30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 35,516

Venting Blog – Use Caution Upon Clicking

Thursday, September 12, 2013

As positive as I try to be about my weight loss and eventual weight GAIN, I cannot ignore the fact that 25lbs have found their way back onto my body. I know why, I know EXACTLY why and while others may find that it’s an excuse, I cannot. I feel like I’ve failed. I’ve failed myself and that is something that upsets me more than anything. My size L black pants (my favorites that looked GREAT on me) split yesterday. The zipper is shot and when I realized it, I sobbed. This morning, while I looked for something to wear (laundry needs to be done BAD), I looked at my “tiny” sweaters that I rocked this past winter and realized that I probably won’t be able to wear them comfortably this coming winter. This realization SUCKS.

Losing 100lbs (now 75) was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I realize that gaining IS a reality, a harsh one. To me, I even look bigger on stage which is crushing to me. This entire week, I’ve sobbed and been depressed about it. I just can’t imagine that I worked SO hard for something to have it go away completely. My clothes are beginning to get tight, uncomfortable. All of my pants don’t fit (including my jeans). I wear dresses/skirts everyday so that I don’t feel so fat. I’ve even contemplated quitting Spark.

I realize it’s entirely my fault; I eat too much and I haven’t had time for exercise. Healthy food doesn’t last very long in my house and half the time, I don’t have money to purchase it. I know, I know…excuses, excuses. Despite gaining weight, I’m still going to celebrate my maintaining 75lbs this coming Monday regardless of how badly I feel about myself.
This funk has got to go, I truly hate living in it, but I just cannot help it.

I’ve gone from this:

To This:

To This:

I am SO disappointed.

p.s. Not looking for sympathy, just simply venting.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MBELL6312
    Another perspective-you are still down 75 lbs! You gained some of the original back, not not even close to all of it. you can get down to your goal again!

    1708 days ago
    I realize that it's been a few days since you wrote this blog and I know that you're celebrating your maintenance anniversary today, so I hope that you'll have the opportunity to put things in perspective. Yes, you may have gained back some of the weight you lost, but you haven't gained back ALL of it. Very few of us have a maintenance where our weight stays exactly the same or even within a few pounds all the time. You know what you did to lose the weight initially and why you've gained a bit. Try to harness the initial enthusiasm you had that helped you get and stay motivated to lose the weight in first place and use that to help you get back down to where you'd like to be again. I often say that the biggest difference between successful maintainers and those who regain what they've lost (and I've been in this category many, many times) is not that successful maintainers never slip up--it's just that they take action before their slips ups become full-on slides. Now's your moment to do that and work towards getting back into those "tiny" sweaters. And whatever you do, don't give up and don't quit SparkPeople. You're worth putting the time and effort into staying healthy and fighting to get back to where you want to be.
    1709 days ago
    Don't forget that you are a successful person. You'll do it. We both will!
    1712 days ago
  • RDEE22
    You've done it once before, you will do it again. You already know how, it will be a snap!
    Sending lots of positive vibes your way. emoticon
    1712 days ago
    Just offering HUGS. I understand.
    1712 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Hang in there! You are a powerful woman! You know what to do to lose weight so get back on track. Don't quit! emoticon
    1712 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Okay, tough love: here goes: have your cry, wipe the snot off and know that was some body fluid you just lost there!! Now, set the kitchen timer for ten minutes to blubber and bawl and make your eyes swell, boogers and other body fluids spewing. Timer goes off, you grab those bands ans start snapping them, get on the ball and stretch, DO NOT throw those black pants away!
    Believe it or not, Zippers Do come in packages, not just in the garment!! Maybe one of the dressers at the theater would put one in if you do not know how.

    Now, how much fun do you have on stage?? Duh@ Get up, grab your hairbrush, remote or whatever, and belt out a few songs while dancing around your place. You do not have to be loud, but show Brit how it is done.
    Cardio my dear.. use your career to your body's advantage. Use the muscles needed onstage and move, sweat, stink and shower, guzzle the water, get some protein powder, fuel up, and use a mirror if needed while working out(dancing). Show Brit that she can shave that weigh toff and let somebody else have it. END OF LOVING RANT.
    1712 days ago
    You can do it!! Fight the good fight!

    God bless & be encouraged!

    1712 days ago
    LisaG and SMD are right, babe.....its not ALL lost! Just another setback....a huge one in ur mind, rightfully so, but nonetheless, just a setback. Ur an amazing woman and can do ANYTHING u set ur mind to! U have accomplished a huge feat....celebrate and rejoice what u HAVE done!!!

    I love u
    1713 days ago

    I hear you when you say you're disappointed.
    The great thing is that you have already lost it successfully before, so you KNOW that you have the tools to do that again !

    Love, Ginger
    1713 days ago
    emoticon toward goal - even with setbacks it is something we can do for ourselves.

    God bless!
    1713 days ago
    Oh, Dear Miss B! You are not getting any sympathy from me! You know I only believe in honesty! I NEED to say something here because this sentence stood out:

    "I just can’t imagine that I worked SO hard for something to have it go away completely."

    Stop it! Just stop it! SERIOUSLY! You have NOT had ANYTHING go away completely! You lost your footing! You wear that skirt today, then you take yourself to the grocery store & Buy the best food you can for the amount of money you have, eat it in the correct portions & find 5-10 minutes in your day for YOU to exercise!

    You are NOT a 'bad excuse' kind of girl & I know you know how to do this right! Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off & know that I love you!
    1713 days ago
    Umm, give yourself SOME credit, you did lose 100 lbs, afterall. I would be curious to see if you stopped using sparkpeople (or other tracker) during this recent gain. That's happened to me. You have a pretty smile and you haven't lost completely. You still have us, right? and you still have desire and sounds like the motivation.
    1713 days ago
    Hang in there, Miss B! emoticon
    1713 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.