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A Picture CAN Say a 1000 Words

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Yesterday was and is one of those days i'd like to forget. Do you ever have that day where it seems like the entire universe is working against you? Where every time you take a step, you just know something went wrong. It's like a run away car going down a hill...regardless of how much you want and try to stop it, it won't stop until it has reached bottom. That was my day yesterday.

Yesterday I wish my life were a movie. It would be Ground Hogs Day. Why? So that i could do it over, and over until i got it right. I guess that wouldn't be humanly possible, but you get the picture. I would have said kinder words. I would have given out more hugs. I would have given a sympathetic arm squeeze to that person that just needed a human touch. Sometimes i get so wrapped up in my own downward spiral I forget that there are hundreds of spirals going on all around me.

Yesterday i felt as though i failed. What happens when I feel like a failure? I cry. And i cried. And i cried. Sometimes a REALLY good cry allows me take a few seconds and think about things with a clearer head.

I often feel like a failure, and I know it has a tremendous amount to do with my insecurities...remember, i'm working on that going forward. But i finally just sat there, you know after my face was numb from crying, and I said, yes I do speak out loud to myself sometimes, to myself that I have WAY too many victories to EVER be a failure.

I'm at a place in my life and I have done things in the last year i NEVER dreamed of doing.

Look...i'll take you through a picture show of my life...

Those two pictures above are of a woman that was so lonely she hated life. She hated how her life turned out that she did nothing but turn to food. There's not even a smile on her face. She couldn't see but two feet in front of her and what she saw was nothing but hopelessness. She didn't think she had a future.

The funny thing is, none of her friends would ever know that about her. For her friends she was always smiling. Always cheerful. Always supportive. She just didn't know how to be that for herself.

I was at Disney or Universal Studio's in the above picture. I'm a HUGE child at heart and loved going there whenever I got the chance. BUT my trips were always full of anxiety. Why? I so badly wanted to do the rides, but I knew i couldn't fit into most of the seats. Maybe i could have...I never even tried. I did not want the humiliation. I battled my own inner demons every day. I was my own worst enemy. I don't think three was a day that went by that my inner voice told me how awful of a person I was. Was it true? NO. But i didn't know it then.

Something happened...

Back around Thanksgiving of 2011 I decided i had enough.

You see, i'm that woman that cheers for everyone else. I love seeing people succeed and make proud moments for themselves. I can remember cheering on friends running half marathons and secretly crying because i wanted to know what it felt like to go across that threshold and feel proud about what was accomplished. Thanksgiving 2011 I secretly made a promise to myself that I WOULD make that moment happen for me.

But someone my size CANNOT just start off with a half marathon. So i took the steps needed to get there...

In 2012 I completed over 15 5ks...just because i could. And I found myself smiling more in secret. I was proud of my small accomplishments. I even made them more fun by dressing up. I mean, what good is a race without a little costume...

It's funny how doing something as simple as a 5k could spark so many new adventures. I was craving more. I started hiking. Who knew there was so much beautiful land to see?!

In 2013 I decided I was ready to step it up. I was ready to make some wishes come true. It was time to prove to myself that I could do it.

In February I completed my first competitive 10k. It felt so good to accomplish that task!

But i was after more. I now had this growing hunger of wanting more...doing more...being more...

It was finally time for my first half marathon in March of 2013...

Why stop there? My second half marathon was completed in May 2013...

I love these pictures. They are some of my favorite. Yes, even those first two pictures. Why?

They take me through a journey, a snap shot of my life. I was so miserable in my own skin I never allowed myself to have any fun. But do you see what i see? Look at how my smile has changed over the past year and a half!

There's something about finding your own strength through this journey that empowers you.

So am i a failure? i'm not.

I've gained my life back.

I'm doing more now then i ever thought i could do.

I'm an athlete in my own way. You don't have to be 125lbs and run everyday to be an athlete. You just need to pick up and go. It's a mind set. It's a way of being.

So while I allowed the day to get the best of me yesterday, I have my entire life to live and i plan to continue to live it to the fullest.

Just to see the difference a little time can make, here's a recent photo of me. could i ever be a failure when i've accomplished all of this? Sometimes just winning the battles over that wicked little voice from within is all the power you need.

Can a picture really say a 1000 words? I think mine just least to me they spoke volumes.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You look wonderful!! I can't believe the benefits of doing what we are doing! It is not just the weight loss it is all about taking back what we have lost!

