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Picture Meltdown...

Friday, September 20, 2013

Do you ever have one of those days where everything is going along quite smoothly and then BAM! Something knocks you on your behind in a split second. Well...that's how my Wednesday panned out.

Back in August I went on a Bachelorette girls weekend and everyone took photos. The maid of honor collected all of the pictures and gave each of us a flash drive with all the photos. Great, right? WRONG! So VERY, VERY wrong...

When you take a photo of yourself - even when you can point out all of the flaws - you try to ensure it is somewhat flattering. WELL...these pictures from the other ladies were NOT at all flattering...besides what we were actually doing, the many, many facial expressions and poses they caught me in where a bit disheartening. It crushed my heart actually...I thought i was further along but when i looked at those photos i was right back to square one... I actually ended up closing up and ignoring everybody that day. Why? Because everything would have been negative. I CAN say that back in the day i would have ordered a large jalapeño pizza and gone to town. Instead i went and walked 5 miles. I needed to breathe and regain my thoughts. Unfortunately i did have plans that night that i could not cancel, so i put on a brave face all while wishing i could just curl up in bed..

WOW that all sounded so sad...

Then yesterday happened...

My training schedule indicated that i needed to walk 6 miles. So i was up and at it at 4am. Midday a friend asked if i wanted to train with her. I said sure but i had to walk 6 miles. So we agreed to meet. i TOTALLY forgot that i had ALREADY walked my 6 miles. WELL!

We ended at 5.02 miles as it was getting pretty dark and our trails were through the trees. We snapped a photo and i had to keep starring at it.

Here's the thing...i have friends commenting on my weight loss all the time and i've always thanked them but yesterday i finally told my girlfriend that walked with me after she paid me a compliment that I don't see what others see. I don't see the changes. So she snapped a picture...

And i had to just stare at it for a while...and i choked up...Because that girl in the picture is NOT who i see everyday. That girl in the picture has thinner legs then i do. She has a smaller frame then i do...everything about the girl in the picture is better then what i see...

so while i've learned about eating better and about fitness...i've failed to see me. I've failed to see my strengths. I've always prided myself on NOT being a product of my environment (abusive parents, failed marriage, the list could go on). BUT...mentally and emotionally I am. And i need to work on that to continue to heal and grow stronger. AND maybe one day i'll see what others see...

Because that girl in the picture...i'd love to meet her one day...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My favorite part is where you FORGOT that you had already walked 6 miles! Ha, ha, ha! Do you know THAT girl?!??!!!
    Awesome work!
    2038 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    You're doing a great job! emoticon emoticon
    2039 days ago
    I struggle with this same thing all the time! It's so hard for me to accept compliments from others because I'm barely 11 pounds down so I don't feel any different. (hitting a roadblock hasn't helped) I think you look fabulous and will continue to look amazing if you keep doing what you're doing. You go girl for going so many miles!! And I do hope someday you look in the mirror and say "hello, beautiful!"
    2040 days ago
    I also have lived in denial about the truth of how I look to the world, and only by viewing randomly snapped pictures do I get hit with that hard truth. Let it not break us but register and direct us to where we want to go. However, sometimes the truth of the matter is a purely positive one, as yours is with your picture. A reality check that- yes! We are accomplishing great things with hard work.

    2040 days ago
    The picture looks great! I see a woman who is comfortable in her exercise clothes. Don't forget to use measurements of your fitness improvements. They show the true picture of health.
    2040 days ago
    OMG - I have tears in my eyes after reading your blog! I SO identify with you - both in the pictures you hated and in the one you love! I've been both places!!

    WHY do we see the beauty in others but not in ourselves? You ARE beautiful, you ARE strong, you CAN do anything you set your mind to! So next time you look in the mirror LOOK for this girl - she IS you!!

    emoticon Hugs, Marilyn
    2040 days ago
  • MALAMI518
    What an emotional post. That picture is fantastic, and you are beautiful!

    2040 days ago
    you will love rest asured about that.i have the opposite problem which is why it took me so long to do anything about my weight till it was fast too late.i never ever saw myself as fat even when i was i look back i see it but at the time i didn´t.sometimes it is strange how our minds trick us lol.keep on keeping on and you will get there in the end both inside and look great by the way and love the pink power. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2040 days ago
  • SARIC3
    What a wonderful blog and I'm glad you have a friend that is helping you to see you!
    2040 days ago
  • MIRAGE727
    Stay string, stay focused, and keep doing the right things! Embrace a healthy lifestyle, live it, and stay with short term goals! You WILL do this if you just keep going forward!
    All the best!
    2040 days ago
  • MURPHI13
    I often feel the same way as you. People are noticing my weight loss and yet I don't see it.

    I truly hope you get to meet her one day and feel the confidence inside that I see on the outside in the picture.
    2040 days ago
    Thanks for sharing .. U made me think long and hard about I'f I'm seeing myself for who I really am..Ty . U look great in ur pic :)
    2040 days ago
    You are doing amazing! Be kinder to yourself. This is a long hard road that many of us struggle with every day. I am like you and I bad mouth myself and I don't see changes and it really hurts my motivation...instead I've been trying to find ways I AM going up a flight of stairs isn't hard anymore or my legs feel stronger. You are an amazing person and you have lots of support right here on Spark and it looks like with friends as well. Keep got this!
    2040 days ago
  • KROLES55
    Beautiful post.. You are doing an amazing job!
    2040 days ago
    I love the part that you forgot you had walked earlier! Haha! That rocks! Absolutely fabulous! Let me guess that is a new first!

    You look great - and are clearly making progress!

    2040 days ago
  • THOMS1
    Mydear you are doing a great job! emoticon
    2040 days ago
    Vicky you are doing great! And I am so excited for you for your three day walk. That snd your weight loss so far is such an amazing accomplishment! You are Pink Viking strong!

    2040 days ago
    You look happy and healthy. It takes time for your mind to catch up with your progress. I'm just now feeling the way I look and I've been steadily losing for almost 4 years. Just keep sticking with it and eventually it all makes sense. You are doing great. emoticon
    2040 days ago
    You look great in this picture!

    Come on those other pics, are a reminder you are not at goal yet but look at all the progress you've made! Take this picture and put it next to a picture of when you started out. I bet you will find A HUGE difference.

    Be proud of the process, you've come so far and each day gets you closer to your goal:)
    2040 days ago
    Wow - awesome picture! You look great, and so happy.Focus on your progress - you have / are working so hard!! Enjoy!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2040 days ago
  • no profile photo EG8383
    you are rocking it chica and you need to take pride and joy in the hard work and success you've had. You look great and guess what that really is YOU! Love yourself and keep up the great work. I want to be dedicated like you! =) Happy Friday!!
    2040 days ago
    You look wonderfully happy and just plain wonderful! It's all a process. Remember to enjoy your journey!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2040 days ago
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