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Vitality Challenge - Prompt 1

Sunday, September 29, 2013

The obvious area to focus on would be how I procrastinate about taking steps to lose weight & get healthy. I could also focus on my horrible housekeeping. I would like to do both but I'm supposed to focus on one. I desperately need to lose weight since I weigh 357 lbs...the last time I weighed myself. I'm hurting when standing, feet, ankles, knees, hips, back, shoulders and elbows hurt. I'm tired most of the time. I feel hopeless and helpless about losing weight but that in itself is so painful that I usually try not think of it. But I do! Everyday I think if I would start eating right today or next week or the beginning of the month I could lose X amount of weight by such & such date. I have to keep recalculating because I never get started. I used to mark this down on a calendar but I've quit doing that. I also used to buy books and magazines about diets and weight loss success stories....I also seldom do that anymore.

"What would it look like if you were able to overcome procrastination in this area? What are you hoping to get out of this challenge? By the end of the 15 days...where do you want to be?"

I'm such a procrastinator that I was supposed to start this challenge 9/16/13 & here I am on 9/27/13 just starting. Tonight I feel like I'm wasting time doing this. I know I need something to make me deal with this but as usual I would rather put it off until another day. I've gained a lot of weight over the years waiting until later to deal with it.

What it would look like if I were able to overcome procrastination in this area?

It would be both positive and negative. Positive because I would actually be moving forward in changing habits that keep me overweight and negate health. I would feel hopeful and be more excited about life. I now live in dread. I love sleeping because I don't have to be aware of anything while I'm sleeping. I don't worry about the future and how my bad eating habits, no exercise, what the stress of carrying all this weight is doing to my body. How not preparing nutritious meals is hurting my family. I don't have to worry while sleeping how bad my future is going to be. I'm 55 now. At 25, 30, 35, 40....I thought I have time to change....I'm still young. I'm getting older. The effects of poor eating habits...etc. is starting to catch up with me. Eating might be another type of sleeping. When I'm "feasting" I'm rather mellow. I honestly can feel myself relax as my stomach starts getting full. When I'm relaxed I don't feel so stressed and worried.

Now for the negative....if I try and fail, I fall deeper into hopelessness, despair. This is another thing that I don't think consciously about too often but the fear is there and IT IS SCARY! I hate feeling so hopeless and having to acknowledge that I'm a failure. I know I am failing by not doing anything but if I'm sleeping and eating a lot I'm not thinking about it as much. I'm still dreaming there will be a magical time when everything comes together for me and I give it a 100% and it works! I lose weight and that success starts changing other areas of my life. Ok, back to the question....What it would look like if I were able to overcome procrastination in this area? I would live in the moment and make decisions, one at a time about what I chose to eat and do. I think each decision I make that moves me toward a goal of getting healthier would make me feel better. The problem is it gets harder over time. I get tired of not eating to numb my feelings and having to try to be perfect. It seems like too much and I don't feel like I can do it after a while. Sorry to go back to the negative but that is the way it usually happens.

I'm hoping this challenge will help me to quit procrastinating. I usually plan and read and never do anything. I'm hoping with this challenge I start "doing" and quit waiting for another day. I'm hoping it motivates me to change! I just want to start....not be perfect...take it one day (hour) at a time and move forward. I want to not quit.

How I'm going to keep myself accountable? I suppose I'll start blogging often...everyday I don't know about, but often. I'll probably read other people's blogs - if I can find them and sometimes comment on them.

Well, off to bed. I'm already thinking this blog is probably full of errors and doesn't say exactly what I wanted it to say. Oh well....I'm also a perfectionist which is another reason I procrastinate. My Dad & Mom always said if you're going do something do it right the first time....good advise except for a perfectionist.

I had posted this on another blog site but hated the site so copied and pasted here. Editing it a little and am thinking of how I sound like a big loser. Probably shouldn't be so honest. I actually put my real weight on here. A little scary to do. Also, thinking maybe I should have chosen to focus on the decluttering instead of weight loss. Maybe no one else would understand this but they are related. Enough! I'm posting this now!

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    1697 days ago
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