Monday, September 30, 2013
Thank you all for the kind and very much appreciated consoling messages about my last blog. They most truly meant a lot to me and I will respond to each one.
You must be thinking I am very inconsiderate because of my paltry responses and I do not mean to be.
I have been overwhelmed with too much work and really none of it can be skipped or ignored or taken lightly.
Biting off more than I can chew has been a perennial problem in my life. And has led to obesity! In the past ten days or so I have noticed that with a full-time job and with a small BLC leadership role, I have neglected my own exercise. I am doing some exercise but not as much as I would like. I know that exercise is there and I know that I want to do it, but I think that everything worth doing is worth doing well and I cannot cut corners. So you, my blog readers, are the corners I have cut although you are closest to my heart.
So recently I found out that a group of people were judging me rather harshly for something I wrote in a most jovial mood on a Spark Blog a long time ago but none of them came forward to ask for clarification or to confront me about their feelings. And that experience has made me cry a lot and lose sleep but it's also made me determined to somehow "prove" my credentials as a nice person. And yet really, who is the "mean girl" in this picture?
Why cannot I transcend the judgment of others? Why do I want to be taken seriously as a legitimate person? Is it a good or a bad sign that instead of mildly accepting the fact that these people have a right to condemn me and gossip about me, I want to judge them as being a bit intolerant and prissily judgemental? And why am I bending over backwards to please them? I guess it's the professional and courteous thing to do.
Why do I take on the harshness from some but am not moved by the praise I sometimes get from others?
Clearly I need to work not merely on diet and exercise and time management but on all of those ego wounds slowly seeping nastiness into my limited self-esteem.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Natalie, I believe that if you put yourself out in the public, as you do in teaching and on Spark People, it is impossible to expect 100% of people to like you 100% of the time.
If a U.S. politician has a 50% Approval Rating, it is considered good. If 1/2 of the people like and support you, you are doing well.
1685 days ago
Comment edited on: 10/10/2013 7:40:52 AM
Others pettiness! And the hurt it causes .... I can't think what could be misinterpreted from your wonderful blogs! I have loved how your writing slowly reveals someone I know I would love to walk with...
1692 days ago
Natalie, Natalie...it has taken me a long time to "get this" but here is something to think about, "What I do and say is about me and what they say and do it about them"... and frankly it is none of your business how thy feel about you and it is none of their business how you feel about them. This sounds abrupt but is truly a healthy standpoint. Personally, I've never felt any bit of harshness coming from any of your words so if someone could possibly interpret it that way, it means they have harshness in them. Someone just has to know you for a minute to know that you are one of the kindest people I have ever met.
Saying all this, I can completely understand why you want to "redeem" yourself. Yet that's a waste of time. Your readers want to read your blogs...when you have time of course. If you don't take care of yourself your blogs will become essays on how you fell off the wagon and have a hard time getting back on! I'd prefer to be inspired by your successes, thank you very much!
Love you Nat!~ Abby
1693 days ago
I think the teaching personality is very susceptible to perceived criticism and judgment because so much of our effectiveness depends on empathy between instructor and learners.
Part of the problem with emails and posts is that there is no clear tone and readers sometimes infer quite the wrong tone from the words on the screen. Sometimes I find myself using emoticons just to reinforce that I am/am not serious, making a joke/making a serious point!
I used to be a people-pleaser, and probably still am in some ways, but I try to remind myself of the old adage: you can please some of the people some of the time, but never all the people all the time. As Burke said, A pure democracy is the most evil thing in the world - and I think this applies at a personal as well as a political level. If we aim to please everyone, we compromise our moral and ethical compass.
You don't need me to tell you what an intelligent, compassionate, and giving person you are. Your post here say it all, as does your commitment to your teams. On the 5% challenge a while ago we had a discussion about how taking on team leadership seems to take its toll on our individual achievements. Just recently I've taken steps to reduce "non-productive" time on SP and to concentrate on what really matters - my team commitments and myself, and it seems to be working.
Do try to put these people who rush to judgment from your mind; are you willing to trust their opinions more than those above? Surely not! Take care, and try to get some rest - a good sleep does tend to push away cares!
1694 days ago
The internet is both a blessing and a curse; it is a lovely way to share with so many people, but since it is a virtual world, we cannot hear the tone of voice and see the facial expressions of those we are communicating with. It is so easy to misinterpret what we read, and also so easy to judge others, without taking the time to find out what their true intentions were.
I am much like you: I want to be approved by others, and am willing to bend over backwards to earn that approval. Sadly, this sometimes causes me to subsume my true nature and feelings under a veneer that seeks to please others. It is hard to let others just stew in their feelings and accept that sometimes they won't like us. That is a problem on their end, not ours. Easy to say, but not so easy to put into practice.
Now, go take care of yourself, and get that exercise in!
1694 days ago
The last two blogs show you to be a very genuine and very passionate person. Everybody reads blogs interpreting it in their unique ways if they like what you write they will read you on a regular basis, if they don't they won't. The way blogs are interpreted and the very way they are subjective by their nature makes them artistic. Any response shows your heart is in the right place.
I personally find your blogs warm, truthful emotional and very often enlightening so consequently I also find them compulsive reading too.
1695 days ago
What I do know is this: Only a truly nice person could write such a sweet, caring message on my Spark page. You made my day!
1695 days ago
I think you should:
1- get a voice activated typer you can use to read &Write for you while you exercise.
2- being one's own biggest stumbling block is something lots pf women suffer from.
Make a list of what you do best and habe it ready for any naysayers.
My mother was a real Dr. Too.
Have you read True North by Bill George, a good book.
1695 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.