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Mending some heartbreak, and finding my way back on track

Thursday, September 12, 2013

I know. It's a little dramatic. I know I'm over reacting to this whole mess. But I can't deny how badly I'm feeling about the whole mess.

I'm having some trouble at work. I've had to hurt the feelings of some kids that I worked so hard to win their trust. I've had no choice, and no time to even try to make it right. I did the best I could in the short time I had. It was better than just disappering out of their lives, even though it would honestly have been easier on my. It broke my heart to make those girls cry.

I've been trying to shake it for the past couple of days - since I found out I had to do it, through doing it, and through the switchover. I couldn't bring myself to do the switchover. I didn't get any sleep last night. I decided I needed to take a personal day today - to take care of me.

So here I am. At home. Relaxing. Realizing I'm a bit of a mess right now.

I ran the half marathon this past Sunday. It went well. I have my next one the end of October. The plan was a couple of days off, then back to running. Then this came up. It messed with me so badly. I couldn't bring myself to run

That doesn't really make a lot of sense. I know running is a release for me. In fact, it would have helped me cope with this whole mess a lot better. But I couldn't bring myself to get my shoes on.

Now I'm sitting here. Sad. I know I need to get back on track. To focus on what I need to do. At least I'm off all day today. I can go out in a bit and just get moving again.

So I'm thinking that's the plan. Just get on some shoes and get moving. No set distance, or time. Just go. I fully expect to break down and cry. No biggie. In fact, I'm thinking I should maybe run until I do. It'll really help me shake this.

I just can't let this sweep me away into a depression. I can't let it take away all the progress I've done over the past couple of months. I need to keep fighting for me. I can't let this whole situation change who I am.

It looks like I'm slowly realizing the realities of this whole mess, and what is important at this point. I have not let things like this in the past change me. I can't let them change me now. I am able to do what I do because of who I am. It's that simple.
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