PTSD Episode - Bullying
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I just had a very serious cry... I was watching that US school show on bullying... I couldn't watch it all, I asked dh to shut it off, he minimized my feelings by saying it will end up ok.. I sat another minute, tears streaming down my face. I got up and walked away. In tears, it brought back my own personal experienced of being bullied in the last school I worked in. Anyone that has followed my blogs for awhile probably went through it all with me. I didn't have any idea this could still affect me so deeply.
I went and cried for a bit, not knowing how to deal with this. Then, (yes, eating did come to mind- I am afterall, an emotional eater), but this time I did better... I sought out my WATP videos. I tried one just thinking it was a longer one, and it ended up being the "Firm" one, with strength training... sure helped work out some of the stress.. Tears are still boiling over, but I don't know what to do about this.
My story needs to be told and that person needs to be held accountable... and so does the principal, becaase he knows and did nothing.. big 6ft. 2in - 300 lb man - and he did nothing... well, actually he did exactly what the parents and teachers did in this video... he didn't know what to do, so he turned it back on me and re-victimized me.. I went to the union and they could do nothing.
I was suicidal. I went on the anti-depressants and I started walking, at least my body knew what to do to relieve some of the stress, not to simply accept being medicated to bury the feelings... This woman was at that school for 9 years at the time and there had been 39 teachers gone through that school.... a 4 room schoolhouse.... I don't think I am being unreasonable in thinking that others were also bullied by this bit$$. And I know for a fact that she bullied the kids too... they told me, even when they were already in 7th and 8th grade, they still had the hurts..
And my greatest accomplish in that 2 years of Hell was proving to a 10 y.o. girl that she could read, by teaching her how to do it, despite the fact that this other teacher had told her so repeatedly that she could only believe it, that she was "retarded". I kid you not, in this day and age, that bit$$ did use that word. Even said it to the principal and was not stopped...
I can't tell anyone how hurt I was, I am... I lost my career over it and I have not had my say, except here..... my story has not been told to my satisfaction or in defense of the kids she hurt and damaged... and doubtlessly the other teachers she bullied and ruined.
What can I do? It still hurts so much... and what hurts even worse, is knowing she got away and probably is still getting away with it and I can't do a thing about it. If I am too close to the forest to see the trees and anyone has any resolution for me, please!!!