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The confusing bunch...

Sunday, September 08, 2013

I am really too sensitive, and too easily scared.

I have written about that swedish support group that I think has been the key to my current success with the weight, I love to look at the diagrams the leader makes every week, I don´t know what will happen when the week arrives where I have not made progress but so far I am doing so good and am really scared to lose that flow.

And as I wrote earlier a lady reacted in the daily chat thread that it was too many "Deep analyses" and she could not associate to bingeing – and the result was that a special thread was set up for binging and deep analyses, and the chat thread was said to be for "positive comments". I said that this confused me, and got some answers that really triggers me - sort of pat on the head "don´t feel that way..." in my earlier life I would have left the group then - not in a tantrum or with protests, just silently sneak out the back door because that is what I do when I get scared. I leave the place and go somewhere else.

But I decided to lay low and post only positive (and short) stuff in the daily chat. I do have another team on the same site where there are no restrictions, on the contrary, long discussions are appreciated. And as I want the diagrams and the discussions I thought it would be fine to keep short in the one group and save my advanced thinking ( emoticon ) to the other.

And now the first group starts to grumble - they don´t think it is okay to have two different threads they want it to go back to where we were... Mainly a lady who is obviously tougher than me, she has been away for a week and have not been involved in this development.

And the lady that first complained says that she reacted to "some writing very long posts (me!) " which made her feel left out.

This is a REALLY sensitive trigger to me - in all my life people have told me I am too much. Speaking too much, laughing too loud, having too many opinions... and to me, internet has been such a blessing because you never take any space from anyone, everyone has as much space she wants. If I write long posts it does not limit the space for anyone else. And as long as I am not aggressive or disrespectful I do not silence anyone - or so I think.

And of course this is that lady's problem, not mine. But it makes me feel bad about myself and I cannot stand up for myself in this. And what happens is that people is not satisfied with me being silent either, and I do agree, the group became a lot more boring when all there was, was , "great job!""Feeling okay today" I have a hard time but will not give up"... I thought it was only me but obviously the other members are reacting also.

My dilemma now is if I shall tell them my feelings - it will probably cause some "passive-aggressive" posts from some, that will hurt me. It will probably also cause some interesting and supportive posts from other members of the group.

The bottom line is - do I want to be in that group? Yes, I do as I think it is crucial to the weight loss success I am having for the moment. Am I willing to fight for my right to be me? Maybe not, I am being me, just not expressing it in the chat room....

To be continued...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You can’t please everybody.

    Always be yourself, not what someone else wants you to be. You can be sensitive to others wishes and needs, but that does not mean giving up who you are to accomadate them. They need to take you into consideration also.

    Use what you can, and leave the rest. (this especially would apply to the one trying to shape everybody to her way).
    2326 days ago
    2327 days ago
    I too have always been told that I'm too much. Too intense, too difficult, too loud, too sensitive. Well, I now work on knowing that I'm enough. The way I am. And you are, too. No one is forcing those other people to read your posts. I think they're reacting to their own insecurity about their own intelligence. Why don't they just skip them? Stick with the group because you love the charts. You don't need to engage with those that don't appreciate your unique gifts. If it sounds like the group is looking for a consensus you could chime in but while there is one member bullying others to impose her limitations, it's not fun.
    2327 days ago
    It sounds like THEY have some insecurity! This is definitely not your problem. Do what you do. Those that don't like your posts can scan past them. Why don't people 'get' that there are delete and scroll buttons. DUH! If I don't want to read someone's post, I don't! I certainly would never consider telling them not to post any more. Stupid people..... emoticon
    2327 days ago
    You should do what makes you feel happy. Taking care of yourself first, even to the point of being considered selfish, is the best way to lose the pounds. Facing your challenges head on will get you over that mountain, conquer that fear and get you moving in positive direction. emoticon
    2328 days ago

    'Honey', your posts are wondeful. I love your long posts. I love you being you and I love reading all your deeper thoughts. It's a rare quality and sadly, not many people display it. And not everyone can handle it.

    There is someone there who has a problem, but it's not you, it's that lady. If she can't handle analysis, she should not read long posts. Period.

    Please realize that if other have a problem with you, IT MEANS **THEY** HAVE A PROBLEM.
    Don't make it your own. I know that that's not easy for you probably and it's not easy for me, either. Still.

    I hope you can just continue to be you and write what you think and not be too consumed (no pun intended but it's an interesting word hmm) by this issue.
    If you are going to tell them your feelings, maybe in advance make a strong resolution to next, ONLY value and take in the supportive comments you get.

    Is it not very interesting that you feel that you are 'too much'. I think someone in your past gave you that idea but it really is time to let go of it. Easier said than done, I know, I know. But there's an interesting parallel I think between 'feeling you are too much' and having 'too much' weight. I would so want for you to see that you are beuatiful, and you are JUST RIGHT. Not too much not too little of you.

    Maybe it could help to ponder for a moment just WHY that lady is so scared of reading long posts. You feel that you are 'too much' (a thought God doens't share with you, I think!). Maybe SHE feels that she is 'stupid' (unable to understand deeper thoughts). Maybe she's nervous about not being able to keep up. Or whatever, we don't know her good enough of course. My point is that just as you are running a risk of letting yourself be ruled by this kind of not-realistic thoughts about yourself, SHE is probably doing the same thing. And the moderator / leader who jumped into this trying to 'please all' is probably also having her own unrealistic needs and fears. Take a deep breath... AND KEEP POSTING! lol

    2328 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/9/2013 4:49:38 AM
  • _VALEO_
    When reading this blog, I thought I could have written it.
    The problem with long posts is that many don't read them or skim through them (I've experienced it in French and in English), but you can't change yourself.
    I think your solution to keep it short in one group and to "save [your] advanced thinking"to the othee" is a smart one. The problem is obviously not you, but "your audience".
    Your Swedish group might not be intellectually ready for deep-analysis that's why they want to keep it light.

    I am going to copy/paste an extract from Letha's blog who hit the nail right on my head:
    " I read somewhere that at least half the people you meet are going to disapprove or dislike at least half the things you say and do at least half the time. So when it happens you can say this is one of those times. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to like and approve of everything you do just like it's unrealistic for everything in the world to be fair for everyone. "
    2328 days ago
    Just keep being yourself and try not to worry about what others are saying. You are a great and sweet person (and there is nothing wrong with long posts either)!

    emoticon emoticon

    2328 days ago
    I think you should stay true to yourself and others should do the same. None should be dictating the posts of others UNLESS they are rude or disrespectful. Each is free to read what they choose, respond or not, and leave the rest. You should not have to defend your feelings. If you enjoy the group and it is helping you; hang in there. If someone doesn't like the group, they are free to leave. It is what it is. Stay well.
    2328 days ago
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