit crap about myself for an hour, a day and move on!
    1660 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1660 days ago
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