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Total burn out

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Ugh. So I am trying to get back into the swing after take 2-3 weeks off. I've been just burnt out. It all started when I was getting shin splints but a bunch of other life-related things cropped up. The dog pile of everything just got to me and *crash*. I needed a break from it all.

I still don't feel like writing much but I feel bad not checking in and offering an explanation when several people have been so very caring by not giving up on me and checking in on me. Thank you, friends. I appreciate you so much. I'm here, I'm sure I'll be back in full swing in a bit. I'm just down, a bit crispy, and feeling tired. I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with everyone here. Social support is such a key thing here on Spark. I have received plenty of it so I feel bad that I haven't given in return.

Exercise has been zilch for the last week and had been scaled way down the previous 2 weeks---which has been furthering my funk. I have been eating more calories and sweets than I should too...of course that just darkens and enlarges the cloud. When you're irrational, it only is more difficult making good decisions. I haven't gone way off the deep end but I'll be straight up in admitting I haven't been logging calories because I KNOW I have been eating over my range the last couple of weeks. No one will ever convince me that exercise is not the best and most effective prescription for depression. After being off exercise, my blues have come back with a VENGEANCE!

My shin splint on my left leg that I mentioned before never went away and still remains. I got a wrap for it, which seemed to keep it from getting worse. I scaled down the running to only a mile run for a few times a week. It still didn't get better. Then I made the lethal mistake of buying arch supports. My thinking was that since I pronate, maybe a little extra support in my already motion control shoes might alleviate the splints. WRONG WRONG WRONG. What a mistake this was...who would know such a little thing would be so destructive?! I wore them to the y, took a zumba class, then tried running. I felt a little pain afterwards but the next day I was in incredible pain! I wrecked my knees, lower legs and feet on both sides from that mistake. It was horrible. I could barely walk. I have now been out of commission for a week and a half.

I laid off doing any further exercise once I wrecked myself and then yesterday was the first day I felt no pain anywhere so I decided to go swimming at the Y. I figured that was the best way to get some exercise in without stressing anything. Makes sense, right? Today I feel the pain in my left leg again!!! I can't believe it. I have a doc appt on the 8th and will definitely be mentioning this to her. This has gone on for far too long and I am through with self-diagnosis and treatment.

Anyway, that's what's been up. I'm trying to pull out of the fog. I noticed that it was about this long into my "journey" (Spark program) in 2011 when I fell off the wagon. I don't want to repeat that pattern and I am determined to keep going. I've come too far and I think part of my funk is knowing what I am losing out on my not being able to exercise. Must improve focus and determination. Can't give up now...especially with the dangerous holiday season approaching, haha!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SKATER787
    You didn't do anything wrong. We were given bad and wrong advice on how to lose body fat. See my blogs on the book TurboCharged for the right answer. Good luck.
    2032 days ago
  • SUMMER2203
    so sorry to hear that youre having a rough time...we all can completely understand where youre coming from!! stick with this, you are AMAZING and so inspirational, and a two week slump means nothin in the scheme of things!!!!
    2033 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2034 days ago
    Hey Mama!! Sometimes life gets in the way of life a little bit...lolol. So glad you made a reappearance. I've had some 'life' piling up on me too...lolol...but I love you and I am SOOOOO grateful for you, Holley!
    Thanks for coming back to us and being such a shining example of NEVER GIVE UP!!! ;-)
    YOU're da bomb, Mama!!!

    lovelovelove you, Girly!!
    2034 days ago
  • no profile photo SUEPERWOMAN

    You HAVE come too far to stop, now!
    I understand being burned out, but come and say hello anyway. I am finding that it makes a big difference for me, and I miss you when you're not here!!

