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Fear of Going Back

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

I'm on the cusp of ending my weight loss journey and beginning my maintenance journey. I'm incredibly proud of myself for coming as far as I have, for being as diligent as I am.

But I am soooooo very tired of the Medifast meals I've been eating 5X a day. There are days when I almost wish I didn't have to eat, so I didn't have to eat the same meals over and over again.

Now, part of my problem could be I keep ordering the same MF meals. But I think mostly I'm tired of being on this restrictive diet. I'm tired of not being able to eat similar foods to other people. I want to have a vanilla latte again (no offense, Americano, you are good and all). I'd like not to stress out about restaurants and if what they served were on plan or not.

I do think this is a sign of me getting closer to "transition" - when I switch out the MF meals for regular meals. But with that comes a new fear: the fear of Going Back.

The previous two times I lost weight, I never really went into "maintenance". I was losing weight, and then my old habits came back. Bad food choices, over indulgence, cutting back with exercise until suddenly, I was 268 pounds.

I love my body today. I love how I can feel my ribs. I love how I am able to exercise - Spin Class, running, even biking (though I don't love it). I love how I look in clothes and I love how healthy I feel.

Internally, I know that the only one who controls me is me. *I* am the one making the food choices. *I* am the one with the power to avoid the fish and chips and instead have a salad. *I* am the one with the power to tell myself that yes, I do need to get off the couch and exercise. All of this I know, but I'm still afraid.

I've spent my entire adult life either overweight or obese, so this fear somewhat makes sense. I've not known a time where I was successfully able to maintain a healthy weight, so to think that once I am done eating these MF meals that all the weight will come back with a vengeance? Understandable.

The thing is, I am not the same person I was a year ago. When I eat bad on a Saturday, I realize that instead of throwing away my diet, I need to be even MORE proactive and careful. I am better about getting myself into a gym or on the pavement or in a class.

And then there's this: each day is a new day. I did not lose the weight overnight; neither will I gain it. Weighing myself regularly, taking note of how my body feels, watching how my clothes fit on me - these are all signs I want to take it to keep myself from spiraling out of control.

I am still afraid of going back, but I'm going to let that fear be a healthy fear to keep me on the path of good health instead of crippling me to give up. I have made incredible progress in such a relatively short time; this is just a new, different challenge to face!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sounds like your next goals will be learning how to moderate "real"foods and by that I simply mean foods you put together yourself instead of a pre-packaged meal that doesn't require a ton of planning on your part.
    1751 days ago
    It is understandable that you feel fear but your attitude to it is great. Use this fear to prepare yourself for the "maintenance" stage. Take note of all the things that helped you reach where you are like listening to your body, eating healthily, exercising, keeping motivation up using Spark, great mental attitude and then just enjoy life. Food is not in control of you anymore. You are in control!
    1752 days ago
    Good for you. It sounds like you are in a really good place and ready for the next stage of your journey.
    1753 days ago
    It's all about the mindset, I believe. We're not on an all-or-nothing trip. I weigh myself every day. If I see the numbers creeping up I take action to get back on track. I don't throw in the towel. We can do it!
    1753 days ago
    Exactly!! Pay attention to yourself and what your body is saying to you and you will do fine. :-)
    1753 days ago
    As long as you stay determined, you'll transition with no problem.
    1753 days ago
    Fear is a great motivator. I think you will be just fine. You've made so many positive changes, even if you want to, I don't think your body will *let* you go back to the old ways. It may get very angry at you for trying. And no one likes an angry body.
    1753 days ago
    I think we all fear going back. But since you're conscious of the situation, I believe you'll be fine. You'll have good days and bad days I'm sure, but monitor your weight closely and make adjustments where you need to.
    1753 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1754 days ago
    You are conscious now of what you need to do. You are not the same person before. You know what you can eat, your trigger foods, and what is totally unacceptable to incorporate back into your healthy lifestyle.

    As you know I'm on a DIY medifast plan so I just make good choices. I stick with one "Medifast" food a day as a reminder that hey! I'll ALWAYS be on a diet and to be careful.

    Transition and take the steps towards a healthy and happy lifestyle. When in doubt call your coach and touch base. BE HONEST with your choices and don't neglect to write all your foods down!

    1754 days ago
    Fear will keep you on your toes! emoticon
    1754 days ago
    1754 days ago
    As you are concerned about transitioning away from the medifast foods, why not focus on that aspect of preparing for maintenance? Sure you can have fish and chips again soon but you have learned a lot about how a meal like that is really a treat and how it impacts your body in a negative way to eat food like that regularly. I promise that there are TONS of nutritiously sound and delicious meals out there that you can make a part of your daily life!

    You sound like you are on the right track by eating responsibly (exercising more or being proactive about a less healthy meal) so why not take it a step further by really doing some research on meal options that will work for your maintenance goal? What will your new calorie range be and what kinds of meals will fit into that range? I think this might help you see that your current restrictive diet IS near an end and that there are lots of options for healthy eating that are delicious and that will fit in your new maintenance calorie range goals!

    I know exactly what you mean about wanting to eat 'normally'. I definitely look at other people who are just so 'loose' with their food choices. They eat whatever they want because it is tasty and they don't give a second thought to ordering a vanilla latte.

    I think our food culture is pretty flawed in that respect. Even on tv, the meals that people eat tend to be full of carbs with lots of protein and VERY little veg. It is a very 'enabling' kind of food culture that promotes a 'well why not' kind of attitude towards junkier foods.

    1754 days ago
    Aww. Sweet pea that kinda makes me sad. I was walking emoticon this morning, and thinking the same thing thing for me. I have been down this road too many times. You look so beautiful, and I can feel your determined spirit. I thought, I will need to stay active on Spark for the rest of my life. Then if I do that I will spport and be supported. As Hilary Clinton said,"it takes a village. Hugs, Cathy
    1754 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/3/2013 11:56:03 AM
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