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Why do people feel the need to comment?

Sunday, September 08, 2013

I will never understand why people say the things they do. I've been overweight since I was a child. Throughout my whole life, people have made comments about my weight. I was horribly bullied in school about my weight. Other kids thought it was funny to ask when my baby was due because I had a big belly. I remember one particular April Fool's Day when the guy I had a huge crush on in the 6th grade asked me out as a joke and the whole class laughed about it. I'm not trying to hold onto the awful comments from my youth, but that's simply when they started. As a teen and as an adult, I cannot tell you how many people, whether it was a friend, family member, or a random stranger told me "You have such a pretty face," basically meaning that I'd be more attractive if I wasn't fat. Some even went as far as to fill in the silent blanks and say so. Since when is that ok? Fat people know they're fat!!!!! I know, it's shocking that we're aware! LOL! I do realize that people say things out of concern for one's health, but the truth is, that person has to want to get healthy for themselves, not because others are concerned. There is a great deal to be said about loving one's self and being ok in your own skin. It's taken me almost 32 years to realize that I am an emotional eater and that all those comments from others actually hindered my goals, rather than inspiring me. I have been addicted to food. I am worth more than I let the harsh words of others make me feel. My goal is to be happy and get healthy. My body is my temple! I will no longer allow others to emotionally scar the walls of my temple! Rant over! ;)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks for the feedback everyone! Sometimes it's nice to know that you're not the only one who feels a certain way emoticon
    1733 days ago
    I am so sorry that you experience this pain. How emoticon that you are making changes that will transform you outside and give you the ability to help others! (That's one of my motivation for losing weight and returning to a healthy lifestyle.)

    Just a forewarning, life always has problems. When I reached my goal weight I found I was almost completely incapable of handing the attention, especially from men. Be prepared when your body catches up to your pretty face! I know emoticon and you're in the right place to get the love and support for who you are RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

    1738 days ago
    I know where you're coming from. I was clueless that I was fat until the little boy in 5th grade told me that he didn't like me because I was fat. I've been struggling with my weight for the past 23 years since then. I was insulted in high school when someone PAID this guy I thought was cute to ask me to dance and the joke was on me. I was told once by a man I met in a bar in my 20s that I had such a pretty face and I was such a waste...Told by my uncle I had big ol' linebacker arms and needed to cover them up.. which started my self consciousness of not wearing sleeveless things (15 years ago)

    Girlie.. It's OUR time to shine. We have been used, abused, tossed around, and treated sub-human long enough by supposed friends and family members that are supposed to love us and support us unconditionally. We got this! You can do anything you set your mind to! Channel that hurt and anger into every workout and every decision you make regarding healthy choices. It's what I do.

    Have a fabulous weekend! emoticon
    1738 days ago
    I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, but have you even considered the possibility that you DO have a beautiful face? I mean, sure, there are jerks everywhere, but that doesn't mean that some, if not all, truly meant, "God, her face is gorgeous! It lights up a room!" Not everyone has your bone structure. (I checked out your pics) :) Make an effort, if you don't already, to assume that people have no ulterior motive behind their words and that they have said what they mean. If they say terrible things, limit or eliminate their access to you.

    My brothers were jerks to me growing up. Teasing me and being mean, and the things they said (thunder thighs) stay with me. Incidentally, I was not overweight as a child, but it didn't manner. People who want to be jerks will find a way.

    And, BTW, I never take offense to a guy who doesn't like my body type because I want a man who relishes me at 150 or 250. Not some jerk who would attempt to make me feel inferior.
    1738 days ago
    It constantly amazes me how few people have learned to put on their brain and mouth filter when they get around other folks!

    I love what you said here: "There is a great deal to be said about loving one's self and being ok in your own skin." Yes, there is. And I believe that part needs to be there to make this whole getting healthy and losing weight work possible.

    1738 days ago
    I feel that a lot of people couch their insults in concern. "It's not my business, but aren't you concerned about your health?" That sort of thing. You're right. It's not your business. They are not doing it because they care about you, for the most part. They are doing it to remind you that you are fat and are therefore someone to be pitied.

    I was the victim of some fat shaming when I was a kid, but by high school I had become the "funny best friend" and was objectively pretty popular, but never had a boyfriend until I went to college.
    1738 days ago
    It really is horrible that fat people are the last, socially-acceptable group to make ugly comments about. You can't do that any more with people of different ethnic groups, races, sexual orientation, or even disabled people, but fat people? Go to it!

    My dad meant well but was hyper-sensitive about weight and always judged me based on my looks. Fat = less lovable. He never understood that some men can look beyond size and a love a woman even if she is big.

    I hope you have SOME supportive friends and family members who don't judge you based on weight...cherish them! If you don't, you'll get lots of support on Sparkpeople, and we can be your surrogate family and friends!
    1738 days ago
    I asked a guy once if he liked me, and he said "I like smaller girls". He must mean shorter because his girlfriend is heavier than I am. People can be jerks!
    1738 days ago
    You ARE worth more. Don't ever forget that. I hope you realize how much this community is willing to support you. Good luck on your journey!
    1738 days ago
    I understand what you are saying. I was bullied by family and friends (well I thought they were my friends!) all my life. I am now in my 40's and I am standing up more for myself. Some people are not liking it but I will stick to my guns.
    I appreciate your comment on how people think you don't know you're fat. My dad was the worst for that. He used to make comments like "you must have 100 pounds just in your thighs..." Ugh. It finally stopped a few years ago when I replied with " do you sleep with me?" to which he said no, and then I told him that it was none of his business how big my thighs were and that my husband liked them just fine!
    I have lost just about 40 pounds, I have had therapy for all of last year so that helped too.

    Hurts in childhood are still hurts and they are still triggers.

    My sister was big too and people used to be so mean to her. Once while in the city shopping, she was walking on the sidewalk and some strangers threw McDonald's garbage all over her. It was awful. Sometimes I wish those people would be big for a few months so they can see the stares and feel how some people are "repulsed" by bigger people.

    For now I will keep on plugging, and still have to listen to the "you have such a pretty face" comments too!

    1742 days ago
    You can do it!! I've spent most of my life being bullied and like you it started in my teens. My own family has done it all of my life though and it's through them that others started thinking it was ok to bully me.
    1743 days ago
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