more than a number
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
I have a dear friend who is medically classified as morbidly obese.
Unfortunately she is now just shy of 400 lbs, diabetic and physically uncomfortable everywhere she goes.
But when i look at her I dont just see her health problems, I see her for who she really is.
A beautiful, intelligent woman who, after becoming a teenage mother, worked her ass off, put herself through college and provided a loving, safe home for herself and her child.
I see someone who is wickedly funny, well read and loads of fun.
I see someone who's now commited to getting her health back and is working hard to lose the excess weight.
So let me ask you this spark friends, why is it so easy to look beyond appearancs when we're talking about our friends but damn near impossible to do this for ourselves?
In the 2.5 years since weaning my daughter I've gained 15 lbs.
I currently weigh 160 lbs and this is LESS than what I weighed before getting pregnant in the first place.
I'm a vegetarian and I work out as often as I can, at least 4x a week. Yet everyday for the past 2 years ive berated myself mercilessly for gaining those 15lbs.
I've denigrated myself in a way I would NEVER, EVER do to another human being and instead of lauding my accomplishments (finishing college despite a very unexpected pregnancy, not gaining any weight when my dad died) all I've done is judge myself based on the number i saw on the scale.
Well no more.
I'm back on sparkpeople (again! ;) to lose those 15 lbs but also to gain a whole new perspective on health and well being. After reading a spark friend's latest blog entry I feel motivated to cut my weigh ins from daily to weekly and to start gauging my progress by how I feel instead of what I weigh.
My self esteem has been tied to those numbers for so long that I know this won't be easy, but I refuse to give up on myself.
There's so much more to me than just a number.