100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 113,353

The Loss of Joy (Pictures of my journey)

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

That’s a terrible title isn’t it? That’s a terrible for sentence, as well. It is what it is and I am hoping that when I get this all out of my system that something positive will surface. This is how I blog or I write. I ramble and eventually have an epiphany and maybe a lesson learned. I haven’t blogged a lot lately so some of you may not recognize my name or my face. Let me introduce you to me.

“Hi my name is Chelle, JustChelle, or sometimes even Michelle.” I joined Weight Watcher’s and Sparkpeople on the very same day. That day was January 17, 2011. That’s the day I have dubbed my healthiversary. That’s the day I stopped dieting and I started to just live healthy. It’s such a simple concept that so many want to try to not do. We so often look for the get thin quick scheme and go for the temporary results that we neglect to realize that if we want to be the best person we can be physically and mentally that it’s a 365 day 224 hour a day journey. I started my lifestyle change slowly by counting points, modifying the things I ate, reading articles on Spark and getting support from the Spark groups as well as my Weight Watcher’s meetings. I also started walking slowly. The weight came off and I became stronger and was doing more.
labor day 2010

In May of 2011, my husband and I walked/ trotted my first 5k. It was a Weight Watcher’s event. I was dreadfully slow, but I felt so empowered because I did it and I had so much support. June of 2011, I saw a lottery for the Houston Aramco Half Marathon. My friends who didn’t really get how out of shape I had been encouraged me to go for it. I asked my husband if he would do it with me and help me, and he agreed. We made the cut.

September 2011, I had lost 60 lbs and was still overweight. I was obsessed with an infomercial for a workout called Insanity. I didn’t think I could do it so I didn’t order it. One weekend my husband went to check the mail and came back with a box for me. He had ordered Insanity for me. I’m not sure if he even realizes that he had more faith in me than I had in myself. We did the program together. I joined A Biggest Loser challenge at the same time. I met some great supporters there in a group called the Spies. I would personally like to thank, Darlene, Lynn, Mandi and Lisa for all their support they gave me as well as every Spy that I have met.

December of 2011, I lost 100 lbs. January 13, 2012 I completed my first half marathon. Shawn did it in just over 2 hours and I took 3 hours and nine minutes. I was down 112 lbs. I was happy. I mean I was truly happy. I felt better than I ever have in my entire life. I had everything I ever wanted. I had a husband and a beautiful baby girl and I was feeling strong mentally and physically.
April/May 2012 my life fell apart. My husband left and all I had was my daughter that I would have to take care of on my own. I was devastated. I didn’t eat and fell to my lowest weight of this journey. I was down 142 lbs. I’ve stayed fairly consistent at that weight but I would like to lose more.

May/June 2013, I maintained my 142 lbs weight loss and was sent an email. I was asked if I would mind talking to a magazine. I was ecstatic and nervous. I did the first interview and was told that I was picked for the magazine. I was so proud. I never had been chosen for something like that before. I know it’s vain and stupid… but I finally felt like the kid that got picked first in gym class. I agreed to come out of my closet and let them publish fat pictures of me with my weight, something I have never published on Spark or anywhere else. I was going to live out loud. I was finally going to celebrate me. I was going to tell people to not diet… Live healthy. It’s my motto.

I worked hard for the photo shoot, changed my schedule, took off from work, and bought clothes I would never wear all to have my moment. The photo shoot happened and, frankly everyone was so nice but I hated how I looked in the running clothes. I felt fat. I haven’t really felt fat in a long time. I tried to work through it in my head. I was still proud that I had been chosen. I told all my spark friends about it, I told all my Weight Watcher’s friends (Have I mentioned that My Weight Watcher ladies Rosie and Donna have been so much support that I can never thank them enough), I told my facebook friends (some of them didn’t even know I was losing weight), I told my facebook followers (look me up justchellesknockingthefatoff) and I told my family. I was finally so proud of myself.
I went on a cruise last week. I got home Saturday and bought the First For Women magazine I was supposed to be in. I wasn’t in it, just my recipe. I was humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and sad. I worked my butt off and I was left off. They told me they let me know and in their defense I did get an email August 28th. 5 days. My time and effort was only worth them giving me 5 days notice to deal with what this did. They stole my joy. They made me for the first time in 2 years feel not good enough. They made me feel like the fat girl all over again. They stole my pride. They stole my heart.

I truly don’t think they get it. I don’t think the editors know what this journey is and how hard it is even when you are done losing weight or just trying to lose that last 10 lbs. I’m not sure many people get what losing 142 lbs is and what you go through. I don’t know that people who diet and lose and gain and lose and gain truly get what this feels like.

