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#139 - Determination, not Motivation.

Thursday, September 05, 2013

I can't believe that it's been a month since I've blogged on here. The previous blog was about August goals; truth be told, I did not stay dedicated to them. In fact, I haven't had any motivation to be healthy because of this nagging feeling of regret and failure regarding my foot injury and weight gain. No matter how hard I try to forgive myself, I can't. I was *so* close to my goal I could taste it. Because of this, I chose to take a hiatus from Spark People. In reality, I've allowed myself to just be which was refreshing.

During that period, I ran about once every two weeks. (Mind you, I have two races coming up.)

Last weekend, BJ and I headed to Columbia to watch the South Carolina-North Carolina football game -- the first of the season. Even though I was still in my workout funk, I decided to pack workout clothes just in case. I'm so very glad I did.

On Thursday morning, I set out for a run around Columbia. I always love running here because I get to see Carolina Stadium which is an inspiration because of players dedication and hard work. Anyways, I ran over two miles, and it was one of the best runs I have had. I ended that run feeling on top of the world.

Since that run, I have kept up with fitness - Zumba, walks, runs, Yoga, etc. I realized how much I missed it. In fact, I even made goals for myself - I want to run a 10K by my birthday (April 2014) and I want to run a half marathon either by October 2014 (if possible) or February 2015. I feel not only motivated but determined.

As for eating, I refuse to stress about it. I'm going to do the best I can. Some days, I will eat great. Other days, I might have a big meal or eat fast food. I'm learning that I am not perfect, and there's no such thing as a perfect situation. Life will get busy. So, I'll celebrate the victories even if they are small; I will learn lessons from meals I don't feel too good about.

Lastly, I'm letting go of the scale because of the harm it can do. For example, I weighed myself the other day, and I had gained a pound. I almost quit. But then I took a step back and realized that the number doesn't define who I am. I have a wonderful body that's meant to run and be amazing. Don't get me wrong -- this way of thinking isn't easy. It's a constant struggle for me after years of self-hatred; however it's worth it because of the freedom it provides -- the freedom to enjoy the life I have been given.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Sam. I am glad that you are back with the program. Going to try and get back with the program myself. Right now I am trying to set my goals and plan to put forth as much effort as needed. Hopefully we can stay on track and succeed. Have a great day!

    1740 days ago
  • LESLIES537
    Great blog! You are an inspiration to me and I thank you for that! Keep up the great work! emoticon
    1745 days ago
  • C8TSON
    Sam, so glad you are back here. I was concerned when I saw your page offline, but then I realized it was probably a much needed break. I think that's a good thing just take a break from all of it. I think it is so important that you have had this realization. We are not perfect, and no matter how much we plan ahead, life still happens. Just when you think you are going to cook yourself a nice healthy meal and go exercise after dinner, an old friend will call and ask you to meet for a dinner out. Or, just when you think you will definitely roll out of bed and go for a spin class, you never planned for the fact that you wouldn't be able to sleep the entire night and be completely exhausted by the time 5:00 rolls around. It's impossible to know what will happen each day, and it's so much better to cut yourself some slack and be prepared for anything. It's good to have goals, but it's not good if you beat yourself up for not attaining or achieving those goals. There is a great balance in between and I think you are getting there! emoticon Have a wonderful weekend! emoticon
    1745 days ago
  • MEGAN6277
    Hey chicky! I wish you the best of luck on your race! You're doing something I can't even think about doing at all because of my knee. I can't run any more because when I do feels like the front of my bone is hitting the back of my screws and it hurts. Not sure what to do about it except not run. Everybody has their bad times. Don't focus on them, just keep looking forward to each day doing the very best you can. Knowing you've done your best is all anyone can ask for! My dad always told me that one and I tell my boys the same thing. It eases their minds about always having to be better then everybody else. It let's them be themselves and eases things greatly. Wishing you a good night and luck with everything kiddo! Don't beat yourself up either. You're worth more then that...take each day as it comes and do your best! emoticon emoticon
    1745 days ago
    the scale can be our worst enemy. It's good to see you. :)
    1746 days ago
    So glad to "hear" from you! I think we get too focused on the scale and forget it is not an indicator of self value. I don't think we should let it get in the way of living our lives. I've been going thru the motions all month. I do feel better when I workout. I like challenging myself. I feel better when I eat foods that are good for me, but I also like to have ice cream and gummy bears with my daughter on her birthday. So we've got to find balance. Easier said than done, but well worth it in the end.

    Great job on the run! It feels good to get our bodies movin!
    1746 days ago
    I am SO happy you are back Sam. I missed hearing from you! If you ever leave again shoot me a Sparkmail with your e-mail address. I think you are beginning to find balance. Have you looked into Intuitive Eating? If not, I suggest you check it out. I am happy your exercise is making you feel good. I am so proud of you for kicking the scale out of your life, the number means nothing. It's how we feel. Keep at it!
    emoticon emoticon
    1746 days ago
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