Total burn out
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Ugh. So I am trying to get back into the swing after take 2-3 weeks off. I've been just burnt out. It all started when I was getting shin splints but a bunch of other life-related things cropped up. The dog pile of everything just got to me and *crash*. I needed a break from it all.
I still don't feel like writing much but I feel bad not checking in and offering an explanation when several people have been so very caring by not giving up on me and checking in on me. Thank you, friends. I appreciate you so much. I'm here, I'm sure I'll be back in full swing in a bit. I'm just down, a bit crispy, and feeling tired. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with everyone here. Social support is such a key thing here on Spark. I have received plenty of it so I feel bad that I haven't given in return.
Exercise has been zilch for the last week and had been scaled way down the previous 2 weeks---which has been furthering my funk. I have been eating more calories and sweets than I should too...of course that just darkens and enlarges the cloud. When you're irrational, it only is more difficult making good decisions. I haven't gone way off the deep end but I'll be straight up in admitting I haven't been logging calories because I KNOW I have been eating over my range the last couple of weeks. No one will ever convince me that exercise is not the best and most effective prescription for depression. After being off exercise, my blues have come back with a VENGEANCE!
My shin splint on my left leg that I mentioned before never went away and still remains. I got a wrap for it, which seemed to keep it from getting worse. I scaled down the running to only a mile run for a few times a week. It still didn't get better. Then I made the lethal mistake of buying arch supports. My thinking was that since I pronate, maybe a little extra support in my already motion control shoes might alleviate the splints. WRONG WRONG WRONG. What a mistake this was...who would know such a little thing would be so destructive?! I wore them to the y, took a zumba class, then tried running. I felt a little pain afterwards but the next day I was in incredible pain! I wrecked my knees, lower legs and feet on both sides from that mistake. It was horrible. I could barely walk. I have now been out of commission for a week and a half.
I laid off doing any further exercise once I wrecked myself and then yesterday was the first day I felt no pain anywhere so I decided to go swimming at the Y. I figured that was the best way to get some exercise in without stressing anything. Makes sense, right? Today I feel the pain in my left leg again!!! I can't believe it. I have a doc appt on the 8th and will definitely be mentioning this to her. This has gone on for far too long and I am through with self-diagnosis and treatment.
Anyway, that's what's been up. I'm trying to pull out of the fog. I noticed that it was about this long into my "journey" (Spark program) in 2011 when I fell off the wagon. I don't want to repeat that pattern and I am determined to keep going. I've come too far and I think part of my funk is knowing what I am losing out on my not being able to exercise. Must improve focus and determination. Can't give up now...especially with the dangerous holiday season approaching, haha!