So here it is world. I am taking my power back. I am finding my joy. Michelle Miller Andrews was 287 lbs when she started this journey. The day I looked fat that I had my picture taken for First Magazine for Women that was not good enough to use I was wearing a size small in Under Armour and weight 139.8 lbs. My shirt was a size small. However, my body was not perfect… My skin is not tight. My stomach isn’t flat; my teeth aren’t perfect, my arms are flabby, but guess what, I earned my 37 inch hips that use to be 55 inches. Oh and I wore a push up bra that day because I went from a 42 DD to a 32 A cup and I didn’t want to be flat chested.

I’d like to thank my Shamrock Sheriff’s especially Tammy for kicking me in the butt this morning when I was having my pity party. Oh and Maggie, I really am disappointed that I don’t get to send you the magazine.

I wanted this so badly so I could show my little girl Peiton that if you truly work hard for something that one day someone will recognize you for your efforts. I am truly sorry that the magazine didn’t have the space to fit my story in because I really think; if you read my blogs that I have done something special. I really hope that one day they get that you shouldn’t mislead and toy with people like that and that 5 days is not common courtesy.

Beyond that, I hope that my time on Spark has been motivating and inspiring to a few because at the end of the day that’s more than I ever started out hoping for. I hope one day no one will ever again make me feel like I wasn’t worth it because I know I am. I know you are worth the effort.
This me at my 2nd half marathon down to under 3 hours

I think by writing this, even with the tears streaming down my face that I found my joy again.

Peiton.. if you ever find this blog.. your self worth and accomplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself. If I teach you nothing else, please know that.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    awesome well done
    1433 days ago
    Such a great read. You're amazing. To overcome the hard things and keep pushing to be the best you possible. Very inspirational.
    1478 days ago
    Chelle, you are so inspirational! Don't let ANYONE take your joy like that again. You are beautiful. you have worked hard. You have won your health and your body. It doesn't matter what the magazine folks or anyone else think because they did not walk in your shoes or do the work that you did. You go girl! You are fantastic! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1502 days ago
    I am not even sure how I ended up stumbling across this blog....but WOW!!!
    What a great tribute to you- for all you were and all you have become!
    No magazines were there when you were saying no to bad choices and yes to good ones, when you were wanting to give up and chose not to....
    it has all been YOU....taking those steps every day-
    and that is the biggest win of all!
    Congratulations on earning a wonderful YOU! I am so inspired by you!!
    1540 days ago
  • JCOOL77
    LOVED this post and tried to find you on FB but that link is coming back dead? If you are still there I would love to read more!
    1543 days ago
  • AHAVAH123
    You are an absolutely amazing young woman.
    Thanks for inspiring me!!
    1575 days ago
    Hi Chelle,

    I just found your blog through a member post. I just want you to know that you are an encouragement to me. I am at my highest weight of all time and am trying to find motivation to focus on me and my health. Seeing your dramatic change within one year is so AWESOME! It gives me hope. I have gained and lost before but the road ahead at this point looks so steep and scary. Thank you for pouring your heart out and inspiring others. And, that magazine lost their chance at a GREAT story!

    Thanks again!
    1598 days ago
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE to look at your photos!! So happy for your success - and hoping to find my motivation again any day!!
    Keep shining sister!!
    1663 days ago
  • ZOE13O
    You are emoticon ! and don't forget it!
    You have had an amazing journey and should be so proud of what
    you've accomplished. Someday when your daughter is old enough to
    understand all you've been through - she's going to say I have the strongest
    most amazing mom ever!!!!
    Thanks for sharing your journey with all of us on Spark People!
    1678 days ago
    You are so amazing reading your story and your strengh. Congrats on all your hard work.

    1690 days ago
    So sorry you had to go through this. Hang tight to your friends, they must be proud of you. emoticon
    1692 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Sorry the magazine didn't follow through.
    Don't let that take away your joy. You are a winner!
    1693 days ago
    YOU are emoticon
    1693 days ago
  • EG8383
    I'm speechless and all I can say is that this blog...you and your story of triumph has brought me to tears. AMAZINGGGG!!
    1693 days ago
  • RENWL123
    You look great!
    1693 days ago
    You may have lost your joy for a minute but you've given many people joy and hope just by writing this blog. What a testimony and so inspirational. Who needs those lousy magazines that never want to write truths anyway? Most magazine are filled with false pictures that have been edited and touched up. That's their selling method.

