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How come night has to come after day?

Monday, September 16, 2013

Today has been pretty successful. My sleep this morning was a little screwy, and I got up late, so I didn't have breakfast. {NOT a habit for me!} I got on track with lunch, and then dinner, and then dessert and then snack. Since I missed breakfast this morning, I thought some yogurt and fruit for dessert would be okay. {And boy was it okay! Yum!}

I also got the other half of the equation going: Exercise. I felt lazy and disinterested in exercising this morning, so I sat here on my ass for several hours. Then I started shaming myself... the weather was fine, I had no pain {other than in my head, but that seemed to be helped with the walk}, and I knew I should do it. Then my friend commented that the weather was "lovely autumn weather", and that pushed me over the edge. I thought... man, in a couple months, I'm gonna be wishing so hard for "lovely autumn weather". I figured I should get out and enjoy the weather while it's here. And it was very lovely, until the sun came out. I hate the brightness and heat of the sun, but I made it through half my walk before it came out. I walked 20 minutes and barely was able to get back upstairs... but I DID get back upstairs, and that's the only important part.

Unfortunately it is almost bedtime. And after bedtime comes middle-of-the-night time. I'm so frustrated with myself. I go to bed repeating to myself... I will not eat at 4 am, I will not eat at 4 am, I will not eat at 4am... and then 4 am rolls around and I run around the kitchen saying "nom nom nom" until I'm stuffed. Remember the Hungry Hungry Hippos game? Yeah, that's me at 4 am... snarfing down as much as I can as fast as I can. There is no physiological explanation for this. Sometimes I'm hungry when I wake up, but quite often am not hungry at all, and eat anyway. I know I've said all of this before, but I guess I'm hoping that if I say it enough, some solution will come to mind. My therapist suggested I sit down here and blog BEFORE I eat, and that seems like a great idea, but at 4 am I have no more willpower to make myself sit down and blog than I do to not eat. I turn into some sort of zombie that can do nothing but stumble into the kitchen and eat. {Not brains, although they might be lower in calories than the crap I do eat.}

So anyway, once again, I am going to bed with the attitude that I WILL NOT EAT. I would sell my proverbial soul to be able to sleep through the night and not wake up and want to eat. I haven't slept through the night in so long I don't even remember what it felt like to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning. I can't change that, but I CAN master this need to eat, it just may take a lot of tries and a lot of different ways to do it. I will conquer it, though. If anyone can spare a finger or two, cross them that tonight will be the night.

In other news... I'm giving up the scale until Thursday. It's not doing me any good to keep getting on and getting frustrated. I know there's a good chance I may not lose any weight, and/or, it will be very difficult and slow. So getting on that devil machine every day... multiple times a day... is just going to be demoralizing. Now the only measure of how I'm doing is my blood sugar, and how I feel, energy and what not. Maybe feeling the difference between taking care of myself and not taking care of myself will help motivate me.

And other news... The kitty is at her new home now. I met the lady this evening, and she was very nice. She has a little doggie and 3 other kitties, so this girl is gonna have some playmates. Not only did the lady want her, but she was really excited that we caught her, and thanked us multiple times. That made me feel a lot better about saying goodbye to her. And since dh works with the lady, we can find out how she's doing as she adjusts to her new home and family, and gains some weight and gets healthy. It makes me really happy to know we can still find out how she's doing.

That's about it, I guess. Another stupid headache, so I think I'm going to take my meds early and go to bed. I have therapy tomorrow morning, so I can't sleep as late as I might like. Getting in bed early is probably a good idea.

I hope everyone has had a good Monday and your week's are getting started off right!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PICKIE98
    Fill up your water bottles and prepare for battle!!!!!!!!!! Eat dry cheerios then drink water till they swell up in your stomach!!!!!!!!!!!
    1712 days ago
  • SAM_I_AM_2K
    Sounds like you had a good day - hope the night went well!
    1713 days ago
    I hope that the 4 am food monster didn't win...but if it did, just keep trying to conquer it. Eventually, you will!
    1713 days ago
    I hope last night was better for you. Nighttime is hard for me, too and I keep telling myself it will get better.
    1713 days ago
    I hope you had a peaceful night of sleep without the 4am munchies! Good to hear the little kitty found a decent home with playmates. Sometimes it is good to get away from that infernal machine that does not actually tell you how healthy you actually are and feel!
    1713 days ago
    I hope that tonight is better for you! emoticon
    1713 days ago
    I am so glad the kitty has a home! Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps me with my personal brick walls too. Maybe the mantra is - "if I am up at 4 AM I will drink a glass of water and blog." or "I will blog at 4 AM" - I have heard that a person's subconscious edits out the NOT.

    1713 days ago
    Glad you and the scale are not on daily speaking terms. That heartless whore scale will drive you crazy. I know! I plays mind games with me to. You're doing great! Kudos on finding the kitty a home. emoticon
    1713 days ago
  • JO88BAKO
    Hi! Sounds like you had a pretty good day. So glad you did go for that walk, it does more than you realize - all positive. Yeah, kitty got a good home. That's awesome you will be able to keep up on her 'growing up.' I am no therapist, but if you are waking up at 4am every morning, it may be something that your body does automatically. I like the blog idea, but ya, pretty hard at that hour. What if you just didn't get out of bed? Do you read? Maybe reading would take your mind off eating. Wish you could just go back to sleep. I bet you could grow something no matter where you live. Where there's a will, there's a way. You are a smart gal and can do whatever you set your mind to. Hope you get a good long nights sleep!!
    1713 days ago
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