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Am I being selfish?

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Feeling like a horrible person at the moment because of what set me off and will be discussing this at my PTSD session with my counselor tomorrow.

I know I am not the only person on this earth that has lost everything to a flood, fire, tornado, earthquake, etc. I am really in a deep black mood since the news came out that the rebuilt boardwalk in Seaside, NJ that I am sure most of you on the East Coast has seen on the news.

Yes, it is devastating that this happened. Here is where the terrible person part comes in. The 1st words out of my mouth was, "They better fix my house before they rebuild that boardwalk for the 2nd time."

I am sorry but it is almost a year after Sandy and there are about 300,000 homeowners that are still waiting to rebuild our homes. We are still waiting for FEMA ratified elevation levels (hopefully due by the beginning of October) and of course the funds/grants to do so. I WANT TO HAVE CLOSURE! I want my house rebuilt so I can go back home. I am not asking too much I don't think.

So far all of the funds have gone to rebuild the boardwalks on the Jersey Shore so the businessmen could have their livelihoods back and get the economy going back at the Shore. Ok so the Governor did that so now it is our turn. The rebuilding of the Boardwalk will have to wait, the Tourist Season is over anyway.

Governor Christie would not allow FEMA to send in housing trailers for us to live in till our homes were repaired as they sent in to New Orleans. So they better concentrate on us homeowners and fix our houses so we can get our livelihoods back. I maybe selfish in my thinking but I want my house back NOW and not after they spend millions to rebuild the boardwalk and businesses a 2nd time. It is our turn now!

My anger at this is really consuming me at the moment and I am retreating back into my dark hole. But at least this time I recognize that I am doing this. I am at that "I don't care about anything attitude" and want to just hide inside and not have to deal with anything or anybody. I will leave my house and go to my session though but I would rather stay in bed and hide.

Kind of feel sorry for my counselor tomorrow, she has her work cut out for her.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ERIN1957
    You are feeling normal for anyone being screwed over. Years back you have been in your home months ago and moving on, putting this all behind you.

    It truly sucks that us people are placed last again and again, time after time. Frustrating isn't the issue, being forgotten or worse yet pushed aside is. Feeling helpless. I wish I could tell you something that would help you. But all I can think of is fight! Fight, fight, get good and angry and use that energy to fight and be heard.
    emoticon emoticon The squeakiest wheel gets the oil, the loudest voice gets heard. At the least get them p-o-ed at you so they shut you up with your money and your home progress! Get their attention, some way some how...legally!

    My prayers are with you!
    1735 days ago
    You have every right to feel angry and frustrated.
    It sure doesn't seem fair.

    1737 days ago
    emoticon I wish there was more I could do or say. You have every right to feel upset and anger, but you should not let that control you to your harm. I know this stinks. Life at times does and it is NOT fair. I so wish it was different. But you have to deal with this and help yourself be ok. I know with your counselors help you will do it and come out on the good side.

    Hugs and lots of good thoughts
    1737 days ago
    It's a tough situation. Yes, horrific weather has affected many people in the past and present. But, you have the right to grieve, be angry, be frustrated etc. Its personal. It's about you and your family. People want to get on with their lives. My community had very destructive tornados and they too just wanted to have closure and have a new normal. Wishing you the best and hope that all of your waiting will soon bring progress. Hugs!
    1737 days ago
    You should be angry about it. When the floods hit here in Colorado this past week I thought of you. I thought of how long it has been for you and wondered if FEMA will be the same way here. It's horrible that they are more focused on the people who visit a tourist area than the people who live there all the time. You vent those feelings out. ((((((BIG HUGS))))))
    1738 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    Well, don't sugar coat it, get it out and deal with it.
    You are doing that and you can verbalize your feelings.

    I agree that gov't STINKS where regular folks are concerned.

    It's Just Not Right!

    But, your life has a plan, a purpose a goal. I just know it does!

    Hang in there it will happen when the time is right. In the
    meantime take life by the horns and make it a good one.

    Not easy, but I know you can do it
    1738 days ago
    You have every right to be angry!
    1738 days ago
    You're darn tootin" you can feel mad about this!
    I'm mad for you! I had no idea so many people were still without their homes.
    I guess there's no magic answer but at least you are talking to someone about this.
    My hunch is that the boardwalk businesses will get first dibs again.
    1738 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    prayers continue for you.....
    blessings and hugs.....lita

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1738 days ago
  • KIMPY225

    Hopefully something good happens to you & the others soon!!
    1738 days ago
    I don't think you are selfish at all. Thankfully you have a good counselor who will work with you through your pain and anger.

    Not trying to push any buttons but have you thought about just relocating so that you can start your life fresh? It sounds like this is some sort of political game as well and you all are being held hostage.
    1738 days ago
    You are not at all being selfish! My first thoughts as I watched the news coverage of the fire were thoughts of you and your neighbors; it truly is your turn now!

    Have a good and productive counseling session today.

    1738 days ago
    I'd feel the same Yvonne, it's only natural and I'm angered the "powers that be" don't see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shame they have no thoughts about priorities!!!!

    I'm glad your counseling is helping emoticon
    1739 days ago
    Seeing those businesses in flames as shown on the news was shocking and so demoralizing, for all that hard work, time, and money to go up in smoke; if you're burned up about it, sounds normal. Glad you get to vent with your counselor.
    1739 days ago
    I'm glad you recognize what is going on emotionally so you will be better able to deal with it. Like most people, I probably would feel the same way if I was in your shoes. I'm sure that most of the homeowners are wanting to get busy rebuilding, and would have started already, if they didn't have to wait for FEMA to make up it's mind about the new standards.
    FEMA needs to be sensible too - as long as the standards are enough to protect against MOST of the storms that the area experiences, there's no need to go overboard and use once in a century super-storms as the standard! Makes rebuilding cost prohibitive!

    And not allowing trailers as a temporary solution? That makes no sense whatsoever.!

    I really hope that FEMA comes through sooner with their decision so all of you can start moving forward and getting your lives back.
    1739 days ago
    You continue to be in my prayers. I don't pretend to understand why you are having to deal with all this. I wish that I was there so that I could just offer you a hug & maybe let you cry some. It sounds like you can really use it. emoticon
    1739 days ago
    1739 days ago
    Hey Yvonne,

    I don't think you are being selfish at all Corporate America only cares about making money and not the lively hood of it's people. Bad Bad Bad.

    If it weren't for the people living in the area there would be no business or tourism.

    I'm sorry you are reverting back to your old ways of dealing with hurricane sandy I hope that whatever outcome that you can deal with end result and move on and start your life all over again whether it be in the same place or not. If you don't end up back where your home was then at least they should give you the money you deserve to rebuilt else where I think if anything that would be a solution. Ultimately being back to where you were would be the goal so I'm hoping for the best and praying for the outcome you would want that would give you closure.

    Praying for you!

    1739 days ago
    I feel sorry for those who ahve Christie as their governor. You can't trust politicians. they spend the money on what they feel ti should be spent on not on those who really need it.

    Hugz. Hang in there.
    1739 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    Hey if it were me I bet I would feel the same way...I mean a year without your house... I'm surprised your doing as good as your doing.
    1739 days ago
  • WILLOW49
    emoticon emoticon
    1739 days ago
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