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wake up time for me.

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

I had lab work done last week and you know it isn't good when they call you to come in ASAP. The last time I got that call I was told had cancer. So needless to say I was anxious as I walked into the office today. I played every possible conversation with the doctor while setting in the little cubby hole called the exam room. I told my boss that my new doctor was overly worked up over nothing sense she was young and new, just being dramatic.
Well she came in and the relief on her face that I was setting there was clear. ( not often the doc hugs you) She set down in front of me and began to tell me I was sick and I was going to die or worse soon. Well I wondered what would be worse and she went on to explain that I was going to have a stroke soon if I did do something fast. You see my BP has been running about 189/104 up and down a couple points day to day. I made a off colored joke I am sure as I was now worried. She explained I needed surgery but they can not do it because I would die on the table. My heart was enlarged more and it was slowly shutting down, my pancreas was almost destroyed and my diabetes was out of control. I was now angry cause I have been working on my diet and I walk everyday. She was quick to tell me it wasn't my fault that my body just wasn't responding to normal cures. She told me I needed to change my life in every way starting now. She wanted me to take time off from work , I agreed to a week. She wanted me to start seeing a councilor to help me with my stress and I need to exercise more than I do. Then in three months she wants to do by pass surgery , not to lose weight she said but to bring all my numbers down to normal and to help my body heal its self. I was baulking at this until my heart doctor came in and he explained I will die unless we do this .
How can gastric by pass help my heart I asked seriously I mean isn't that a weight loss surgery. He said yes it is but it also helps with reversing heart disease and it will lower my blood pressure , it will also help to heal my pancreas and bring my diabetes under complete control. My doctors know I have worked to lose weight and to help heal my body for last 7 years. No matter what I have don it has fallen short . So I stopped trying this last few months and explained that to them both. I know this is my fault , I know my past addictions have done this to my body ,so I am not upset with anyone but me right now. I am still not sure about this surgery people I know who have done it have been real sick and had complications afterwards. I don't want to go though all that. I want to take these next three months and work harder to see if I can do this naturally through diet and exercise. I guess I need to become addicted to exercise and pursue it with the same passion I did my drug of choice. I know I need help I know I can not do it alone and I know this is my last chance to get this. I know I do not want to be in a wheel chair, I know I do not want to be dependent on others for my day to day care and I know I do not want to die ..yet.
I am going to chart my progress on here with food and exercise tracker . I am going to blog my feelings and experiences as I go. I will read and talk to as many of you as I can. Time for me to woman up and do this right now and do it right. Thank You for being here to listen to me and please any and all feed back is welcome and wanted.
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