The September war
Thursday, September 19, 2013
There are millions of people who suffer from anxiety and/or depression attacks. My doctors have tried me on just about medicine to deal with the issues for me. To no avail. I become very confused and indecisive on these types of medicine. Zoloft actually was the worst one with serious crazy thoughts that would just be there. I know when it is on its way every thing becomes just wonderful. The is so bright the birds sing more beautiful no a care in the world except when will the other side rear its head.
Make the bed. it wont help.
Are you hungry Really ? or is this that moment?
Sweat is healing Tears are crippling.
Did you walk ? Did you exercise ? Why not ?
Only smile if you mean it otherwise just say screw it and feel bad .
Did you eat ?
Get dressed and move. NOW !!!
These are the notes that are posted around my house. This is the insane way I try to snap my way out the anxiety/ Depression that has been with for years now. September is the one month that I seriously have learned to prepare for. I even have a September play list on my phone. September comes with the memories of the last days of my mother's life and the battle that finally consumed her and took her from us. She has been gone for 12 years now and my dad has been gone for almost 12 also. I have used every life lesson they gave me. I am very thankful that they taught me well because if I was not the strong controlling person I am I promise I wouldnt be here now writing this blog.
This September has been a war for sure. When you battle yourself I am never sure who the winner is here. I have been dealing with normal memories. Also had a nasty sinus infection that ran rampant for 3 weeks. During which time I have been told that I am going into menopause. Marital issues have not helped either. To say it has been slightly overwhelming is a serious understatement. Almost the perfect storm of mental, physical and emotional components.
I beat emotional eating by exercising. So when it gets bad then i exercise. In my head I tell myself if you just keep moving this will pass. And then with the physical issues that were going on I exercised myself into exhaustion. I couldnt cope but i didnt eat either. The balance was off and I was struggling to make it through. I drowning essentially in a see of exhaustion. Everyone says just talk to me but how do explain that your world is crumbling on so many levels I cant that is one thing I know for sure.
This is what I do know . I am stronger than my weakest moments. I remind myself that always after a storm the sun does shine again. I have to track my nutrition for two reasons. One to make sure i dont eat to much but more importantly I have to know that i have eaten enough also. I track my fitness for the same two reasons but flipped I have to know in the numbers that I am not overdoing it also. it is alright to cry if you need to but never let that be your first and only option. And as much as the world would like us to believe that Little Debbie is an excellent therapist While on Lays couch that world is gone to me for good. Believe at the worst moment that you can do it one step at a time. I traded my gym time for long walks outside to make sure that I could get enough sunshine in even when the clouds covered my mind.
Preparation for the war is the key to success. Sometimes the extreme is needed to battle your enemy of yourself .