Sometimes when I am tired or stressed or feeling taken for granted I fantasize about getting a wife of my own.
I want someone who will do all the little things for me that I do for my husband. Here is the list: Get up first to make him two cups of café late and bring it to him in bed. Then wake the kids to join us on our bed for cuddles and games. (The current favourite is that the bed is a boat in shark invested waters. Everything dangling over the edge gets bitten off. Everybody gets an invisible spear gun...You get the picture.)
Then I go to get the kids their hot chocolate.
I herd them to the kitchen for breakfast, I get DH a towel and turn the shower on for him.
I look for everything he can't find.
(Guys suck at looking for things, unless it moves they won't see it. We got the berry picking- good at gathering- detail noticing genes. They got the movement noticing distance estimating ones)
I want someone to bring me countless cups of tea and make my favourite meals. Who fixes something delicious when my friends drop in unannounced. Who packs my suitcase and does my shopping. Who tells me when an outfit doesn't 'work'. Who packs a flask of coffee and snacks when I travel.
Someone who rubs my feet and shoulders when I am stressed. Who keeps me in bed by force and nurses me when I am sick. Who forces me to go to doctor's appointments. And won't allow me to go to the gym when I am under the weather.
What I would like is the 'wife' version of the Italian granny in the cupboard who makes the most wonderful meals and then disappears back into the cupboard again saying 'the glory is yours!' Like in the old FATTIS AND MONIS spaghetti ad.
I am going to ask my DH what his fantasy is. Maybe it is for a husband who will take the responsibility of keeping 4 females of various ages safe in a very unsafe country off his shoulders. Who wakes up when the dogs bark or at the sound of a gunshot and goes out to investigate. A husband who goes to work every day and provides for us. Someone who sees to it that he could always just get into his car and go, without even thinking about tyre pressure or oil levels or when the next service is due. Someone who takes the fire extinguishers to be refilled every year. Someone who can sum up a complex situation in a couple of words and would immediately DO the logical thing that solves the problem. Someone who makes the tricky decisions. Someone else to 'stop the buck there' instead of it always stopping 'here' with him.
Sparkies, I have to tell you, I would HATE to be my husband's husband. I would absolutely SUCK at it. It would not be natural at all for me to even be motivated enough to stumble around in the dark looking for intruders and not giving up until they are either caught or tracked until they are off the property. I would hate looking for and shooting the stray hunting dogs that sometimes chase our game into the barbed wire fences.
I would not find a motherly husband very sexy, I suppose. And he shouldn't try to be my wife either. (Heaven help us!)
So today I am going to be my own wife. I am making all my favourite meals. I am making myself endless cups of coffee. I am drawing a bath for myself with salt and rosemary leaves in it.
I am good at being my husband's wife, and he is good at being my husband.
For the rest there are mothers and sisters and girlfriends and of course spa days.