    But that isn't what the majority of people want. We want real life stories and real life pictures that we can identify with and connect with. We want to know that they're are other people that have gone through similar experiences or their bodies have similarities.

    That is what your story is. It's real life. Not picture perfect, beautiful, all rosy and sweet. You've fought hard and have been bruised and bloodied in the battle. But you immersed stronger and more beautiful and you are a success story. You give us hope. You inspire and thrill us with possibilities for ourselves.

    Hold your head up high sweetie. You are an accomplishment. You are the victor. You were too good of a story for that magazine. They were not worthy of you. Dismiss them. They are not worth your anguish. And DO NOT give them the power to steal your joy.

    You have a beautiful light within you. Let it shine!!!!
    1693 days ago
    What you wrote here is as good as anything posted in any magazine. It's your story, told your way. You went through a lot to get to where you are, and you deserve to be comfortable in your own skin, and feel great about yourself.

    1694 days ago
  • JENIR1975
    You are awesome and your story is truly motivating. Shame on the magazine but yay you for realizing all you have accomplished! You look great and I am sure your daughter is very proud of you and always will be!
    1694 days ago
    Just wow. You look great. At least your story was important enough to be considered. But Wow emoticon
    1694 days ago
    I can understand how disappointed you feel about not being in the magazine. Another opportunity like that may come along. What have done is amazing! You have made it to where I need to go and your story is a huge inspiration. Please keep sharing your spark & light the path for the rest of us :)
    1694 days ago

    You are a huge inspiration to the people that matter- real people who are working on getting fit. Real people who will never look like a super model, but can reclaim their health back - just like you did! Quite frankly your story and your pictures are more meaningful than someone in a magazine that probably got plastic surgery after losing weight so they could look like a super model. Be proud anyways and I bet your daughter will be too one day when she is old enough to understand. You are amazing! Now look at yourself in the mirror and repeat that until you start believing it again!
    1696 days ago
  • CARM1401
    You are AMAZING and STRONG emoticon
    1696 days ago
    It was very bad of them to do what they did but remember you lost all that weight without the help of that magazine so you sure as hell don't need them now. Reading the other comment you are a huge inspiration to other so put that smile back on your face & wallow in your own JOY, you've earn't it.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1696 days ago
    Magazine article or not, you are a huge success, girl! I'm so sorry you had such a negative experience, but just look at how much you've got to celebrate. You inspire me and so many others here. So glad you were able to reclaim your joy!
    1697 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/30/2013 10:11:44 PM
    Your story is very inspirational Chelle, I'm just starting out and don't expect this to happen over night or to be perfect all the time - it is after all a life time of bad habits I am reforming but your story shows me it is possible. I was tearing up reading it.

    Peiton is truly bleesed to have a mum so strong, and so beautiful on the inside, and now your hard work have made your outer shell beautiful too

    That magazine is typical media behaviour and why I don't invest my money or time in any papers or magazines :-( I'm saddened that their ridiculous bias towards what they perceive as the "right look" has hurt you and probably many others - it is time they woke up to the damage they cause
    1702 days ago
  • LINZEE118
    WOW! What a story & what an inspiration you are to me! I'm only half way through my journey of the weight loss part. I will not forget what you said. Never! Your self worth & accoplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself! That was worth repeating! You rock girl! emoticon emoticon Linda
    1704 days ago
    Your story is truly amazing and inspiring. I have been very close to giving up lately, but reading your story has given me that little extra push that I need to keep going today. Thank you so much for that, and I hope you continue to shine like this for the rest of your life! emoticon
    1704 days ago
    What a wonderful story!

    You are so right: No one can take your self-value away from you.

    You have traveled a fantastic road to success. Peiton will be so proud of you when she is older. You are setting an excellent example for her. She will be running with you in a few years!

    Best wishes for your continued and much-deserved success and happiness! You are testimony to the strength of the human soul.

    1705 days ago
  • RURAL3
    You should be very proud of yourself and your accomplishment. Do not rely on a magazine for your value. Just goes to show you that those magazines are not all they are cracked up to be. emoticon
    1705 days ago
  • KONA509
    You are beautiful and an amazing person! No one can take your accomplishments away from you! Not everyone will appreciate the amazing things you have done--but that is their issue, not yours!

    Thank you for being an an inspiration !

    emoticon emoticon
    1705 days ago
  • DONNA!!
    Hi Chelle! Let me start by saying I am a big magazine reader and won't buy First For Women again. They could and should have handled your situation differently. Most emoticon importantly you are amazing ... Inspiring ... Empowered and healthy! Don't let anyone steal you joy! You did it girl!
    1705 days ago
  • RACHIE810

    Thank you more than you will ever know. I have been at such a low point, I am climbing out of it but it has been a journey of re-defining myself. I am older than you but your story touched my heart has we have shared some of the same experiences.
    You are an outstanding example to your child that no magazine article could ever amount to. It is what is tangible, what can be touched and talked to what she shares with you each and every day, these will be the best example.

