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No More Apologizing

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The past few weeks have been pretty rough. I made a REALLY big mistake at work that pretty much shattered my confidence in myself. I stopped meditating and really just let myself go altogether. This morning, my boss took me to coffee and we had a pretty candid talk about how my work has been suffering lately. She was kind and very loving, but also very stern. It was enough to shake me out of my depression and light a fire under me to re-claim my life. I have a lot of work to do to get back to where I once was. But I decided it's time to do a re-set on my life and focus on re-calibrating my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual life.

Physical - I NEED to start eating better and feeding my body with the correct nutrition. I also need to include exercise in my daily life, even if it's just a walk every day.

Mental - I need to forget the mistakes I've made and move forward with fresh confidence.

Emotional - I need to jump this enormous hurtle and forgive myself once and for all for the way I hurt my kids when I got a divorce. Then, I need to drop it and move forward. In addition, I need to see my therapist again. It's been a year since I last saw her and that is just too long.

Spiritually - I need to stop dancing around my beliefs and living in doubt and re-commit my heart to what I KNOW I believe. Thankfully, I have found a wonderful church where I can do this.

It's really very timely that I came across an article in the Huffington Post tonight called "23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing" by Emma Gray.


The article introduction:

"It is conventional wisdom that we’re our own worst enemies and despite the cliche, the idea rings true. We often drive ourselves insane striving for perfection in our experiences, relationships and selves, and honestly it just becomes exhausting. So here at HuffPost Women we’re issuing a challenge to ourselves -- and other women -- to stop doing these 23 things. (Of course it’s all easier said than done, but to employ another cliche, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.)"

I am so impressed by the down to earth and realistic tone of this article. And I thought, much like my happiness experiment, why not work on each of these 23 areas for a week and blog about my progress? That will bring me through the end of the year and into January 2014. I think this is great timing!

23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing

1. Apologizing all the time. Research has shown that women actually do say “sorry” more often than men. We’re all for taking responsibility when you make a mistake -- but constantly apologizing for having your waiter split the check or asking a date to hang out on a different night or telling a friend about your problems, does more harm than good. There’s no need to qualify everything you do. Own your preferences and decisions.

This week, I will work on saying the "S" word less. This is a HUGE one for me (probably why it's #1...it probably is big for a lot of women). I will stop apologizing for who I am.

Who wants to join me?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NEWMOM20121
    You can do it.
    1670 days ago
    You have a great idea! It's something I work on, too...to only say sorry if I am, in fact, sorry. =)
    1672 days ago
  • CHERRY666
    I'm happy to join you! I swear, it's a prerequisite for talking sometimes. "Sorry, I just. . ." Just, too. That word needs to go. I'll have to read the rest of the article. Thanks for sharing! =)
    1672 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    Right there with you!
    1673 days ago
    Hi Leah; emoticon emoticon emoticon

    I loved this blog, You sound like the woman I began reading blogs from months ago. I miss the woman who learned to swim laps, who re-learned to ride a bike with her kids. I miss who I saw as a woman comfortable in her own skin, even after a divorce.

    Honey divorce happens, unless you are trying to be a bad Mom, I doubt that you've seriously scarred your children, you are just still adjusting to your new life. So give yourself a break stop being so hard on yourself for a relationship that for whatever reason went wrong & fell apart. You wrote you parted as friends, let it be so....

    You are wonderful and you have to know that, I know that from just reading your blogs. There have been times when you didn't write that I wondered where were you?? You were falling in love in your new life. Yet love is so intoxicating you started to get lost in a new man & a new relationship. That is ok too, there is something there that you needed that your weren't fulfilled in from your past relationship. Be GENTLE don't scold yourself for being a human woman.

    I hope your therapist will once again listen and put you back on track that you want to be on so you can once again move forward with YOUR LIFE, YOUR GOALS, YOUR FUTURE,
    WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. You deserve the best You can give yourself, You be your best and the rest will take care of itself.

    I cherish you as an online friend, I don't know everything about your life, I only know what you have written, so write yourself a letter, apologize to yourself for what you need forgiveness for, allow yourself to be the person you are becoming. No one is ever going to be "perfect" you just need to be happy with yourself in your own life right here & right now. Like the old song says DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY NOW; why wait? Forgive yourself, love yourself & the choices you make and allow yourself to be an imperfect human woman; just be the best YOU CAN BE, take RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING YOU, for you are a wonderful young woman.

    Take care & enjoy that lovely family you have give everyone a hug and love them for who and what they are to you in your life. Your children love you because you are Mom.

    Many Blessings Always Debby emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1673 days ago
  • KIPPER15
    I had a therapist friend who told me a long time ago "you are not a sorry person, stop apologizing for yourself. You can regret some action or deed, but you are not sorry." I still struggle with this, but it is too true. I am not a sorry person. Neither are you! emoticon
    1673 days ago
    1673 days ago
  • CAROL_31649731
    I want to join you!!! Number 1 is a big one for me, too!!! I'm adding you as a friend, so I can follow your blogs every day. Hope you'll add me back. I think you're awesome!
    1673 days ago
  • GEORGE815
    What a post.
    1673 days ago
  • SWIM53055
    I'm in and will gladly join you!
    1673 days ago
    I read that article, too! Good blog.
    1673 days ago
    I hear you loud and clear! I know you have always taken pride in your work, and when the boss says you are slacking, it HURTS! Especially if you agree with her (been there, too!). But you are on track to get things back to where they were, and that matters too (as a former boss, I've also been on the other side of the desk) As for hurting your kids with divorce... It probably does hurt. Does it hurt more or less than kids whose parents stayed together even while the relationship deteriorated into a 24/7 screaming match - or worse? You have to know that while you still care about your ex, you made the right choice, and your kids are much more likely to have a loving relationship if they see you in one. Really and truly. I'm not a person who takes divorce lightly - I hated getting divorced, hated it. But it was right, and I know that much about you, too.

    And I'm NOT SORRY!! (what great advice!) I am going to work on that too. I just this AM told my DH I was sorry he didn't sleep well... why was I sorry??? I didn't keep him up. DUH!!!
    1673 days ago
    Alright then, you are getting it together. Move forward with a smile in your heart and on your face.
    1673 days ago
    Excellent article. Thanks for sharing. And best of luck in working on these goals.
    1673 days ago
    1674 days ago
    It is so hard to get back on track when you've been through a long slump. Just keep starting over. You can make it.
    1674 days ago
    Great post! I could relate on so many levels. I know I need to keep myself in check nutritionally, emotionally and physically, to prevent slipping back into bad habits or old patterns..

    Self-compassion and forgiveness are great assets to turning things around! I hope your therapist is able to provide you with tools that will enable you to tap into those resources even more readily whenever needed.
    1674 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1674 days ago
    1674 days ago
  • DALID414
    Great list, I'm not doing too bad. I banned myself from WebMD way back in 2009 because I was dying of everything!
    1674 days ago
    1674 days ago
    All will be well! emoticon
    1674 days ago
  • LINDA!
    1674 days ago
    1674 days ago
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