Doing my 1st works over!
Monday, May 07, 2007
I have been going through a time of re-evaluating my life, and I have come to some conclusions that I pray have led me to make some right choices.
Lately, as some of you know, I have not been a very present here on Sparkpeople. My teams have suffered as a result of my lack of care. I think I had lost the "Spark" that I needed to continue. It was so good at first and I found myself "gungho" ready to take on the world and this weight loss challenge.
One thing after another has happened to me since I started here. Some good and very good some of it discouraging, but I tried to persevere.
I finally had to realize that I cannot do it. I have been going about this the wrong way. For me to say that I believe God's Word and be a follower of Christ, I must become that example. I must walk in newness of life with Him and fulfill His call upon my life.
Getting my life back on track isn't as easy as it once was. God had given me the keys to the Kingdom, filled my life with a wonderful husband and given me gifts and blessing. I have not appreciated any of it. I have been my own worst enemy. Sabotaging myself ... not always realizing it but doing it nevertheless.
I am weighed down and it isn't just the physical weight. I have internal things that I thought I had dealt with and I am seeing that I need to do more. I have to cast down every thought and vain imagination that exaults itself against the knowledge of Christ. I have to lay aside every weight and the SIN that does so easily beset me!!!!!!!!!
For the physical weight to come off and stay off I know that I have to HONESTLY deal with who I am. As I do this I will come into a relationship with God like I have never known and be restored to the way we were in the beginning and more.
I spoke of change ... have I changed? Am I changing, and what are the results of that change?
None of you can see me. You only know what I tell you or you want to see and hear about who I am. You can only hide for so long. Sooner or later you get found out.
Okay, now it is a new day and I am coming clean. I'm taking a shower out in the open. I will be frank with all of you who have called me friend and I hope that you don't find me too disappointing.
I am looking at the man (woman) in the mirror, I'm asking her to change her ways. I need help to do that. I thought I could do it on my own but I can't.
I've been talking a good game, and I believed too. But I have been lying to myself, deceiving myself, cheating myself and as a result I have done the same to you. I ask your forgiveness and I ask it of God. I also forgive myself.
How have I been lying, deceiving, and cheating myself. By not really accepting the truth about who I am. Not accepting full responsibility and accountability for what I have done or do. No one is to blame for my circumstances but me!
I have not followed the voice of God in everything that He has called me to do but I am making every honest effort now to do that. I am beginning today and here with you who have called me friend.
A friend tells you the truth whether you really want to hear it or not but is also there to support you through your tough times. I know that the gifts and calling of God are without repentance ... so they function as we yield to them to bless others. I believe that I do that and most of the time very well. But I make myself a fraud if I do not obey the same Word.
I do love you all dearly, you have brought much to my life. I cannot continue as a leader because I am not able to lead anyone right now. I have gotten discouraged because of the lack of interest in the teams, and the lack of input. No one can do this alone. For us to grow and become the people that we desire to be through weight loss we must get to the root of our problems. That means DEAL!!!! We must be HONEST.
Do we cheat in our lives in anything, do we lie, even if only a little, do we steal, whether it be time at work, too many napkins, ketchup, and utensils at the restaurant, time not spent with God, or other things?
I had to admit that I was a liar, a thief, and cheater. Today I choose to expose myself. Expose my self to your critiques and judgements but it is okay, because I love you. I cannot call you friend and treat you any other way.
I do not want to be known as a hypocrite. I want to be known as a "Woman After God's Own Heart".
Once more I ask your forgiveness and thank you for your support. I repent to God and you today and pray for your support.
May 5th, 2007