    Shine, you deserve it.
    1706 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2013 2:39:23 AM
    You know, I think they made a mistake not including your story and yes, it was/is very rude of them to suddenly just not include your story. Sounds to me like you are moving on, probably better than I would/could. Congrats to you for the lost weight and for moving on with your life, when someone does you wrong.
    1717 days ago
    You came to the correct realization that what you think about yourself matters most. You have done a great job with your weight loss. You have done a great job revising your thinking - you were beautiful at any weight - it just took some weight loss and a change of your thinking to realize that. You have gained in your confidence by realizing how much you could do. Thanks for posting the blog!
    1719 days ago
    Shame on them! They couldn't see the winner staring them right in the face. You are a champion, Chelle!
    1720 days ago
  • LCDM83
    Chelle- You motivate us with what you've done and continue to do! Your joy is YOURS and don't let anyone take it from you.
    1720 days ago
    oh rats...how horribly disappointing. I'm so sorry emoticon
    1720 days ago
    Loved your blog and you sent a powerful message. I noticed your name... you go by Chelle. My daughter is Rachelle and she is also called Chelle. My granddaughter is Peyton... isn't that a hoot! Best to you in the future... 147 pounds... you ROCK!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1722 days ago
    1722 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your story. Very inspiring!
    1722 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your story...you've given hope to so many out there, including me! The magazine people don't know what they're doing, and don't realize what you've been through simply because they do not care or understand the processes you've been through - to them, you are just a story - but they are so wrong - and its their loss!


    1723 days ago
    AMAZING!!!! :)
    1723 days ago
  • ABBIE0224
    wow this is so motivating, emotional and beautiful! You have made your daughter proud, you don't have to be in a magazine to see the impact you have had on her life and others. emoticon
    1723 days ago
    You are a truly awesome and amazing person and I am so sorry that the stupid magazine caused you to forget it for even one milisecond. The fact that they didn't make room for your interview does not negate even one iota all of the hard work and blood, sweat and tears you shed for your victory. You are still an exceptional woman and your very inspiring story I am positive will make a huge difference in the lives of so many who are struggling through this journey (myself included). You are a beautiful person and you have a beautiful daughter. God bless you!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1723 days ago
    This is a wonderful blog!! Thank you for sharing it & for being so real & honest!! I hope you never let anyone steal your joy again! You are truly an inspiration!!!!
    1723 days ago
    Chelle Please don't let the magazine take away your well deserved joy!!! The media is in it for themselves and profit. They don't care what your feelings are and it's so wrong!!! Your journey has been an inspiration to all of us!! I feel blessed that I've had the opportunity to get to know you. You are a joy and a piece of sunshine!!! emoticon
    1723 days ago
    I'm proud of you and I hope your blogs send out to all the other people how great you are and that the magazine the loser here not you just because they can't see a great story apparently they need glasses new people or something don't let this magazine make you feel any less positive because they do this to hurt people to rear them down that's not nice but you are and your daughter knows the true you and I'm sure she appreciates you when she gets old enough to see the blog and she will know her self worth because you taught it to her I believe in you and sorry to hear about your husband you still keep going and going more positive days ahead with your daughter
    1723 days ago

    I think you done a fantastic job and in proud of you and I'm sure your daughter is too and I feel the magazine company just wasted your time but glad you got to experience it because it shows how good people are good other that just try to make people feel like their self worth is made by what they think and show in magazines it's not
    You made it what you wanted and congratulations on a well written blog the power and strength and determination and the humiliation from magazine the sad thing is magazine just out for them self they don't care about the person that should be changed but the experience of it made you feel proud but never be down or feelings ad ab
    1723 days ago
  • FITAT50
    You are a beautiful person inside and out, don't you forget it girlie! You have inspired hundreds of people here on Spark with your amazing accomplishments, it's the rest of the country's loss that you were denied the opportunity to inspire them also.

    I think Linda had a great idea to post on First's FB page, I'll be heading there myself. Stay strong Chelle and remember your words to Pea "your self worth and accomplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself" emoticon
    1723 days ago
    Chelle wow!!! what a inspiration
    1723 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment
    Member Comments Page (76 total):  1 2 Next >

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by JUSTCHELLE75