    Love, Ginger
    2034 days ago
    I missed you girrrlll!!! emoticon How miserable! emoticon emoticon I would be in the same shape, if I knew that every time I exercise it hurts! emoticon I feel bad that I have been one of the pests bugging you. emoticon I know what it's like to have pain and not be able to exercise. emoticon
    I am criminal when it comes to avoiding giving up my exercise. emoticon If you take to the time to read the litany of surgeries you will see why. After my daughter was born with a complicated birth, I had to have surgery to put my pieces-parts back in place. emoticon I exercised as soon as I got home from the hospital by walking, then fast walking and by day 2-3 jogging. A year later I was skiing in Colorado and fractured my distal radius, so I had surgery with external fixation. This involves two major rods that went all the way through the forearm in front and back and 12 percutaneous pins. After just a few days of feeling really sad, I started walking on the treadmill then running. I then developed an MRSA infection with osteomyelitis, so I had to have 6 weeks of IV antiobiotics. That required an IV pic line, so the bandaging was not allowed to get wet. emoticon I kept on running and fast walking with the incline at 10 even as I had my IV infusing in the AM & PM. I survived this and then a short time later I had pain in my pelvic, so they did a hysterectomy. I kept on running and then I had abdominal problems so they did gall bladder surgery and I continued to run. I fell skiing in France and damaged two rotator cuff tendons so back to surgery. After a day or two of sadness I started fast walking on the treadmill and then developed another MRSA infection. This time I opted to go into the infectious disease clinic for IV antiobiotic infusing, so I could run every day. My running was improving every year and I was running 8 miles daily at an incline of 6-10 in 65-70 min. emoticon I did great for several years and then when I was tubing at the lake I damaged 3 rotator cuff tendons and ruptured my bicep tendon, so back to surgery. I kept up my exercise and this time they were wise to give me prophylactic antiobiotics before surgery. emoticon
    After many years of running and having lots of soft tissue injuries as well as all the surgery, I can fully appreciate your frustration. emoticon I am glad you have reached the point of fighting this issue and not letting it take you down. emoticon I must agree as a therapist your taking a break was the wisest decision. I am sorry you still have issues. emoticon I do feel that seeing a physician is the next best move. Keep your chin up and don't worry about blogging unless you want too! emoticon emoticon

    Love ya, Anna emoticon
    2034 days ago
    Has the foam roller helped at all? I wish you had an Airrosti provider near you because they could fix those splints in no time! And can tell you which kind of support you need (my feet roll out instead of in, which is unusual, and if I'd gotten the normal kind of supports, I would have broken an ankle). I'm sorry things have been so bad. :(

    Depression is such a finicky thing. If I start eating more sugar and less freggies, it hits me hard, and then it's difficult to eat more freggies because of the depression. Stupid cycle! I hope you can climb out of it quickly.
    2034 days ago
  • NHES220
    Sorry to hear you are struggling! I was wondering where you had gone and did check in on your page. If you have a local running store, you can check in with them, a guy I run with was using compression socks for his shin splints. Also, I have this trigger point therapy kit that I use, not sure if it would help for shin splints. Hang in there! Let me know if you need anything.
    2034 days ago
    I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now! I think that is part of all of our journeys though. I just went through a 3 month plateau, followed by a few "what's the point?" weeks where I gained 5 pounds! Then, I realized I do NOT want to go back, so I researched new plans to get me to my goal and started back last week. Now, the scale is finally moving again and I am ready to go! I think I just had to go through the funk first before I could get to this point.

    You WILL get through this. You may just have to reevaluate your exercise plan, so that you can continue without injuries. I am so proud of you for taking the first step by checking back in with us! You CAN do this, and I will be here cheering you on!
    emoticon emoticon
    2034 days ago
    It is hard to focus and look for alternatives when you are hurting. It is easier to self medicate with food. I know, because I have been doing it lately. But, keeping involved with each other and spark will help drag us in the direction we really want. We'll do this! I am looking at a spark team....taming your sweet tooth challenge. That may be my next step. What is yours? emoticon hugs, Laurel emoticon
    2034 days ago
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