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Finding My Friend Again

Monday, September 16, 2013

Rain supposed to be coming for like all week,
I'm glad.
Got some reading done today. cleared my mind a lot.

I had orange juice and i know once i get back to eating healthy again I will feel better, for my fibromyalgia and for my health. luckily i have only gained back a few of the 40 id lost but a few lbs is a lot to someone like me who tries so hard to battle with food.

growing up i always got rewarded by a food after my dad would hit me or do something worse and i grew up with food being the only thing to calm me. its so hard not wanting to grab chicken nuggest and chocolate when im mad or sad and im trying really hard to not do it.
like last night....
i got very sad about something and I was going to get a pop and i had it in my head the whole time i was in town i was going to get pop on the way home, but then i changed my mind.

I went home and had me a glass of orange juice instead.

I'm getting back to where I was. finding myself. the girl i loved. my best friend
I have come thru a lot in my life, its funny that i never give myself credit for how truly strong I am. I need to learn how to do that.

depression sucks. the only thing is I have fibromyalgia I cant control this depression I just have to ride it out the dr says. it comes and goes but this one feels the worst maybe its because im not 20 anymore. im only 33 but it feels like im 80 most days bc fibromyalgia is so painful and debilitatilisting. i should give myself credit for just getting out of bed. i know many girls with fibro who cant. i get out of bed. i take care of me and my sick grandma and i bend over backwards for my family.
IM AWESOME even when i forget that. its the truth.
I feel really good inside today. I think its the rain. it makes me feel clean and fresh in mind

God will take care of me and starting for today I feel pretty good and hopefully tomorrow will also
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