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is this the time to accept what i NOt wAnt?

Sunday, September 15, 2013

we have watched me thru many challenges,,,, and thru them,, we ve seen me go to unteenth surgeries ,,,so I could walk again. the last one being Aug 6th.

well I am highly disappointed on how much PAIN I am still in. yesterday I simply swept my floors,,,, took just undah 7 mins. I've been in tremendous pain ever since with feet. Both feet. I've been icing them like crazy and it's not really helping. shoot,,, I am a high amount of morphine,,,,and STILL feeling this?/? that's simply nuts !!! of course I let very few that I am this med,,,, but, since hardly anyone here knows where I live,,,,, it's OK. I never eVer let those where I live know this,,,,so many addicts,, i'd easily be broken into. I hide it of course,,,,and when those in this high rise,,, see me,,,for it's oblvious I am in pain,,, so they do ask 'oh ur in such pain, what do the dr's give yu'/ I just say "oh don't you know,,,any patient of dr ____,,and ALL the dr's at m____s no longer do any pain meds. if ur interested, ill show you how to control pain by deep breathing." ,,, LOlo they leave me at that !!! and I am not lying,,,,, for I wAs a patient of his,,,and I did learn, but than HE decided my pain was to gr8 to watch,,,so he put me on this,, whereas as said,,,, it's very rare. thANks doc !

This sums up how bad the pain really is.

I do Not give up cos of pain normally. But, by trying, I am only hurting myself ,,, my goal has been to learn to walk again. That's why I just went thru this horrific surg I did. but, now,,,, with the pain,,, I am lying here, asking :is it time to throw in the towel and accept the power chair for life"? My old dr had told me too. those words are echoing in my head,,,,,,

Normally I am such a fighter,,, what else could I fight for and use my energy towards dioing? I am not sure. is this the time?

I am seriously considering it.
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    Hugs Diane ,if anyone understands I do. You are a fighter and you will find another day brighter because that is who you are.I just wish you did not have to endure the pain.
    1674 days ago
    My goodness Diane, I am really feeling for you today. I hear you on the drugs, went thru similar here with our elders. It is tragic, these addicts. You are so wise not to let on what you are taking. Listen, I agree that you are pushing too hard maybe right now, it has only been what 6 weeks, you need rest. Just take it day by day, and try to stay away from the pain for a bit. You need relief! Maybe your new treatments for your back, will somehow be a miracle for your feet. That will be my positive thought for you today. Do what you can, with what you have with whatever you got. Enjoy some football today with me!((hugs)) JDawg emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1677 days ago
    1677 days ago
    Oh, Diane - how disappointing for you - but maybe you are expecting too much too soon? Didn't you just have that nerve cut in your foot? Sending all prayers and good wishes your way, dear sweet girl! emoticon
    1677 days ago
    God bless you dear friend...I just HATE to hear that you are in constant pain. It's NOT fair! emoticon What does your doctor have to say about this...didn't you ask him WHY this is still going on when the surgery was to help you? I'd be getting some answers and QUICK! Do you have someone that helps you? I have hear there is visualization techniques to help with pain...oh...I'm just so sad for you. I usually have some kind of GREAT advise...but this time I'm baffled.

    All I can do is send you white light and love! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1677 days ago
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    1677 days ago
    I'm sorry to hear this, Diane. I knew about the surgery, but not about the pain that is still plaguing you. Praying that you'll have peace about your decision, whatever road you take!
    1677 days ago
    so sorry to read this, let's hope there is a way around it (one last time). I'm always optimistic but you have to live with the pain. Do what you need to, you will know.

    big hugs
    1677 days ago
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