more than just a number

One of my favorite things to do is workout.

As a kid I'd ride my bike for hours, exploring my neighborhood and beyond with my best friend Maggie by my side.

Exercise has been a major part of my life for a long time now. So much so that, at 25 years old, when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, the first thing I asked the neurologist was, "Can I still go to the gym?"

Thankfully the answer was yes. My MS is so mild that I rarely think about it and, knock wood, it never gets in the way of my daily routine.

So why is it that a reasonably healthy, reasonably intelligent, vegan who works out 5 days a week is having such a hard time losing the last 20 lbs?

Because I'm a life-long emotional eater.

Correction: I'm a life-long emotional OVER eater.

I don't super size it every time I hit the drive through. I don't drink barrels of soda even though I should be drinking water or skip breakfast and lunch and then stuff myself at dinner time.

My problem is that when things go wrong I have one go-to, one coping mechanism that I return to time and time again.

Food.

And I have to break this pattern because forget about the last 20 lbs, I've got a kid now.

A daughter.

Someone for whom I want to set a good example.

And I'm not doing that right now because even though she never sees me binge (I save THAT for when both she and daddy have gone to sleep) she won't be 4 forever.

Eventually I'm going to get caught.

I want to learn healthy eating and healthy stress management tools so that I can pass them onto my daughter.

And that's so much more important to me than reaching a number on the scale.