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    2034 days ago
  • SUCCESSN2018
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    2035 days ago
  • -THINQ-
    absolutely FABULOUS, sparkie!
    i hope you won't mind if i 'friend' ya; we all need people like you to look up to!
    2036 days ago
    What a great blog! I am so glad you shared this. I am really glad you found that beautiful smile too!! Keep going girl!! You can do it!! emoticon emoticon Think PINK to shrink!!
    2036 days ago
    Nice blog and great progress! Don't stop!!! WOO HOO!

    2037 days ago
    Tears streaming down my cheeks. Bravo for facing and overcoming the demons. For being your OWN best advocate and emoticon Your journey of multitudes of steps has only just begun! Can't wait to hear what your next adventure is! emoticon emoticon
    2037 days ago
    Simply AWESOME!!!!
    2037 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    You are doing great! We all have those bad days every once in a while. I'm glad you decided to keep it moving! emoticon
    2037 days ago
  • LADYBUG1943
    Seeing your smile makes me wish you were my friend. You certainly have a sparkle in your eyes. Every one goes through bad days, but you clearly have the tools to weather through, to put your big rain boots on and just slog through the mud in your way.

    Big Way To Go for you!

    2037 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/26/2013 8:46:11 PM
  • TREE57

    You are my inspiration. You have tackled the demons and SURVIVED.
    You are an incredible athlete and are the epitome of this saying:

    Cowards NEVER start
    The Weak NEVER finish
    Winners NEVER Quit

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    2037 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/26/2013 7:30:00 PM
    Awesome, your transformation is amazing! emoticon
    2037 days ago
    Love This! Love to see those smiles!! emoticon emoticon
    2037 days ago
    Great blog entry - well done, you look fantastic. Great job. emoticon
    2037 days ago
    A failure is someone that doesn't even try. A failure is someone that gives up and never tries again. I think a failure is the last thing you are. You might have had a down day, you might have taken a step back, but you are here and working to get healthy. A success is not someone who is perfect. Every person that has had success knows that often their are awful days. Days so bad you cry and berate yourself. But a success knows you just pick yourself up and try try again. I think you look like a success. Look at all the progress you have made! Look at all the new things you can do that you couldn't do before you started. Focus on the positives, recharge and keep pushing. Because I know you are not a failure!
    2037 days ago
    Great Blog emoticon
    2037 days ago
    and they spoke volumns to me to love.especially the first two you know what i see in those first two photos vicky love? not the failure you see there i see a very brave and courageous women even if she seems a bit sad and lonely.brave and couragous enough not only to have her photo taken with little clothes on but to be brave enough to post out here in the open like you have.i know loads of people in a size 2 or 4 who havenĀ“t even the guts to do that.i see a person who has opened her eyes,made a discion and done what it takes to carry that desicion through.that person has something to be proud of like i am proud of her who you were and who you are now love.keep on keeping on you are doing a great job and you know what everyone has a bad day every now and one is perfect after all we are not god. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2037 days ago
    You are proof that what does kill us makes us stronger and you my dear are quite strong. Thank you for sharing you adventure with us. emoticon
    2037 days ago
    emoticon Excellent post!
    2037 days ago
    What a wonderful post!

    Thank you for sharing your progress! I am so glad you are doing for yourself what you were doing for others!

    Wishing you more and more joy in the days ahead!
    2037 days ago
    I LOVED reading your blog! You are an inspiration. Please keep up the great work and remember to keep loving yourself. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. emoticon
    2037 days ago
    This was very inspirational! I got a little teary reading it. Congratulations on all you've accomplished!
    2037 days ago
  • KIMMIG133
    emoticon REALLY good blog!!!
    2037 days ago
    You go girl!! Be proud. You have done what many wish they could. CONGRATULATIONS ON A JOB WELL DONE!!!!! emoticon
    2037 days ago
  • MURPHI13
    Great blog and you're absolutely right. You've accomplished so much and have even more to be proud of.

    Great job
    2037 days ago
    That was an AWESOME blog! It touched me and made me cry a little...I am so very proud of you! You have done so awesome!
    2037 days ago
  • ABAKER34
    What an awesome blog! Thanks for taking the time to put this together, this really shows in pictures what this has done to your self esteem and pride, your face alone is saying a million words! You have done an amazing job and should be so proud of yourself, and thanks for being such a big motivation for us all! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2037 days ago
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    2037 days ago
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