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Where the heck did my week go?!?

Sunday, September 15, 2013

It's been a full week back to the 9-5 job - high school English - and I'm a mess. I'm unfocused, half motivated, and feeling like a failure. I knew it would be a tough transition; after all, my inability to remain or even find balance is what landed in me in such an unhealthy lifestyle in the first place. I don't do anything in moderation.

The positives from this first week are that I planned and ate healthy, well-balanced breakfasts and lunches and slept a decent 8 hours every night. I also did exercise, unfortunately, not as much as I usually do.

Where I'm disappointed is that I didn't exercise daily and when I did, it felt like I had to, not that I wanted to. My dinners weren't awesome either. Some were, but then again one night I ate four slices of pizza, so there's that. Beyond the food and fitness is really where I'm concerned: my attitude and mental state. Everything feels like a job and I'm finding emotional eating creeping up on me. I've been getting easily frustrated and overwhelmed, taking everything to heart. It paralyzes me and doing anything seems impossible and feels half-*ssed.

A part of this is my full throttle attitude. I typically approach things as 110% invested or completely removed; this has led me to spread myself too thin. I knew going back to school would change things and I had accepted that I would need to exercise less as well as be extremely prepared, but understanding it and living it are two different things. So even though I know it's not possible to do 400 minutes of fitness a week anymore, I don't like feeling less active. Don't get me wrong - I'm on my feet all day at work, moving, but the act of being able to dive into a pool for unlimited time was a luxury I not only can no longer afford, it's not available. It's frustrating and I feel like I'm failing.

Not to mention I already have five parent emails, a disciplinary issue (kid swung at me), and just under 300 essays to grade! If there's a solution - other than not writing this blog - for time, I hope it hits me over the head soon. Other women I work with sleep 3-4 hours a night or take days off every other week, but I know that isn't a realistic option for me. I've had to cut some of my SP time and that makes me feel even less motivated all around.

I know I'll figure it out, but right now it doesn't feel like it.

The positive is that I've discovered an new way to decompress - TRX. A friend asked if I would join her for a free class at a yoga studio last Sunday and I enjoyed it so much that I return today. It's a barefoot with yoga mat TRX class in a heated room (like hot yoga). It's a serious sweat workout and simultaneously the most fantastic cardio and ST I've had in a long while. I'm sore in all the right places! The downside is that it's a Sunday morning only class, which isn't a consistent reality for me.

I spoke with the owner and came to realize that the excessive heat in the room is a large part of the enjoyment for me. It's all I can focus on and so it shuts my brain off and allows my body to do what it can. This has led me to the possibility of a hot yoga class this week. I hope to try it Tuesday night, but alas, my work week will govern that decision shortly.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some grading and five lunches to prep.

PROOFREADING DISCLAIMER: I needed to write this, but refuse to re-read it. Please don't judge my careless grammatical errors; I'm a diligent and thought English teacher. I swear.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are so much braver than me, You putting your thoughts and ideas out there for everyone... It is far better to vent, get it out there, and realize that this to shall change... time will make it better and things will settle down.
    Be kind to your self and here's a big hug to help things out!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1702 days ago
    Be kind to yourself. The first week of a new schedule is hard to do! I know I was all over the place last week trying to figure out how to juggle work, my kid's new school and dance schedule, and my workouts. It wasn't the best week.....but it will get better as I settle in. It will for you to. Venting it out is also a good thing! Make a plan, stick to it, adjust if it is unrealistic, and have a little flexibility so you can react as needed. Your job is tough!! And your writing seemed perfect to me!!!
    1709 days ago
    The first couple weeks back to school are always horrible. But you're recognizing your limitations and where you're particularly vulnerable. And you're validating the things you did right! You're also saying that you feel lost right now, but you know an answer will come. That's great because it shows you haven't lost faith in yourself. I'm glad you found a good release with the TRX; I hope you can stick to it!

    BTW... as a former English teacher, I am obsessed with grammar and the mechanics of writing. I can't read anything that's a mess of errors. If you made any mistakes, they were small enough for me to either miss or ignore, so don't apologize! The kid swinging at you? Whew.... yeah, that's why I taught at the elementary and middle school level and not high school.
    1709 days ago
    YOU recognize the land-mines of your school-year life.
    I have faith in YOU...
    YOU will manage to find YOUR path to sanity and peace,
    And, ultimately your good healthy habits.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Audra
    1709 days ago
    It will get better... the first week of a new schedule is tough. Hang in there.

    1710 days ago
  • MJRVIC2000
    Plan your day and work your plan! God Bless YOU! Vic.
    1710 days ago
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