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Comfort Food

Thursday, October 03, 2013

I have been mourning the death of my marriage for some time and just dreading moving into the future.

Today is a particulalry bad day. What was once a bautiful marriage has turned into a story so sad that I wish to wrap my head around it's blighted emptiness so that my own brain falls into that hollowness and fails to think of it again. I am drowning in my own recollections of joy lost. Imagined and real.

I guess this is what mourning is about. At least I acknowledge the end of an era. And i think about food and how it can fill this emptiness and fill it and fill it till my sides hurt and I fall asleep. But i know this thinking is flawed as for the past few months I have eaten myself into many food enduced comas and the fullness is fleeting. That food will not fill me today, nor has it ever. Rather it built up this thick layer of fatness to push others away from me because life has become ugly and I would rather eat than live such sadness.

I know the wanting of food to fill me and comfort me will pass. I know this sorrow will pass. The only thing that will be left is me, and I aim to love her and care for her. And I'm not so bad. Nope. Not so bad.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I just wanted to thank you for your encouraging words and gestures. From darkness there is light.

    2581 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13955287
    2582 days ago
    emoticon Try to stay positive.
    2582 days ago
    There are many of us here in Sparkland who have been where you are. Trust us that it WILL pass and on the other side you can be a better, more understanding person. It really is up to you. Take your time to grieve, but do try to do it in a way that is not harmful to yourself and your health. When my marriage died, I was 6 month pregnant with a 7 y/o son and a 5 y/o daughter. I remained in grief for years. Maybe it could have passed sooner, I don't know. All I know now, with the gift of hindsight, is that good did come forth. I am stronger, I am self-confident, I am more giving, I take time to tell those I love that I am there for them on and on it goes. Know that we are here are you. {{HUGS}}
    2582 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13428142
    I understand your hurting. I know that sometimes food seems to be the best way to go. I have been there. I would like to suggest that you make a scrapbook of all your good memories. That may help. Then make one for all you see good in your future.
    2582 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14263834
    2582 days ago
    I share your pain - I know there is no solution but time and healing. I do believe you will survive and when you look back you may see this as a gift not a curse.

    Be gentle with yourself.
    2582 days ago
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