The "L" Word
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
"Do you think you’re busy enough?”
Nothing sends you into quite the layoff panic mode like being asked this question by your boss’s boss. I tried a few different strategies to avoid running to sugar for comfort, but nothing worked this time for me and I found solace in Rice Krispie treats left over from an office party earlier in the day.
I guess I’m not proving my value at work to the new Vice President.
It was asked in a friendly enough way… but even the VP herself, while thinking out loud, suggested she probably shouldn’t be asking me that. But now that it’s out there, I get to look forward to going into work everyday and fighting to keep my job. How are you even supposed to answer that question?
I should point out that I’m at the 8 month mark in my current job. It was around this time during my last two jobs that my anxiety really picked up and I started scouring the job boards for something new. I wasn’t necessarily planning on doing that this time around, but unless I can get a grip on managing my anxiety around this and NOT think each day might be the day the pink slip comes, I’m not sure what else to do.
After binging and a subsequent sugar crash, I lost all motivation to get my evening run in today – not a good thing, as – ironically – I needed to work late last night to meet a project deadline and wasn’t able to run yesterday either. So that’s two skipped gym days – which isn’t going to help me achieve a sub 2:00:00 half-marathon next month. And it’s not like I can afford to slack – I looked up my 10k relay time with my husband and found we were at 1:01:00 ( wp.me/p1N36Q-jG
). To be fair, we don’t really know what our individual times were, so it’s quite possible I did a 25 minute 5k – but highly unlikely.
No exercise and poor eating certainly isn’t going to help me get through this. I have a personal training session tomorrow night, which forces me back into working out. And perhaps I can use what I’m feeling right now to fuel a new Binge Free/Wheat Free streak tomorrow – that what I eat will strengthen me for the days to come. Still, it’s frustrating to think it’s October and I feel like I’m exactly where I was at in January – just not in a very healthy state physically or mentally.