1. To not feel like the fat friend anymore

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

I always, always, ALWAYS feel like the fat one in my group. Throughout school, through university, with the friends I work with, and my group of friends I now hang out with. I have always felt (and always been) the biggest one in the group. And it's not even like I have super skinny friends. They are just all pretty much in the normal-to-slightly-overweight weight group.

One of the most hurtful times I can think of which happened recently was when I went on a 2-day spa weekend with my 2 best girlfriends, LL and LB. It was beautiful and so relaxing. However whilst they were posing in the mirror in their bikinis taking pictures and dancing around, I was wrapped up in my towel feeling self-conscious and not getting involved in the picture-fun. I felt left out. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I didn’t want to get into the Jacuzzi or in the sauna because then I would have to lose the towel and they would be looking at me. I felt horrible.

I don’t want to feel like that again. We (me, LL and LB) were talking about going abroad together at the end of November for mine and LL's birthdays, just a week away to somewhere like Spain or Portugal. I am determined not to feel like the big fat friend anymore. I don't want to let this weight ruin my experiences with my friends anymore.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I must say that even though I am kind of the in-between gal, average and overweight, yet still feel uncomfortable at times in these situations. Also, even when I WAS thin and at the height of an eating disorder, I felt this way or even worse. I think it is a skill that requires practice rather than a perfect weight. The beautiful thing is you can practice holding your head high and remaining joyful in the moment within the safe surroundings of friends that believe and know your beauty...all of it:)
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    2663 days ago
    I know what you mean about being the fat girl. My husband's friends' wives are small and petite so height-wise alone, I am taller than them. Then, when you count in the fat, I feel like a giant in a picture with them. So, I can completely relate.

    I've lost some weight already but still have ways to go. Unfortunately, I inherited my mom's hips so that part is a struggle.

    I agree with you that THAT fat feeling is not at all fun! I am sure you can meet your goals!
    2670 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3248497
    Ohhhhh No!!! I wish you would of messages me!! I've been home you could of called (with a calling card if course) or we could of FaceTime internationally!! emoticon Big Hugs!! I know how it feels! I've felt that way before & now with my post preggo body! You are gorgeous!! Just with a little extra to love!!!! Keep working hard & I hope you find comfort whatever size you are!
    2670 days ago
    I get it, that you need to feel good about yourself and you don't want to let the towel down because you think your friends are skinnier and that they will judge you, but do you know what?... I just looked at your photos and I think you look fantastic!! You certainly don't look like "the fat friend" to me... no-one meeting you or looking at you is going to think of you as "the fat girl". All anyone is going to see is how beautiful you are. You have to know that, right? Maybe not... I know how it is to see only the negative in myself. It's so easy to tell other people that they are beautiful but not to see it in ourselves. As others have said, we must love ourselves as we are. We can strive to improve ourselves, but we also need to focus on all the positives about ourselves. You have achieved so much already and are an inspiration and constant motivation to others (myself included.) So, take that on board and be proud of your achievements. Your friends love you for who you are, and your spark friends also love you for who you are helping us to become! Be happy. You are beautiful, inside and out. x x
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    2670 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4199227
    I'm sure your friends care for you no matter what. .... You have taken that on yourself. ....

    Enjoy your holiday and ya it's ok to be a little tough on yourself now and then if it's going to help you get healthier.

    2670 days ago
  • HFAYE81
    I very much doubt your friends would ever think of you this way!!! emoticon
    2670 days ago
    You know, when I think about my friends, it isn't about how they look--who has a big butt, who has a great smile, so-and-so's stretch marks--it's about how awesome they are and how happy I am to spend time with them. And I would bet that your friends feel the same way too. No one is looking at you in a swimsuit, because every other woman there is busy thinking about how they look terrible in their own swimsuit.

    2670 days ago
    I agree with AEGISHOT. Love yourself now! :o) You are beautiful. You are more than a "body". I bet your precious friends aren't in near as good of shape as you are! I've been ashamed of my body for years only to realize our hearts are more important! emoticon emoticon
    2671 days ago
    I always try to love my body at any weight as SP always preach. I only get ashamed of my body when I leave a stage not while am there, lol. Like before now, I always love what ave got but now that am leaner, I feel so embarrassed comparing pictures. I still wondered how I always pull through those times and what people around me were thinking.

    I will look out for the rest of your blogs this month.
    2671 days ago
  • MUFFIY831
    I know how you feel! However, in the easier-said-than-done category, remember they are your FRIENDS and they love you, lumps, bumps, and all. Don't let self-perceived flaws stop you from having fun. ENJOY IT!
    2671 days ago
    I know how you feel. Keep pushing and working towards your goals. You can do this!
    2671 days ago
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