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Hilarious parenting tweets

Monday, September 30, 2013

I don’t now why I even bother making my kid a bowl of cereal when I can just pour some milk directly on his pants. -Dad and Buried

There’s a fine line between wanting your kids to stay with you forever and wanting to sell them to the next gypsy carnival. -Darling Golightly

Give them an inch and they’ll whine and cry and break you down until you say FINE ONE MORE EPISODE just to quiet the sad sad operetta. -Ann Imig

My 2 year old has decided that she wants to dress herself today so I’ll have to cancel all of my appointments. -Brian Hope

Really hoping to win an Emmy for the performance I just gave pretending to like the cartoon face my 3 year old daughter drew on an egg. -Shane Nickerson

was gonna write a blog: 20 ways i freaked out on my kids’ 1st day at daycare. but i was so busy freaking out i forgot to write anything down. -Theresa D’Angelo

I know my boys are getting older because I no longer find myself rocking the grocery store shopping cart back and forth like a crazy person. -ReasonsMySonIsCrying

You know your kid is too attached to technology when she asks the Roomba how it likes her dress. -Jessica Valenti
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