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My therapist is way better than Nurse Ratched...

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A day I fully expected to suck turned out pretty well. I felt crappy this morning and had very low hopes of it improving. But it did improve, and in the last way I would have expected. Therapy. As I've mentioned on many occasions, I hate therapy. And until today, no therapist has said something that made me say "Holy crap!" and I pretty much found myself sitting there being patronized by someone explaining something I have already thought of, because I am a hard core over thinker.

So I went to therapy this afternoon with that attitude... I'm going to spend an hour talking about things I don't want to think about only to be told nothing helpful. And before anyone says it... I know, that's really not the right attitude to go into therapy with. I was already upset with myself for last night, and then I had to go to therapy, which I fully expected to suck... things were not going well today. But, since I had to be there, and since I was still annoyed with myself, I figured... meh, might as well talk about it. The worst possible scenario is that I just get that blank "therapist stare" they give you when they're trying to get you to babble until you say something revealing.

I underestimated my therapist, though. When I started talking about it, she acknowledged what I was saying. She also said that when she was young, she was underweight, and she knew how it felt to be an outcast in high school because of your body. That made me feel more comfortable talking to her. It's 2 different issues, but it's the same sense of being a misfit.

We talked at length about my nighttime binges. She asked me if I was doing it in the night to hide it. I said possibly, but I get up and blog about it when I do it, so I'm not really hiding. I'm admitting it, shameful though it is. At that point she made a genius suggestion -- get up and blog BEFORE I eat. She said that often times if you delay a binge, the urge will pass. That, combined with coming here and knowing my friends wouldn't want to read that I had another binge, and wanting to have something good to say... might keep me from doing it. I probably should have thought of that before, but it was pretty revolutionary idea to me.

So... to that end, there will probably be some middle of the night blogging.

And, on to the rest of the day...

A fellow Sparker convinced me to start tracking my food. I also updated my goals which reset my calorie range. I was afraid to track cause I didn't want to find out I was still eating way too much... alas, I'm eating right about what I should be. Not including nighttime eating fests, of course. What I thought would make me feel worse has actually made me feel better. I know I'm doing what I should be.

I got in all my veggies, fruits and water today. Goals met! And that included grabbing lunch from a fast food place.

Now I'm off to read a little more of my diabetes book and wait to get sleepy and head to bed.

Hope everyone has had a good day!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SAM_I_AM_2K
    1712 days ago
    It looks like you've had quite a break through! I'm proud of you! emoticon
    1712 days ago
    Wow, what a great suggestion from your therapist. Sometimes they do come up with an awesome tool ;-)

    I tracked yesterday! For the first time in 3 weeks. EVERYTHING, including the piece of lemon-poppyseed loaf that I ate because I was feeling a bit blue about going up on this week's weigh-in. Weirdly, that made it easier to get to the pool and to stay on track with my dinner last night (DH, bless him, made dinner with THREE starch servings, bread, potatoes, and corn). So, even though I felt bad seeing his crestfallen face, I confined myself to the potato, my fave, and left the others alone!

    Keep up the midnight blogs, as needed!

    My binge distraction is I put on a disco song and dance like an idiot for 3-4 minutes. If I still want to binge, I do. But I have to say that the dancing often flips my mood and gets rid of the obsession for a certain type of food.
    1712 days ago
    Please post the title of your fav diabetes book - my dh is diabetic and showing signs of being ready to actually do more than take meds for it...

    By the way I just love your blogs, I get so much from reading you
    1712 days ago
    That's great news! I think the blogging BEFORE you eat is a great idea. I also recommend drinking a large glass of water before you eat. Sometimes thirst disguises itself as hunger.

    You HAVE the strength and you can DO this! emoticon
    1713 days ago
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